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I'm super new to the herpes forum

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I'm new to being open about having herpes, I have been silently reading this forum for about a month... I thought it was about time to come outta the closet so to speak. Ive had herpes for over a year now and what a ride, ups and downs all arounds. I've found peace with it, and have a wonderful man that stands beside me. But I still find myself being secret about episodes, they have been frequent recently and I'm not sure why.. Maybe stress of other things in my life, I'm hoping to correct whatever it is. I also find myself more irritable when I'm coming up to an outbreak, is there a reason for this? Could it possibly be because I'm scared to confess even to myself that its happening? I'm still easily affected by it, and I get really sad but it doesn't last as long as it use to! Thanks everyone on here for being awesome!!

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Ah, welcome into the light, Lara! :) This is the next stage in your healing: Coming out, showing yourself to our community, letting yourself be known. And that leaning toward secrecy is another layer of shame. Accepting herpes isn't a black-and-white kind of thing: You're not either deep in shame about herpes or completely over it. It comes in stages. Herpes acceptance is a moment-by-moment process. Even when you're in a relationship, the shame will still show up time to time. Being in a relationship doesn't save us from how we feel about ourselves. And those moments are for us to accept ourselves, too. Being open with our partners about herpes and when we feel outbreaks coming on help to keep them safe. Just like being open and honest and authentic when we have the herpes disclosure talk, that same open, honest authentic communication while in the relationship create the deeper connection that is so beautiful in relationship. We still might have that feeling in the back of our head that the axe is about to fall, that we shouldn't remind our partner that we have herpes since they've already accepted us. (Maybe if we remind them, they'll reject us — "Oh, I almost forgot ... You have HERPES???") ;)


You find yourself more irritable before an outbreak? Well of course you do! It just means that there's another deeper part of you that still has judgments against herpes and yourself. Any of those places you're noticing, first off GREAT WORK! A lot of people don't notice these things. They just react. The fact that you're even noticing your irritation as its happening allows you to do something about it. It's enhancing your own self-awareness. That's awesome. That's just another layer of shame that you get to accept. As your outbreak is happening, you get to take care of yourself and notice any sort of self-judgments coming up. The point is NOT to never react negatively to herpes ever again. The point is to ACCEPT yourself in every moment, even in the negative, irritating reactions. :)


You may have already seen the video, but when I was in relationship with my ex girlfriend (who didn't have herpes), I would tell her I was about to have my "man period" and say it in a playful way instead of a sad trumpet waaaa-waaaaa way. Here's the video on that:


Did you read the "lurkers" post I put up a little while ago? I love that you're out with the rest of us!


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  • 1 month later...

Hi Lara..I am having the same issue now..I think I am having outbreaks like every week..I'm not sick or whatever..but maybe I am stressed with a lot of things..plus being away from my family (never been this far from them -- they are a 16-hour flight away). Plus I noticed that the more I think about it..the more it really becomes an outbreak..I am experiencing it while I am saying it now..it is really hard..but I also have days when I am so so so happy so when I get really lonely because of having H, I remind myself that I will be happy again..that it is just a fleeting feeling..I am reading and replying to posts everyday..it makes me realize that I am not alone in this journey..that there is someone else experiencing the same thing..feeling the same thing as I am..reminds me that I am human instead of just a herpes victim.. :)

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No suppresive meds and they were ramping up I would take acyclavir for every time they came which was about a week after I would be done the pills it was really frustrating, finally I went and got the suppressive pills!! It was horrible.... I'm breast feeding as well, that's kinda why I didn't want to go on the everyday pill, I don't know what it would do to my boy! But I was so stressed out I couldn't stand it anymore! Now I have not been happier, no nothin since I started the suppression meds!! Yay, but still worry about the side effects...



I couldn't imagine being that far away from my family!! I've been trying to deal the same way, just being positive helps a lot... I believe that when I stress it makes the ob more frequent, which turns into a vicious circle cuz when I OB I stress. Bad combo, I started taking suppression pills to help and they are a mind saver.. Are you or have you thought about them?? I'm here to help in anyway I can if you need to chat hit me up I'm always open for convo

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My GYN back in the Philippines didn't want me to take meds all the time. She said just take it when it's really bothersome. She says hsv resolves on its own. I think I am having an OB now..well I though I also had it last month..but I am not sure because I haven't seen the doctor. Well, I will see the doctor if it still persists. To be honest, I don't even know how hsv looks like haha! I just assume it is if it's itchy and painful. Talking to someone will be very wonderful! It is really hard especially when I get lonely and start thinking I will be alone forever! :(

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So you recently had a baby…I wonder if that is causing stress and then in turn causing more OBs? And you mentioned being more irritable… could be more hormonal than anything. Although a beautiful experience obviously many women experience stress after giving birth, even months in… maybe that's leading to the OBs? I'd talk to your OBGYN about that and also to ease your mind about side effects w breast feeding. I'm sure they wouldn't advise taking it if there were risks…?


Ultimately the most important thing is a happy mom - makes for happy baby :) Glad you're feeling better and surely with time all will even out.

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Lara--personal question but were you able to give birth naturally or did you have to have a c section because of H? The fear of Child birth problems has been on my mind ever since I was diagnosed because I've always wanted a family and I'm just not sure what to expect

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Kaybee & Jassabell - The only reason you would need to have a C-section is if you were having an actual active outbreak as you went into labor. And as the day draws close, you can always go the suppressive medication route to lessen the chances of an outbreak even more.

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Hi Lara. You are definitely not alone in thinking you're more irritable before an OB. I had one starting last week and didn't realize it right away since it's only the second one I've had, and first since finding out not even 2 months ago.. but last week I felt myself getting so frustrated and angry so easily over nothing.

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