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Terrible regrets, clueless

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I stayed in contact with someone I didn’t disclose to. He’s having complications because of the virus, he needs to get circumised because his wounds healed imperfectly, making his foreskin have scars on it and it’s now too tight to be pulled back properly, it became too small. It’s like hell. I want to kill myself. I of course wouldn’t really do it but gosh darn it, I’m devastated and I can only imagine how he feels. I was in emotional shock after my diagnosis, I literally refused to understand that it’s incurable, I was in denial as if I was grieving. I should’ve gone to a therapist but I had no one to be there for me. I live alone, no friend is close enough to me to ask for advice, I was just suffering trying to cope, no one pushed me outta that depression and took me to a therapist. Whatever. I was drunk, tired, and sad when I hooked up with this guy. After a decend date and having some wine he got really wild and kissed me even tho I wasn’t interested in getting physical on a first date. It was late, I felt robbed of my dignity, I was reminded of the guy whom I caught the virus from in a non consensual encounter... My brain and willpower was way too weak to say anything. We started with some oral sex which could’ve been okay by me, I would’ve just thought of it as a bad one night stand, but he then proceeded to actually have penis-to-vagina contact and I felt totally lost. He didn’t date-rape me, and I didn’t lie to him. It was just a very unlucky way of things happening. A series of things happening the wrong way. Anyway, I’m so sad I don’t think I’ll ever be okay. Thanks for reading this sh*t.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I am sorry that both you and him had to go through this. Having herpes is terrible and the way your date went is no better too and from your thread I feel like you feel no respect for yourself... Try to relax, gain some self-confidence, do meditation, it does wonders for gaining some self confidence and dealing with the guilt of giving someone herpes. If you ever need someone to talk to, don't hesistate to message me.

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I feel for you! Read my story 3 lines after you where I didn’t disclose and the guy I really cared about ended up getting it and I lied about it then eventually ended up correcting my mistakes and admitting to it. Trust me, I was also in denial for 3 years! I didn’t want to talk or even research about it. What I learned from my experience is that we can’t dwell on the past. What’s done is done and now you have to focus your energy on forgiving and healing yourself! Trust me, it’s not going to come right away and it’s a process. I’m dealing with it now. Now you know the consequences of your actions & you can educate yourself in learning more about herpes and protecting your potential partners.. Herpes is just herpes! Don’t be fearful about opening up about it. I’ve learned that opening up and talking about herpes gives it less of a power over me. I took its power away as soon as I openly talk about it to my family and friends. Don’t let this question your self worth. We made a mistake but it doesn’t mean that we are bad people. It just means we’re humans. Just always disclose next time & learn from this.

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  • 1 month later...

The person I was having casual sex with us denied and will continue denying that they have herpes. You guys are amazing for openly admitting to it and continue to be there for the person. The guy that gave it to me has been such a prick and is in denial. Just remember it could be worse and that you’re not the first or the last to go through this. You live and you learn!!!

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