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Herpes in the Black Community


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@Whymewhynow I know there’s a lot of talk about disclosing to other people and at the moment the only people I’ve told are my best friend and the last person I had sex with. In regards to disclosing to other people I just don’t feel ready or think I need to. One of the frustrating things about this stigma and the way a lot of the media, etc. focus on is aquiring this acceptance from others and that just doesn’t sit right with me because even if other people accept it and if someone wants to date me, if I’m not ok with it then I will still be struggling. So for now, this group and my best friend are the only people I have a desire to discuss with because it’s very new to me so I’m processing my own emotions, I don’t need to take on the responsibility of other people’s opinions. 

In regards to your oral outbreak, are you taking any antiviral medication? I’ve been taking a daily lysine tablet and today is the first day in this month that my body finally feels healed (I also took acyclovir for 7 days after my diagnosis). I don’t have oral outbreaks, but I’ve read topical lysine can also work for oral outbreaks. 

Hearing from you all is such a comfort. I really want to help break the stigma especially as it relates to bw. Thank you all for continuing to share your stories. 

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@PhoenixRising_009 I agree with you on other people's opinions and judgements. I'm really not here for that either. You are also right on the money about having to be okay with yourself and your journey because otherwise nothing else matters. 

I take 500mg of valacyclovir daily but I'm wondering if maybe I need to up the dosage or change it to acyclovir. I also take lysine, which to be honest I really don't know if it does or doesn't help. The outbreak itself is pretty mild since it's not directly on my lips and since I am darker complexion it doesn't really stand out (to anyone but me). It makes me very anxious though because I feel like I am checking my face in the mirror every 5 minutes to make sure that something new hasn't popped up.

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@Whymewhynow I know the feeling! I’m starting to think I may have an outbreak by my nose? I don’t know, I’m just trying to not be afraid of my body right now lol. But since I’ve only been diagnosed for a month I’ve only taken the prescribed acyclovir once  I want to really try natural remedies, but I suppose I will have to wait and see if I experience another outbreak and how often they occur  

Whenever I get panicky I just try to remind myself of the facts that this is an extremely common condition that is relatively benign. There are so many individuals living with incurable conditions:

diabetes, chron’s, arthritis, etc. I think the only difference is herpes is taboo to talk about, which is really only because we don’t know what it is. I really, really want this to change. 

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12 hours ago, Lstgryl said:

I’m a 3O year old black female recently diagnosed. I’ve only been with one man in the past six years. Thankfully, he tested negative. He no longer wants to continue a sexual relationship, but he says he wants to be there for me. We’ve been friends for 15 years. I guess this is the first rejection. If a person who knows me better than anyone doesn’t it accept it, how can I expect a person who doesn’t know me at all to accept it. The African American community isn’t accepting. I don’t have the will to do anything. I can barely make it to work. I have crazy headaches at the end of the day from pretending to be ok throughout the day. I immediately come home and go to bed. I dread talking to my friends bc they are only going to ask about my dating life and I don’t know what to say. I honestly and truly wish I were dead. 

Things will get better as time passes focus on not stressing too much…  I know its easier said then done.  I felt the same way a few months ago,  but I'm learning to accept that this is now part of me I don't feel any different,  I don't look any different,  and I'm the same person prior to this diagnosis don't give it the power to take over you just take it day-by-day. Sending you positive vibes💕

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Hi Everyone! Just coming by to drop some positive vibes. I know it can be difficult, but I hope you all read this and remember how beautiful and valuable you are ❤️

we come from a history of strong women who have not allowed life to run them. So don’t let this run you, you have the power to control it. 

All the love and support and good vibes xxx

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8 hours ago, Whymewhynow said:

Thank you so much for sharing this! This is really helpful and I will definitely keep these points in mind for when that time comes. Did you ever hear back from your booty buddy?

Oh goodness no lol. I was actually pretty done with him before this, but it had been a minute and I needed some release. 

I'm dating an H- person now, take daily suppression in the morning and that's the last I think about it. I think about my period more thank I think about an outbreak. That being said, I've had time to process and out myself as much or as little as I want. It wasn't my voice to be exposed, but it is my chose to expose others to break the stigma with knowledge. 

Once upon a time, society was convinced black people were incapable of obtaining higher education due to ignorance, cultural differences and lack of exposure. Yet, we didn't hid in the corner, we didn't slink away from the light. We fought ignorance and misconceptions.

Herpes crosses all cultural lines and needs the same strength to fight ignorance and misconceptions. We can't do that from the shadows. When you're ready to come out of the shadows, fellow fighters will be with you  💞💞😊.

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How do you guys deal with the inquiries about your dating life? I can’t bring myself to tell my friends why my years-long “situationship” is now over. I feel like a fraud bc I’m essentially not being honest. I understand this is my personal business, but I fear that they will somehow figure out that something is wrong with me. 

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15 hours ago, PhillyChick said:

how did i miss this thread?? i've been active on this forum for well over a year, basically SCREAMING that i'm an over 40 black woman, and where are the other black folks at LOL

anyway, sending love and positive vibes from philly!

Unfortunately we are here🙋🏾 Appreciate the love and positive vibes!!!

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12 hours ago, PhoenixRising_009 said:

Has anyone taken Valtrex and experienced itching as a side effect? I feel like my whole body itches now that I’ve began taking it to stop a possible outbreak. 

No, I have not. I just started taking it daily about 3 weeks ago and I haven't experienced that side effect. I'm still trying to see if this dosage is even helping. 

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13 hours ago, Lstgryl said:

How do you guys deal with the inquiries about your dating life? I can’t bring myself to tell my friends why my years-long “situationship” is now over. I feel like a fraud bc I’m essentially not being honest. I understand this is my personal business, but I fear that they will somehow figure out that something is wrong with me. 

Thankfully, I don't get the questions. I've been single going on 3 years so I stopped getting the question a while ago. If I happen to get it now, I respond that I am working on myself, which in essence is the truth. I'm not ready to meet anyone just yet. 

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13 hours ago, Lstgryl said:

How do you guys deal with the inquiries about your dating life? I can’t bring myself to tell my friends why my years-long “situationship” is now over. I feel like a fraud bc I’m essentially not being honest. I understand this is my personal business, but I fear that they will somehow figure out that something is wrong with me. 

i know i'm late to the game here, but why aren't you dating? 

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20 minutes ago, PhillyChick said:

i know i'm late to the game here, but why aren't you dating? 

I just don’t feel comfortable. I’m scared that I won’t be accepted or that a potential partner will spread my business. I’ve only been with one person in the past 6 years doesn’t accept it. Once I was diagnosed, he no longer wanted to have sex. This person knows me better than almost anyone and he rejected me. It’s hard to believe a stranger won’t. 

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15 minutes ago, Lstgryl said:

I just don’t feel comfortable. I’m scared that I won’t be accepted or that a potential partner will spread my business. I’ve only been with one person in the past 6 years doesn’t accept it. Once I was diagnosed, he no longer wanted to have sex. This person knows me better than almost anyone and he rejected me. It’s hard to believe a stranger won’t. 

i feel you. however i would caution you against assuming all men will react the same way. when i was first diagnosed, i was in a relationship and when i disclosed, i never heard from him again. that made me realize that he wasnt the right person anyway. he had always said that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, but then wasnt even mature enough to have a grown up conversation to break up with me? gtfoh

i realized right then that having H was an opportunity for me to be much more discerning about who i want to be in a relationship with. plus, i refuse to let this define me. i am just as fabulous with H as I was without it, and YOU ARE TOO! 

i truly believe that your attitude dictates your circumstances. once i changed my perspective, then my circumstances followed. every single one of my disclosures has been successful. 

i know it's scary, but dont let something this minor (in the scheme of things) stop you from living your life. we all have way too much to be thankful for to not live in joy! 🤗

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16 hours ago, PhoenixRising_009 said:

Has anyone taken Valtrex and experienced itching as a side effect? I feel like my whole body itches now that I’ve began taking it to stop a possible outbreak. 

Sorry 😞 I've been taking valacyclovir about six months and haven't had any issues. I do remember in the beginning I still felt the tingles of an outbreak starting, but it stopped a few weeks in after consistent daily use.  Did you just start taking?

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17 hours ago, Lstgryl said:

How do you guys deal with the inquiries about your dating life? I can’t bring myself to tell my friends why my years-long “situationship” is now over. I feel like a fraud bc I’m essentially not being honest. I understand this is my personal business, but I fear that they will somehow figure out that something is wrong with me. 

I have a link in this thread about my disclosure story, maybe something there will help you not feel like a fraud (which you're not btw, just working through some things your own way 🙂 ) 

I'm pretty open and honest about things - I came out to most friends and family almost immediately after finding out myself.  My dating life was pretty sporadic after a break up earlier in 2018 - I always take time after a breakup to decompress and recollect before I start dating again.  Then I decided to go to graduate school and that took up most of up my time until Oct when I decided to start dating again.  Since then I've disclosed to and still dating one guy I met. 

I found comfort in the solidarity of my support circle.  One thing I wonder for you is how strong is your support circle f you don't feel comfortable telling your girlfriends?   ask because this is just another part of journey that we walk, but we have to be okay with ourselves first to feel good talking with others. 

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17 minutes ago, SeraLyn said:

Sorry 😞 I've been taking valacyclovir about six months and haven't had any issues. I do remember in the beginning I still felt the tingles of an outbreak starting, but it stopped a few weeks in after consistent daily use.  Did you just start taking?

@SeraLyn have you had any OB's in the 6 months that you've been on the Val? I just started about 3 weeks ago and I still feel almost daily tingling.

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