When to have the talk

[Annie0905]

Hello!

A year ago I was diagnosed with HSV but I don’t know the type.

I haven’t talked about it to anyone since my positive result.

I just  Had 2 outbreaks, the first one when I found out that I have HSV and My last outbreak was 01/04/2018 and I started to take acyclovir every day. Since that I didn’t have any blisters or symptoms.

I’m struggling about new relationships if I should open my situation since the first date or not. Usually I just run away from relationships to not open my secret.

It’s hard to deal with it by myself.

[mr_hopp]

Hey there @Annie0905 and welcome!

This is a popular question! When to have the herpes talk?

My short answer here is this: When you feel that you can trust this person with your vulnerability. Period. Because the herpes talk is vulnerable. It's sharing a raw side of you, especially if you're still in the throes of shame. 

This is a great barometer because it also guarantees that you only have sex with people you truly trust, which is definitely a great foundation to work from. The herpes talk is emotionally vulnerable. Having sex is both emotionally and physically vulnerable. The analogy here is like a flower blossoming. We want to over time open to our partner, and the herpes talk can be the opportunity to maybe for the first time truly open emotionally with your partner.

So in that way, I've never been a strong proponent of disclosing on the first date. It's not holding something back, it's just working toward trusting this person with your vulnerability. Just like he might not share some skeleton in his closet on the first date, we aren't expected to, either. The only time we need to disclose is if we are actually considering sleeping with this person. Until that's a possibility, then herpes doesn't absolutely need to be the first conversation we have before we've even gotten to really know each other as people. 

Here's a video I recorded around the time I first started H Opp:

 

Here's another video to watch to flip your fear of the herpes talk:

 

And here's a podcast interview about "Making Disclosure Sexy" 

http://lauraaiisha.com/2016/16-making-std-disclosure-sexy-with-adrial-from-the-h-herpes-opportunity/

That should be a good kickstart for you!