I just can't move on

[IJDK]

I had my first outbreak a year and some months ago and it still hurt so bad emotionally. i just had my second outbreak a few weeks ago and I cried and cried.Its only herpes type 1..atleast its not the bad one they say.. I lashed out at the doctor because they keep telling me its not a death sentence . Medically no it's not I read all the online literature and watched all the support videos. It just hurts so bad. I don't know if it's a old infection or a new infection since the doctor had only did a swab and not a blood culture. i been with the same partner he has tried to cheer me up but it's strange to me that I have it and he doesn't. he claim he been tested but haven't seen anything . I guess I'm more hurt that I don't know where it came from . I can't move on i dont date i dont want to have the conversation or to even say it out loud. me and my partner got into an argument and he through my diagnosis in my face but how can I be mad its true i have it and he dont . he glad he dont so when its over he will be fine and I won't. I can't see any one accepting this ..accepting me i cant even accept me .

[RegularGuy]

It seems like you are suffering from some pretty serious depression. I noticed that you don't seem to hold yourself in high regard, or think there's much to look forward to in the future.

These are big issues, and it's likely that they will become worse if you don't tackle them right away.

 

First, recognize that much of your fears and shame are really not based on who you are or what you're worth, but rather a temporary state of mind.

Second, you have to decide to both be brutally honest with yourself, but also decide to see the good, valuable things in yourself.

Next, decide if therapy (either in a support group, or one-on-one) is a good option for you. You came here to talk, and that's a step in the right direction! Know that we are all in your corner, to listen and to share advice from personal experience. Having someone to talk to in person might also help a lot.

 

But the really important thing is to see the good in yourself. You are worthy of respect and admiration, especially your own!

Take action to prove that you are worthy of your own respect and admiration. Seek opportunities to do good for other people. It doesn't have to change the world, the people you do good for don't even have to be grateful. Simply holding a door for someone who needs a hand breeds a sense of self-appreciation that can help turn depression around.

Do things that you have always enjoyed doing. Some hobby or interest that consistently makes you feel both comfortable with yourself and accomplished. For me, that can be as simple as doing dishes or as complex as working on writing a book. It will help you to see that nothing fundamental has changed about you, you're still capable of all the things you ever have been.

And make a plan to treat yourself a little in some way that gets you excites to actually do that thing. Whether it's seeing a movie, going to a concert or finally going out to buy that putfit you might have been weighing out buying. Let yourself be excited about it, feel the anticipation, ans remember that you will get to do all kinds of exciting things in the future. There's literally nothing stopping you from living the way you want to, herpes is just weighing on your mind, adding irrational anxiety and fear. The truth is that it might change a couple of moments that would have otherwise been different, but it won't actually ruin anything.

 

And if old dude left over -just- herpes, he did you a favor. Any rational person knows that it's hard to find a genuinely good person, and herpes doesn't effect anyone's worth, kindness or ability to be honest and caring.

 

See those things in yourself and work on learning to appreciate and respect yourself again.

I had a bit of a road to earning back my own self-respect, I had to really test myself. But it's worth it because I got to see that nothing about me changed over such a common diagnosis.

[IJDK]

Thank you i really appreciate your comment and your advice! it just really gets to me at time ppl are misinformed especially where im from. me n my partner are still hanging in he was the one who took care of me my first outbreak . I have to accept my diagnosis from what it is and that I won't know where it came from or how long i had it. the doctor recommended a therapist because they told me it been too long for them to find out if it was an old infection or a new one. I'm still healing inside and one day I will feel beautiful again

[Bambina3]

Misinformation, stigma, we have all been there.

You are beautiful, don’t let anyone tell you different !!

Hugs!!

[IJDK]

Awwww thank u!!!!! ❤❤❤❤

[mstanya1234]

Next month will be two years for me since I found Out! Honestly I wish I had Had only type 1 but I have Both the crazy thing is I never Had any blisters until I found Out I had It! That’s why I hate I rver Found out! It’s worst knowing! I never had a bad outbreak so I cant Say when my initial one is was! I just Kept having an inch I couldn’t get rid of and webt To the dr! This is hard on me two years down the road! I have been going to a mental health Sr but I got To see a phy dr on July 9! I’m in such a mental state my dr has taken me off work because I can’t cope with this!