My story

[Ella18]

Hi everyone , I’m new here ! I’ve had HSV2 for 13 years now and I’ve been managing it and dealing with it as I have no choice. I had my first boyfriend all throughout high school (the first person I slept with) I dated him for 4 years , because he was my first boyfriend I felt like I needed to take a break from being in such a serious relationship since I was going into college.  We broke up and I was not looking for a new boyfriend right away by any means, I was a young girl 18 at the time and just wanted to have fun an explore my options as a teenage girl. I met this handsome guy who I had never seen or knew of, I went on a date with him. He said we were going to the movies , once I got into his truck and he took me to his house. He said he thought we would just hang out there, which I felt very uncomfortable about but I didn’t speak up and thought it would be okay and that I would make sure I didn’t go on another date with him. Long story short , he practically raped me and just a few days later I stated experiencing what I thought was a UTI. I hadn’t ever really had one before so I tried not to worry and eventually it went away. I soon after had another one and I was just so young and dumb I didn’t go to the doctor I think I was in denial and hoping it just wouldn’t come back again. Needless to say, about a year later I met (my now boyfriend of 11 year now ). I hadn’t had any more outbreaks so I was thinking for sure I was good to go , well the first time we slept together I got pregnant ! Luckily we really liked each other right ?! Yeah!  So we had a baby together and we’ve been together ever sense, when my baby was 1 years old ( I remember bc it was her actual birthday ) I had a full outbreak , I got so scared I went to the health dept locally and they did a hsv2 test, they called me and told me that it was positive and I thought my life was over. I was still in denial but I did tell my partner , he thought that the test had to be wrong bc he hadn’t been affected by it and assured me that they had to be wrong. Since then it’s happened off and I’m throughout the years. I know for sure that I have it without a doubt and it’s somet that I’ve just learned to live with and deal with. However, I live in a very small town and everyone knows everyone , I therefore I have to go to another nearby city to see a doctor and get my valtrex.  I’ve never told any of my family that I have this or any of my friends. My partner is the only person that I have ever talked to about it and he is in total denial still, even after 11 years he does not want to talk about it and when I do bring it up he tells me that he doesn’t have it so neither do I. Which I do! So I just don’t talk about it  him anymore. I would like to have someone to talk to about this because I can’t talk to him about it and I can’t bring myself to tell my family. They are very judgmental and I feel like they would secretly talk about me or having this. I got it from the second person I ever slept with and I’ve been living with it since, its not fair to me ,it’s hard to deal with, me sometimes I just get depressed and feel like I am unworthy of anything because this happened to me. I try not  think about it and not to feel sorry for myself but sometimes I do feel like I need someone to talk to ! 

[beBravebeBOLD]

Hey Ella! I’m sorry you had this for so long and haven’t had anyone to talk to.   I certainly know the feeling of loneliness and isolation because of this and this website has helped.  The stigma the virus comes with far exceeds the issues it present. But maybe spend time here gathering strength and knowledge and a sense of community so you can heal with people who understand and in time you’ll be able to address your partner with facts and knowledge if and when he wants it.

 Other than that I must say even though your partner isn’t a good communicator he’s still there and isn’t making you feel like a freak for having this.  I mean I can understand wanting to speak about it and have an open dialogue but in a sense be happy that you have a man that’s not making you feel like a walking disease because I’ve had that scenario

[Ella18]

Thank you for your encouraging words . I think the reason that my partner , doesn’t want to discuss it is because he isn’t sure if he gave it to me because he’s never given me the opportunity to talk to him about it and explain anything, he shuts me or every time. He has several partners before me and Luckily he didn’t catch anything , If so I never knew of it. He’s also cheated on me during the beginning of the relationship so I think he honestly just doesn’t know if he got it else where and has too much pride to admit anything for sure. It’s just hard to deal with alone but i am thankful hah I finally found a group of people to help me and talk to!