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Anxious & Embarassed.

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So I found out a few years ago I had herpes type 2- since 2012 I haven’t had an outbreak... thank god. Was in a bad relationship for years after bc I was ashamed and didn’t want to date.... I now have been single for a year and honestly I sabatoge relationships bc I’m embarassed to have “the talk”. Herpes doesn’t affect my life at all.. just this damn talk. Makes me sick thinking about it... I’m dating someone now that is actually a good friend but I’m just so scared to have the talk. I don’t want to ruin things... any advice?

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There are harder conversations to have and much more terrible feelings than having the disclosure talk.

Just read up on some of the other posts, for example:

"I didn't diclose and now I'm alone, ashamed, regretful and sad"


"They found out by surprise and now we're both miserable"

And the boomerang effect

"I never told any of my one night stands because their well-being doesn't matter. Unrelated, I have poor self-image and struggle to respect myself and others"


While I'm sure in all the 7 billion peole of the world (most of them having herpes, by the way), that there are a few psychopaths (not an insult, that's the correct term for the disorder) who genuinely can't feel those things.

I suspect that you are not one of those few, considering your feelings of conflict.

But either way, I assure you that the choice is very clear. If you choose to avoid this important conversation you would be ignoring another human beings right to consent. You would be manipulating them in order to deny them their ability to decide what they do with their body.

No different than the classic "I just assumed she was cool with it".


Everyone has the moral right to decide what they do with thier body, when, and with who.

You already know that.


So, don't use herpes as your excuse to abuse someone else. It's just as weak a defense as any in attempting to justify hurting someone who trusted you.


But more importantly, disclose because you deserve the chance to have a satisying, fulfilling love life (regardless of if this is the one or not). You deserve to be with someone (or people) who respect you, who appreciate you, and in ways that don't destroy your ability to respect and appreciate yourself.

That comes hand in hand with both consent and refusing to accept excuses not to get it.

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