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I will be okay.

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Hi Someone_else,


First of all, thank you so much for reaching out. Secondly, I am so sorry you are going through this. I wish I could rush over and make it all better for you, but as you are realizing, life has changed for you. I can relate to all that you are saying. I had very similar thoughts and feelings. I didn't know for sure who I got my herpes from but I was recently separated from my husband and was reeling from that and then found out that I had herpes and was sure my sex life was over. Divorced and celibate. Awesome! I also shave as well, so that was a concern and I was absolutely terrified of having another outbreak. Every twinge, every pain, every tingle would set me into a tizzy. The idea of another outbreak made me crazy and it was all that I could think about. That was a year and a half ago. Here is what I have learned since then.


My sex life is NOT over. In fact, it has saved me a lot of heartache because now I bring my head and my heart to every relationship and I make far better choices when it comes to relationships. I don't rush in like I used to. I have met so many people through this site and also through our local group that my circle of friends has actually grown and I have met some of the most amazing people.


Shaving can be done but just be careful. If you are having an outbreak or feeling like one, maybe just hold off for a day or two to see. I haven't had any issues with it though.


The outbreaks - well, I have stopped obsessing about it and fearing it. I had decided that my next outbreak would be different and that I was going to love myself through it. I had an outbreak a few weeks ago and instead of freaking out and being upset and judging the hell out of myself the whole way through, I decided to love myself the whole way through. I did nice things for myself, I sent love to the herpes, I got enough rest, I made sure I ate healthy - just like you would do for a friend or would do if you had the flu. If you are sick, you stop and take care of yourself and herpes is no different. What I found is that the outbreak healed in a matter of days. I was actually shocked and realized the more I freak out about it, the worse it gets. Think about it - your cells all have a brain and memory - if you send hatred and judgment to them, how are they going to heal? If you send love and acceptance, only good things can happen.


Try to be patient with yourself. Your feelings are real. Sit with them, accept them, breathe through them, listen to what they are trying to tell you. Like you would a scared child, sit with your inner child and love her. Acknowledge her fear, her anger, her resentment, her uncertainty. If you run from the feelings, they will only chase you down. Don't judge yourself for feeling how you feel. This is a big deal for you right now. It's life changing and like any change, it's going to take some time to adjust. It's totally natural to wish things could just go back to the way they were. The fact is, they can't so wishing it will only make you miserable. Accept what is in this moment - the good, the bad, and the lovely. As you read through this forum, you will read about people who have come out the other side of this and have found the diamonds and the amazing gifts in all of this. Reach out and express how you feel. Share your fears, ask for help as you are, do whatever you need to get through this and trust that on the other side there is healing, there is a great life and there is something amazing waiting for you!




Brenda xo

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The short answer is I wait about a week to have sex after the last remnants of the outbreak leave. But a lot of people say the transmission possibilities are gone after the scans are healed. I just like to play it extra safe for my partner.


The longer answer would involve a deeper inquiry around what "intimacy" means to you? I personally wouldn't avoid intimacy just because of a simple herpes outbreak. Intimacy is much, much more than just sexual contact.

Note: This is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis.
I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

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I have recently been diagnosed my self. I am sorry that you're going through this but the good news is that you're in the right place! :) I understand your frustration with being intimate. Crying, definitely been my thing the past few weeks, especially when it comes to intimacy. I'm not with my boyfriend anymore though he was around when I found out and I would just cry when I got turned on, because honestly I don't even want to touch myself let alone have someone else be near me. So it's okay to cry, let it out, it helps I promise and eventually you'll run out of tears. This new life is so fresh in your mind right now and it feels tragic. Even though I have not had it long, I am telling you as the days pass it gets just a little easier to cope with. One day at a time.


In response to what Brenda said, she is 100% right! Love yourself, pamper yourself, breathe and relax. Your thoughts have more control then you think. Take care of yourself and remember that you are strong enough to get through it. Finding this forum was the best thing to happen to me and it will be for you too. Everything is going to be okay. :)


All my love, Jess

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This was so painful to read because those were my exact feelings when I was diagnosed, I felt like I lost myself. I promise with time you will begin to accept it as a small part of you, it's just a virus after all! With time outbreaks happen and hurt less and you'll find that shaving has no affect on causing an outbreak but may not be a good idea if you currently have one!i take acylovir episodically (the second i feel off down there) and my outbreaks never last longer than a few days. Sex hasn't caused me outbreaks either just use plenty of lube and be careful when you have an ob. Things will begin to feel normal again you just have to accept h as a part of who you are and it honesty takes a back seat in your life. Goodluck <3

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