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I found out about a month ago I got herpes, from a new partner I had recently started seeing (just my luck right) and while I tried to keep the relationship going and make it work it was clear that I was starting to feel anger and hatred towards him, since he was the one I had gotten it from. It began to be too much and I just recently ended it. I was taking my anger out on him and it wasn’t fair, not to mention a whole bunch of other things about him drove me insane. He then has the nerve to say to me “good luck finding someone who understands that you have it”. To which resulted in me flipping out and putting the blame on him, Which is rightfully so. This has made me so much more angry, as if having to deal with watching my health and checking down there for any outbreaks wasn’t enough on top of my daily life!! I just really want to know if those of you who have been single and got into a relationship if there is hope to finding love after getting herpes. I know I’m not alone but dating outside the positive realm has kind of frightened me because i don’t want to be rejected because I’m positive for a common STD. Has anyone found hope in positive dating sites?

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@kayx33 Good for you for letting him go. From his reaction, and your description, it sounds like even without H, this wouldn’t have been your long-term guy.

Like you, I am new to all this— just found out about my diagnosis about 3 weeks ago. I got it from the guy I was dating for several months. We knew we weren’t a forever thing, but there was still genuine care there. Diagnosis came along when I got my first OB and it was awful— the pain, confusion, questions, emotional blow of the news, etc... but I tried to stay positive (felt like at least in this initial stretch I’d have this guy who gave it to me to figure this out with). Boy was I wrong! I told him the news and he clearly had no idea that he had this, seems he’s asymptomatic and so news caught him off guard too. But the reaction I got was so hurtful and unexpected. Turns out in the week I struggled to get better from blow of the first outbreak— meds, stuck in bed unable to walk without severe pain, trying to take in the new info and what this meant, realizing my diet wads this going to help the situation and unsure what to even eat, etc.— meanwhile gets online and chats up a new woman and by weeks end breaks it off saying he’s found someone new and is ready to go all-in with her! I was simply blown away. That’s when I got angry and deeply hurt. He had no idea what kind of pain I was in or what this HSV diagnosis meant (for me or for him), maybe his reaction was one of avoidance, maybe it was poor judgment, maybe it was fear, but whatever the reasons, it was hurtful on top of everything else that came with that news and first OB.

I went from feeling like I could tackle this and that I’d have support in figuring out some of what it all meant going forward intimately (and otherwise) with a partner. But instead, I found myself alone finishing my med cycle with no support from the one person who should have been there in that moment. So, I don’t have answers to your question...but I share a similar wonder about dating and intimate relationships and I’ll monitor this thread. That said, I have found my resolve to deal with this as I do most other things in life— with a positive outlook and with my support network at my side. His leaving forced me to open up to some close family and friends. And you know, they ALL knew instinctively what I needed in those moments. They have listened, they provide hugs, they cheer me on and remind me of my wonderful, they helped me get through the first OB, they will be there by my side as I figure out the rest! Those are the long-term people in my life and that’s the sort of person I hope to eventually find in love as well. If someone can’t cut it when things get hard, then better to let them go.

In your case— seems like his comment to you at break up was also a showing of true colors. But he doesn’t get to knock you down any further!

Find your supports— here or in other relationships in your life— and lean on them. I found they were grateful and supportive entirely without judgement.

Down the road a ways, when You and I (and countless other on here) have figured out how to keep the health-bits of this under control, then we’ll take on the next step of meeting someone who is there for the right reasons. Who sees our awesomeness in full and doesn’t let this hold them back. I have my concerns, I have my fears, I don’t look forward to a need to disclose. And right now I also have so many questions about risk and sex, etc.... that I know I’m not yet ready to attempt next relationship given HSV. So for now I’ll take that pause as a gift and focus on me. Practicing self-care, revisiting the foods I eat and their impacts on my health going forward, reading as much as I can about this diagnosis, and leaning on the people who love me no matter what!


We’ll be alright.

Let that guy go and don’t look back. If he wasn’t there when you needed him (and wasn’t right fit in the first place), don’t waste any more energy on him. You have YOU to take care of.

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I think he sounds like a selfish jerk. You deserve a man that supports you when you're have a hard time. I found out about my diagnoses 2 and a half months ago and I've been struggling with my self confidence but when it comes down to it hsv1 or 2 is just a skin condition. Plenty of people have skin conditions that are passed by contact. This one shouldn't be treated any differently. A smart logical man will understand that. I hope you the best and want you to know catching this skin condition doesn't change you or your worth. The more you talk about it the more comfortable you'll feel about it. Please let me know if you ever need someone to talk to.

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