Disclosing

[tanto]

I'm still figuring things out. Since I was diagnosed in Sept of last year with hsv 1 & 2, a few small OB down there but never any cold sores, I have not engaged in any type of intimacy with anyone. I'm so scared to try. But a couple of general questions that I don't know where to go & ask but here: is kissing without disclosurer ok? What about non intercourse things like oral sex etc what is ok or safe? Is it only when you actually have sex that you should disclose? I'm so afraid to even just kiss someone even if its safe and then move forward later on & then have to disclose and have my partner get upset because I didn't disclose right away. I'm just not ready for the rejection & I fear having others find out. I get & know this really isn't that big of deal medically but emotionally it is. I fear what others will think of me or how they will treat me, I fear the rejection & being alone. I'm a successful attractiv. 43 yr old woman with 2 amazing grown children. Because of this I still feel dirty & think that is what others will think of me too. I have been,divorced for over 2 years now & recently have noticed that more men are starting to approach me & ask me out. I make up all kinds of excuses to not go for fear of all of this. Any advice or answers are appreciated. I love all the stories I read on here & they give me hope, I just need to become stronger!!

[Kaye]

You will become stronger every day. It sounds to me that you need to accept yourself as you are and do not let herpes define you. Easier said than done, I know. I disclose upfront. I do not have time to waste and I do not want to waste their time. Some people will not want to be sex partners but do want to be friends. This is a really good site and it has some great information. You are a beautiful, worthwhile and wonderful person. Hang in there because it will get better.