The other side- being disclosed to-

[KRS17]

Hello all!

 

  I am hsv-1 positive(about 8 years in), and have been reading this site for quite awhile now.  I've responded to some posts, but as I've been browsing I realized that there are few stories out there about how it feels to be the one being disclosed to.  So, here we go-

 

Though I am now hsv-1 positive, I did not contract it til I was around 30 years old(I am currently 38).  The story I want to tell you occurred when I was 23.

 

  I met a man. He was a bit older(15 years my senior to be precise) and was hilarious.  Told the best stories and was just the light and life in a room.  At 23 I'd had one partner at 17 that was my high school sweetheart, and when I say "partner" I mean he thrust once and I kinda freaked out as I wasn't ready.  That was it.  He was awesome and completely understanding.  Fast forward to 21, met someone else amazing and had an actual healthy sex life.  When that ended, got tested(fully) clear...and then came the older man.  The details are not important- but here is what is...

 

  After a few weeks of flirting, bumping into each other at the same places and gravitating to one another, and random phone calls/text messages(and maybe two stolen kisses), he disclosed.  Rapidly, out of nowhere, and with no hesitation or shame.  He told me as we were driving over to his house to see his dog-  I wanted to meet her.  It came out so casually, with such matter-of-factness that I barely registered at first what he said.  We continued to his house, I played with his Jack Russel terrier(to this day one of the best dogs I've ever met), and told him I'd have to think about it.  He was cool.

 

  I thought less than a day.  Did some quick research, but really, I was falling for this guy and the risk to me was minimal.  He took antivirals, we used condoms, and avoided contact during an outbreak.  We stayed together for 5 years.  FIVE.  Plenty of good sexual contact.  I NEVER CONTRACTED FROM HIM.  I knew my risks and also knew intimacy with him was totally worth it.  We ended up splitting for reasons that had nothing to due with the condition, just more about how we saw the future shaping up.  To this day, we are in loose contact, and he is one of the best men I've ever known.  I do not regret exposing myself to the virus, just as I have no regrets about however I came to be infected over five years later.  In fact, I reached out to him to ask how he'd gotten so confident at disclosing.  

 

  I don't want to come off as arrogant or conceited, but at that time he was certainly not my only "option" or interested person.  There was no shortage of interested parties(I was a bartender at the time, so by default I was the "catch" as I was always considered "unattainable")  

 

My point in sharing this story, especially to all of you who are dealing with this in your late teens/early 20's...is that you are by no means out of the sexually exploratory time in your life.  Even if I wasn't certain about seeing a future with my older man, I would have done it anyway.  This is just a goddamned skin condition that has a bad rap.  Any hsv disclosure to me at any time in my twenties would never have been a deal breaker.  Getting it later...well, OH WELL.  You all have read the numbers here. It's not that big of a deal.  Uncomfortable sometimes in practice and in body, yes.  But not life threatening, should't be life changing, and just a chance to be more honest and open with yourself as well as those you deem worthy of getting closer to.

 

Cheers, and thanks for reading!

[curlycorn]

I love this, it's so positive 🙂 (lol I guess that statement could be taken multiple ways given the situation)

[mr_hopp]

Thanks for sharing @KRS17! Love the contribution. 

[Sumshine]

Cheer to you!!! I feel exactly the same and contracted this very young from a man who I was crazy about so it didn't matter. Life went on. 30 some odd years later, I'm happily married and happy to say (I have hvs 2 by the way), I have NEVER passed it to anyone!!! I repeat no one!!!  I just practiced safe sex, take antivirals, disclosed ( married for many moons now)...and live a great life!!!! 

[Jasmine10]

thank you @KRS17 and @Sumshine for the happy stories! I ONLY want to read happy stories from now on 🙂

[CMB11]

Absolutely love this, thank you for sharing it! Gives me so much hope!!

[KRS17]

Thank you, so glad this could help a little!