Just experienced first break up with H - now what?

[butterfly2018]

I was diagnosed with Herpes a few months ago after having sex with my new boyfriend for the first time. I literally happened 1 or 2 days later that I had open sores and got tested. I’ve never experienced a pain like it. The day I found out about it, I also told my boyfriend. He told me that he was clean, always has been and supposedly got tested right after I told him and a month later after we had unprotected sex again (I haven’t seen his results to know for sure that he never had it).

 

Ever since finding out, our relationship went downhill. I was looked at as irresponsible for not knowing my status. I was always someone that paid attention to my body... I always examined myself, got regular appointments, etc. however, due to the same response like most of you all received from doctors... I never tested for Herpes because I didn’t have sores.

 

This has been so hard for me. Even harder to find out while in a relationship. I would have rather gone through this alone. I haven’t been feeling comfortable talking to him about it bc he’s still upset deep down about the potential of it one day showing up. I am on a Alfred everyday and we have continued to have unprotected sex.

 

We’ve had other issues arise but this diagnosis changed everything. We have tried to move past it and proceed like it doesn’t exist... but I am someone that needs to talk about feelings. It feels like a huge elephant is in the room.

 

Now that we are over, I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to ever date again. I don’t want to ever be touched again to avoid having to disclose. I wasn’t only with him because he knew and stayed but that was certainly comfortable. I’m never going to find love again.

 

Who would want someone like this? All of the rejection I’m going to experience? The insecurity I’m going to feel? Idk what to do. Idk how to move on and now be single with Herpes.

 

Please help.

[FreeSpiriting]

Hey, so I got genital hsv1 from my ex because he thought that as long as you didn't have an open cold sore you couldn't pass the virus on. I had my first OB pretty soon after we started sleeping together and so along with coming to terms with my diagnosis and a horrific OB, I also had to break it to him that he most likely have it to me and try to educate him about it! (He still hasn't quite grasped that he has heroes and that he should tell people before sex etc but at least I tried!) We were then together for 3 and a half years but broke up recently and so I'm just coming to terms with dating with herpes. I used to be pretty chilled with sex before and enjoyed casual sex etc but now I'm finding it difficult to think about since I also have to think about herpes.

I've by no means got over the hurdle yet, and I'm still yet to make my first disclosure (just havent needed to yet although I am also very nervous) but I have come to term with the fact it's just a minor annoyance. It's kinda like life has set up an extra screening process in dating, it'll help you filter people. Yes, there may be times when you feel like you are being rejected because you have herpes but you're just as likely to reject someone because of something about them!

I think it's also important that you take some time and focus on yourself. You've had a rough time and the ending of a relationship is never fun so take your time and actively work on becoming friends with yourself. Get comfortable in your skin, build up your self confidence again until you're feeling great all by yourself and because of yourself and then you'll be in a much better place to be dating because you won't be disheartened by rejection because you know you're worth more than that.

It'll get better soon and you'll get back into the world of dating and you will have ups and downs but you'll get to a point where herpes doesn't control you and your life, it'll just be a minor thing