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Feeling confused, scared and a little dirty

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I was diagnosed about 5 days ago with HSV-1. The guy I was seeing periodically had a cold sore. He does get them every so often and contracted it when he was a child. We’ve been seeing each other off and on for about 2 years. He’s always very careful and will not even kiss me when it’s active. He had a stubborn cold sore a couple weeks ago and it took awhile to go away. Here’s the deal ... we hadn’t had oral sex in a couple months and about 5 days before I was diagnosed we did. What I’m confused about is that my vagina was sore before we did it; I thought it was from a strong soap I used. Is it possible I contracted this at another time rather than last week? I have told him and he’s devastated he gave this to me. He told me the cold sore was just starting to come back when he went down on me and It was literally only a minute. My OB seems to be lingering in certain areas but at least it’s not as painful as it was and seems to be improving... at least I hope so. I’m definitely having mixed emotions. The crying episodes have gotten better.... I haven’t told my husband yet though. Yes I said my husband. I’ve been unfaithful and now this !!!! I’m not sure how or when to tell him. We’re not having sex right now in fact I’ve contemplated divorce before this happened . Question? Will we always have to use a condim now or only at the start of an outbreak? I have so many questions I don’t know where to begin.

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Seems like you're in a really tough situation.

You alrady know this, but you have seriously got to tell your husband about your diagnosis. For your own sake as much as his.

He does have a right to know anything that might effect his health and well-being, even by proxy. Failing to tell him about your diagnosis isn't just manipulating him, it would be malicious and would weigh more heavily on your own view of yourself.


As far as your clinical questions, it would be a good idea to ask a doctor who can give you frank answers you need. Better, visit a doctor with your husband so that his questions can be answered as well.


I suspect that failing to communicate and avoiding tough conversations contributed to your current situation, but you have to break that cycle. The hole goes much deeper that where you are now unless you take action to decide on what kind of future you will experience.

Start by disclosing to your husband and then take action to protect him by following through with talking to your doctor together.

If you haven't already, ask your doctor about supression medication like valacyclovir.

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I was just told i had Hsv 2 at a 8.9 but i only been dealing with this new guy im with for now going on 6 months do you think it possible that my number to high and i been had it he is being tested to see if he have it or could i contracted with the few months we been dating

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