Would like to put someone's mind at ease.

[TRsPassion]

My bf and I (we are both positive for HSV 2 genitally), I am on suppresive therapy (have been since my primary and only outbreak Feb 2017), he is not, but has never had an outbreak; we met up with a friend over the weekend for a little debauchery. My question is, if I was performing oral sex on him, and then she and I were kissing afterward, what is the likelihood of a transfer of his HSV 2 orally through me to her orally. She is concerned that she could end up with an oral presentation of HSV 2, that would have transferred via my saliva. Neither the bf, nor I are positive for HSV 1. I've read that HSV 2 is rarely transferred to an oral outbreak in immunocompromised people, but even that information is related to the recipient performing oral sex directly on the positive genital region, I can't find anything that provides answers for this instance of a third party being infected by kissing someone that had performed oral sex on someone else.

 

Thank you for any information, or even direction in locating a possible answer.

[RegularGuy]

First, I would recommend that if you haven't disclosed already, definitely do that. It takes a huge amount of stress and potential regret out of sex, and nobody deserves to feel that way.

Second, if the possibility of transmission is there, you should tell this person that you think it's a good idea for them to get tested. Generally, 4-6 weeks after infection is when HSV will show on a blood test and symptoms usually appear in the form of outbreak within a week. You can explain the circumstances and actions that caused you to become concerned about transmission, and help them to understand that it might be worry over nothing.

Third, don't beat yourself up. You didn't set out to harm anyone. And as long as you made this person aware of your diagnosis and the risk before getting physical, they are an adult and responsible for their own decisions just as much as you are responsible for your own.

 

You won't find any solid answers regarding individual acts such as this scenario, because there are way too many variables to possibly account for.

The best thing to do is tell this person what has you worried, and offer to help them get tested, find answers, and provide some support as a sympathetic ear while they want one.

You don't HAVE to do any of that, but it would make you feel better about the outcome (good or bad), and maintain your own positive view of yourself.

[TRsPassion]

Of course we disclosed beforehand, she was entirely aware of both our status' weeks before we played. I am not too concerned about it because I think the likelihood of transfer in this method is probably very low, primarily because research shows that HSV 2 isn't really hospitable orally (or at least "very rarely among immunocompromised individuals"), and in order for this particular transfer to occur, it would have to survive in my mouth, AND her mouth, that to me, seems like it would need to be a perfect storm (1-2% chance of me orally, AND a 1-2% chance of her recieving it orally). I was just hoping to find something concrete to share with her so she could rest assured that her decision was a sound one. But I understand the multitude of potential outcomes, and why every scenario may not be covered.

Thanks for your answer.

[RegularGuy]

Sorry to say that it's so difficult to pin down risk.

In the meantime, I'd like to add that I'm glad to hear you take disclosure so seriously! You should be proud that you get consent without ommission or manipulation, so very many people rationalize themself into the bad guy.

At anyrate, keep doing things the way it seems you've been doing. I'm fairly sure the worry is over nothing. But keep following through on being there if you need to be and she will be fine no matter how it turns out.