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Well yesterday was the first day I broke down in tears and ended up crying for at least two hours until me and the hubs had to meet up with friends for dinner, and even then, my mind was consumed with the thoughts that "this is going to never end..." Throughout dinner, I could feel the "tingling" and burning in the palms of my hand...and then panic would settle into my brain making me lose focus of what was being discussed at the dinner table.


I keep thinking on how I COULD HAVE prevented this. I originally only had oral herpes, but then I spread it to my nose, which was already frustrating as it is, but now I'm certain I have whitlow since the blisters on one finger have finally surfaced. I count it as a blessing and a curse since I was worried that no apparent blisters would make my doctor appointment tomorrow pointless since they usually needs to see "lesions" or evidence that a cold sore is forming. I'm constantly looking at my hands in fear that sores are going to breakout in random places. And of course, last night was the first night I experienced the most severe pain in my fingers, palm of my hands, and even my elbows. I've never experienced being in a place of depression and anxiety until this time in my life. I'm thankful for my understanding husband, but I still feel alone in my own world, ya know? I know that there is an end to this tunnel somewhere, but selfishly in this moment, I feel like this is never going to end and I feel hopeless...


I just really needed to get that off my chest.


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