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I think I Gave Someone Herpes! Help!!

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I had sex for the first time with a partner about ten days ago. Twice. Both times protected. No outbreak symptoms on my end. It was 8 days before my period. I do take meds but hadn’t before sex with him, as I needed to re up on my prescription. Just a few days ago he told me he’s come down with a nasty sinus infection that was killing him. It got worse over the weekend and went to a doctor two days ago, who told him he had a virus, gave him meds and told him to take those and let it run it’s course. He’s still very fluish. I can’t help but pay attention to the timeline of things and think that I’ve given him herpes. I feel HORRIBLE! How likely is it that Ive passed this to him so soon?! Any suggestions or advice? 

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It's possible he got herpes from you, but the flu-like symptoms do also tend to come with a herpes outbreak for a majority of folks, so it may just be that he's sick in the regular way. The only way to know for sure is if he does end up getting something that resembles an outbreak to go get it swabbed. After 3 months, he can go get a herpes blood test to get a result via looking at herpes antibodies. 

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Thanks so much. I really feel terrible knowing how sick he is and how safe I thought I was being. It’s made me lose sleep and everything. He’s a very healthy guy and said he hadn’t been sick in over a year. He also hasn’t mentioned any kind of outbreak or sore on his genitals. Maybe he’s just legitimately sick. Based on the timing though, and the fact that we used non latex condoms (he’s allergic to latex), I really believe I have him herpes. I don’t even know what to say to him. 

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Herpes is a virus, just like the flu virus, so yes, all regular flu symptoms do tend to come with a first herpes infection.

Did you disclose to him before having sex that you have herpes? 

If you are interested in coaching around this to learn how to talk with him about it, send me a private message and we can set that up. You can repair this, but you need the proper tools and mindset. 

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