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I didn't disclose and now I feel awful

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Hey HO, first time poster after finding this site this week. I did the unspeakable and didn't disclose before getting intimate with someone. I have oral HSV-1 but it only gives me a tiny cold sore every once or twice a year. My doctor told me its not a big deal and I rarely even think about it in my every day life.

I just want to lay the situation out there and get some advice and maybe inspiration to move forward because I am currently feeling like the biggest POS on the planet.

A week ago, I was out on the town with friends and happened to meet a girl with whom I had an instant connection to. This being pretty rare for me having been sexually stagnant and not really being in the mindset of a sexual relationship for the last year to 16 months, I decided to keep the night going with her. We ended up splitting from the group to go to another place to talk, get to know each other better, and drink with each other. I had no intentions of the night going the way it did, but I was pretty drunk by the end of the night and things got hot and heavy very quickly after we got out of the public eye. We ended up having sex (oral included), and after the twilight of drunk, stoned, passion wore off, I truly realized what I had done. I feel like I have disrespected her, myself, and any chance at being able to continue to see this lovely lady after this, not to mention the unnecessary risk I put her in without her making that choice. I truly like her a lot and If she ended up with it I don't even know how I would feel or react knowing I did that to someone. I really am ashamed of myself and am having a hard time with how to proceed. The next time I see her in person (potentially tonight), I am going to disclose the whole situation and be as real as possible, but she said she is feeling sick and I fear it is because I may have transmitted it to her based on the timeline and presume she is feeling symptoms or something. I could be wrong but my mind is racing with possibilities and I am extremely disappointed in myself that I let the situation go the way it did. There is no excuse, only an explanation, and I can't change the past.

Should I go about wording this in a certain way to her? What if she caught it, what do I say then? I'm scared, upset, anxious, and unable to forgive myself. 

Any help or experiences to share would be greatly appreciated. 

I'm sorry for being so selfish. 


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If you have oral HSV1, the only possible concern is that you performed oral on her. My two cents....is to let her know that you have gotten cold sores in the past and going forward, you should use protection if you choose to do oral sex again even if you have no outbreak....for her protection. 

How is she doing now? Any signs of issues for her?


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