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- here we go -


Waited to have sex until I met the man I was truly in love with, after 4 months of marriage and a lot of stress I found out I had Herpes, he claimed he didn't know (which was a lie). Looking back I think the fear of starting over and having herpes was the excuse I made to myself to stay for 6 long years in such a bad relationship.


Great news! I am free now - going on 7 years :) and my life just keeps getting better.

Having to deal with Herpes has not been fun - however outbreaks have not presented in the past 7 years as they did in the beginning, now that I finally got the courage to start again and found someone I was really really interested in, got my first slap of rejection, I get it... it happen for a reason, but being rejected because of H sucks! I also understand they reject the H and not me, but this adds a variable to all this finding a soul mate and it almost feels like it reduces the fund and spontaneity in a relationship.


I was told today I live in the shame of it - and yes I do... not sure if I will ever get over it.


In all of this what I am looking for is to become a stronger person / woman / human being, in all that it would be great if I can find someone that loves ME, sadly in my marriage (looking back) I was not loved as a woman should be loved... and it was probably because loving myself was a foreign concept.


Having said all that - again I am very happy, like everybody else I am a good person :) and want to learn how to disclose this but mostly how to deal with the rejection... and MOVE ON... :)



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It was good to talk with you the other day. And I get how it can feel like you've now got this thing that will have life and intimate relationships be less spontaneous and fun. I thought the same thing! And my relationships AFTER herpes have been spontaneous, fun and deeper and a whole lot more than BEFORE I got herpes. Is it because of the herpes? Well, I wouldn't put herpes on a pedestal like that. ;) I believe that herpes was the wakeup call I needed to actually reach deeper into myself and discover what was lovable deeper than my skin.


So less spontaneous and fun? Maybe. And maybe not. Who's to say? Know that you are in fact making that up. It's a possibility AND so many other things are possibilities, too. Why are you choosing to focus on this one that has you feeling not so good about your future? :) It could just as easily be spontaneous and fun and a whole lot more that you have no idea about because you aren't there yet. You haven't found that guy yet. You haven't had that experience yet. You haven't gone through what acceptance truly feels like yet. There's a lot that is up in the air and in your imagination about this.


Know that this is a process and a journey toward deeper and deeper love. And it's not always easy. But life isn't always easy either. Life is a beautiful mix of pain, beauty, sorrow, love, heartbreak and everything in between. The sooner we embrace that it's ALL of that, the sooner we can sink into what is instead of rejecting it as "not enough" and waiting for it to be "better." There is no such thing. Life is what it is right now. We don't have power over everything that happens in life, but we do have power over how we choose to allow it to impact us.


I'm glad you're here. And I'm glad you're reaching out. You're already well on your way down the path of healing. Coming out and simply talking about it is a big step. Congratulations. :)

Note: This is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis.
I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

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Again thank you - you are right. This is the first time I reach out for help and support other than my doctors.


Hate talking about this and how it makes me feel, because it brings out a world of emotions that I wish I didn't have to deal with.



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