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I don't even know if I have herpes... what should I say?

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I'm a mid thirties recently divorced female who would really appreciate some advice from the helpful people on this forum. I've recently had a herpes scare. Sorry if parts of this are TMI but I am really confused!!


I'd recently been seeing a new guy for about 3 months when I noticed a strange hive-like bump on my groin. It freaked me out because I have history with thinking I have this virus. When I was a teenager I had something much more painful come up shortly after a one night stand and I swear I could see actual sores down there (it felt like a typical first outbreak). I knew something was wrong so I booked into the clinic but by the time my appointment arrived a couple of days later, they simply looked and said there was nothing there. They must have healed up real quick (atypical I know!) Then nothing for years, until a few years back I got a hive like bump on my groin, it was incredibly itchy and annoying but it went away in a few days. However it did come back again a couple of times whilst I was in my marriage. I was suspicious but me and my husband shrugged it off. I haven't really thought about it again until about a month ago when it came back again!


I think in my mind at this point I was pretty sure I had herpes. I panicked and told my new guy, who hadn't really heard of it before (he's older) that I thought I might have it and that we should both get checked out. However 4 days later it had gone before I had even got to the Doctors (weekend and childcare prevented me from getting there quicker), so when I arrived there was nothing to swab. He explained that here in the UK they don't do blood tests and can only diagnose from a swab of an active sore. He told me to forget about it but if anything came back to get to the clinic straight away to test.


I'm trying to forget about it but I feel guilty thinking I may have this whilst back on the dating scene. The new guy tried to be cool with it for about a week and then decided he wasn't ready for a relationship. I think my massive freak out caused him to copy my reaction! So I'm really sad about that because I was totally falling for him and not over that at all yet, but at some point I'll have to get back out on the dating scene and I'm worried if and what I should tell future partners? I don't have a diagnosis, my Dr told me to forget it - but I can't. I feel I need to warn potential partners, partly to protect them but also to protect myself if this comes up further down the line and I do get diagnosed and then they run a mile!


So my question is, how would you handle dating when you think you have this but don't actually know?



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  • 3 weeks later...

The UK doesn't blood test for HSV?

That's surprising. Yet more disappointment with the way the medical community handles the virus.


Not knowing can be more taxing on your mind than having a definitive answer. I'm sorry you're in this position.

Maybe the best thing to do is see if there is some way to get a blood sample shipped yo a lab that will run the test, or visit a clinic across the pond that will dobthe test for you. I'm not sure how feasible those options are, but that's all I can think of.

Outside of that, insisting on using condoms would probably be fair.

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