10 months into relationship, he has 1st outbreak... now what?

[tebee]

He's had no symptoms before this one. Not sure when he got it, or how long he's had it. He just got his first outbreak 2 weeks ago, got blood tests to confirm, and is positive hsv2. I got tested as well, negative to both.

We've had a lot of unprotected sex in the 10 months we've been together. Now what? Once his clear up, we start using condoms? I've read that a partner who hasn't gotten from an infected partner over a long while is less likely to after the first 12 months or some such thing? And that an infection is more contagious the first year? There's so much info out there, conflicting info.

Thoughts?

[NewReality]

You're right, there is a lot of info out there and it can be difficult to sort through. However, in regards to the first 12 months of being the most likely to spread HSV2 that appears to be true. The body is still building up a lot of anti-bodies at this point. In some cases, people have numerous outbreaks during their first year and it gets significantly better afterwards because the body is more adjusted to it.

 

The safest way to continue a sexual relationship is to have in take a daily anti-viral and use condoms. This really limits the transmission percentage to about 2.5% annually (studies differ slightly). If you're not that concerned about transmission and really don't like condoms, having him take the anti-viral puts transmission at about 5% annually.

[RegularGuy]

Chances are this uncertainty about what is the best way to handle things will continue for a little while until you both talk about it and "feel things out". My girlfriend and I went back to using condoms for a while, but mostly because of my own temporary issues with self-image after diagnosis. Once I straightened my thoughts out, sex went back to normal, spontaneous fun.

 

Therr is nothing wrong with being a little cautious for a while as you each figure things out. You can totally ask him to take medication and use condoms and expect that he will either agree to it, or compromise and agree to abstain for a bit. You don't want shame, guilt or regret involved with sex at all. Nobody deserves that.