Boyfriend does not want to have sex

[Citygirl99]

Hi all! I have been feeling a bit down lately as no men I have been with have accepted my herpes diagnosis. I have type 1 genital herpes and take medication, meaning with a condom chances are only 1% (which I think is darn good!), however, no man I have seen believe this. Most find the 1% too high. I have recently been seeing someone for the past 5 months and we both have deep feelings, however, he is still afraid to have sex because he fears he may contract the virus. He allows me to perform oral sex however he will not perform it on me. We both are perfect for eachother but I feel as if it my fault (even though it isn’t) that we cannot have sex. I mean we can have sex, but I do not believe he is willing to take the risk. I am unsure as to what to do as we both have extremely strong feelings and he is perfect otherwise. I also find it hard as there is not much research on type one genital herpes which makes it difficult to come up with concrete statistics.

 

Overall I adore him but I feel Hurt that he does not want to have sex as the chances are so small.

 

 

[Hopefulharley]

To me it seems selfish that he allows you to satisfy him while you are left feeling guilty and unsatisfied. Have you told him how you feel and showed him the stats about the meds and the condoms?

[sixpillows]

Sorry to hear, me and my bf just broke up yesterday because of his being scared of getting the virus. I hope it works out for you

[Citygirl99]

 

Thanks, I guess there is nothing I can really do besides hope he will come to terms with it all. Out of my control.

 

[happyman_adventurous]

Hi @Citygirl99, the statistic is 1% after 1 year of regular sex (2 times per week).

 

So it's nothing close to 1% for every sexual act, but 1% after 104 encounters (2 times per week during 52 weeks in a year).

 

That makes it 100 times less likely to catch it than 1%: in reality is 0.01% for encounter, if you used daily meds and condoms during non-outbreak times.

 

As a personal note, I'd say that:

 

- if you combine daily meds

- ...with condoms

- ...during non-outbreak time

- ...having a shower before and after sex

- ... having a softer sex, that doesn't cause micro-abrasions

- ...not razor-shaving your or (even more importantly) HIS genital area (razor-shaving increases a lot the risk of acquiring / transmission)...

 

...then the possibility of transmission is practically 0 (zero) for your boyfriend.

 

If you keep all risky factors below danger zone, you are quite fine.

 

Here you have the Herpes facts sheet to handle to your boyfriend, so he may understand it better:

 

- https://herpesopportunity.com/downloads/herpes-opportunity-disclosure-handout.pdf

 

Hope you're fine and take care.

[Citygirl99]

Thanks so much, this was so helpful!!