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Depressed, Guilty and Feeling Lost

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Forewarning this will be a very long post... some backstory. My husband and I haven’t been married for two years yet and during the first six months of our marriage we went through an extremely rough patch. I failed my husband in that time, and I stepped outside our marriage and found comfort from two people, one of which was an emotional affair and lasted five months. Not a chapter of my life I look back on and feel proud. I was in a very bad place and was feeling extremely unwanted (not that it is any type of excuse). No matter what the situation of my husband and I, it was absolutely unforgivable for me to lie and cheat. But what was done was done. We have since gone to counseling and have been working on things. He’s a good man and I didn’t and don’t deserve his forgiveness or his love.

Since then, it’s been over a year since being unfaithful. However it’s a mistake that has followed me and has come back to bite both of us. We were both diagnosed with H roughly two months ago. Based on our bloodwork from our doctors, his infection is new (within the past six months according to his doctor) and my blood has shown that I’ve had this for an unforeseen amount of time. 

It’s taken me too long to do so, that I’m also not proud of, but I have been in contact with the two people from that dark part of my life. I’m waiting to hear their results. Based on this newly discovered information and the fact that we are now stuck with this for the rest of our lives, tensions have been high. We have both been extremely depressed. I’ve been trying so hard to be reassuring to him, while I myself still struggling with coming to terms with this. He needs answers and help putting this behind us so we can both move on, together. I consider myself very fortunate that he even still wants anything to do with me. I’m hoping he gets the answers that he needs. I’m hoping I am still enough for him at this point.

Im not sure if I’m looking for advice or just venting... it feels good to just write it out but it doesn’t change the situation I have put myself and the person I hold most dear to me in.

Has anyone else put their loved one in such a compromised situation and they stayed? What is your advice?

I feel guilty, depressed, lost and I’m trying desperately to change for the better. I’m in therapy, I’m openly and honestly keeping the lines of communication open with him. I’m answering any and all questions he has hoping to ease his mind. 


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I got it very recently, the guy had unprotected sex with me 5 times knowing he has herpes, and he didn’t tell me, at least you didn’t know.

Whilst emotionally I am at my lowest ever I will repeat to you what the advice line said to me in case it helps you, it is just a cold sore virus, do you talk about cold sores on your face, do you allow them to end relationships, do they change your life fundamentally? This might help you live longer because you will have a constant threat if you don’t look after your health it will come out to punish you..

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