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Herpes in the Black Community

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5 minutes ago, SeraLyn said:

I have a link in this thread about my disclosure story, maybe something there will help you not feel like a fraud (which you're not btw, just working through some things your own way 🙂 ) 

I'm pretty open and honest about things - I came out to most friends and family almost immediately after finding out myself.  My dating life was pretty sporadic after a break up earlier in 2018 - I always take time after a breakup to decompress and recollect before I start dating again.  Then I decided to go to graduate school and that took up most of up my time until Oct when I decided to start dating again.  Since then I've disclosed to and still dating one guy I met. 

I found comfort in the solidarity of my support circle.  One thing I wonder for you is how strong is your support circle f you don't feel comfortable telling your girlfriends?   ask because this is just another part of journey that we walk, but we have to be okay with ourselves first to feel good talking with others. 

How has your post dx sex life been if you don't mind me asking?

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4 minutes ago, Whymewhynow said:

Ladies-

Any thoughts or experiences with waxing since dx? I'm not a fan of shaving or using bait in that area so I was a waxer. Since my official dx I'm terrified to try it but I REALLY need to🤦🏾‍♀️

I never had an outbreak until I began waxing. Don’t know if it’s coincidental or not. I waxed for the first time in May and had the first “major” outbreak in June. 

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10 minutes ago, SeraLyn said:

I have a link in this thread about my disclosure story, maybe something there will help you not feel like a fraud (which you're not btw, just working through some things your own way 🙂 ) 

I'm pretty open and honest about things - I came out to most friends and family almost immediately after finding out myself.  My dating life was pretty sporadic after a break up earlier in 2018 - I always take time after a breakup to decompress and recollect before I start dating again.  Then I decided to go to graduate school and that took up most of up my time until Oct when I decided to start dating again.  Since then I've disclosed to and still dating one guy I met. 

I found comfort in the solidarity of my support circle.  One thing I wonder for you is how strong is your support circle f you don't feel comfortable telling your girlfriends?   ask because this is just another part of journey that we walk, but we have to be okay with ourselves first to feel good talking with others. 

Right now, I can’t even discuss it without tears. I don’t want to be viewed differently or having the circle feel sorry for me. 

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47 minutes ago, Whymewhynow said:

@SeraLyn have you had any OB's in the 6 months that you've been on the Val? I just started about 3 weeks ago and I still feel almost daily tingling.

Nope, not since after the first few weeks. 

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47 minutes ago, Whymewhynow said:

Ladies-

Any thoughts or experiences with waxing since dx? I'm not a fan of shaving or using bait in that area so I was a waxer. Since my official dx I'm terrified to try it but I REALLY need to🤦🏾‍♀️

so funny enough, my waxer also has GHSV. She said waxing itself doesn't normally cause an outbreak, however, if you're body thinks it needs to fight a trauma, or you get really stressed from waxing, that could trigger an OB.  I think it also depends if you use soft or hard wax too.

I haven't had my bikini waxed yet, only because i had soft wax done in the past and i reacted to the wax and had fire legs/butt/crotch after the third time and haven't done yet.  Once I work up the nerve to bare the hard wax (easier on the skin) and grow hair out, I plan to get waxed again. 

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49 minutes ago, Whymewhynow said:

How has your post dx sex life been if you don't mind me asking?

Don't mind at all 🙂 I'm pretty open to answer anything I can.

My sex life is kinda dull and needs a brush up to be honest, lol.  BUT, it was dulling before my dx after my last relationship ended, non-herps related.   I totally forgot he had HSV1 until I was diagnosed in July with HSV2.

I had a regular booty buddy that was okay for awhile, but it was only sex and I'm pretty sure I'm past the stage of sex for sex sake (even though I could ride a good D right now for daaaays).  When I found out i was Team GHSV2, I was already on the outs with him so when I disclosed the last time he visited, we banged one out, and we haven't talked since. 

The guy I'm dating now is nice enough, but sex is boring. He's fully aware of my status. We have different energies (i.e. he's not keeping up with what I want). 

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51 minutes ago, Lstgryl said:

Right now, I can’t even discuss it without tears. I don’t want to be viewed differently or having the circle feel sorry for me. 

Are you pretty newly diagnosed?  You may want to find a STI counselor if you're feeling this down to talk to and identify some coping methods that will help you.  I can only speak for what helped me, but that may not be for you. You can't control how people feel or how they view you...other people's views do not indicate your value. Come to think of it, you can look at almost any weight loss meme of encouragement and apply the same principles to herpes. 

Statistically speaking, I bet at least one of your friends has herpes..only difference is you know about it and they don't (maybe). When I told me girlfriend, she told me about her daughter's bestie.  I told another friend, his ex had. I told my mom and sister and they both knew someone who had it.  It's not that uncommon as we think.   

Herpes in the black community is big, something like 40-60% woman and 20-30% men carry the virus (don't quote me on the exact #s). And you know how closed mouth our community is, we don't help each other by staying locked down about something that damn near half of us have. We gotta do better for each other.

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3 minutes ago, SeraLyn said:

Are you pretty newly diagnosed?  You may want to find a STI counselor if you're feeling this down to talk to and identify some coping methods that will help you.  I can only speak for what helped me, but that may not be for you. You can't control how people feel or how they view you...other people's views do not indicate your value. Come to think of it, you can look at almost any weight loss meme of encouragement and apply the same principles to herpes. 

Statistically speaking, I bet at least one of your friends has herpes..only difference is you know about it and they don't (maybe). When I told me girlfriend, she told me about her daughter's bestie.  I told another friend, his ex had. I told my mom and sister and they both knew someone who had it.  It's not that uncommon as we think.   

Herpes in the black community is big, something like 40-60% woman and 20-30% men carry the virus (don't quote me on the exact #s). And you know how closed mouth our community is, we don't help each other by staying locked down about something that damn near half of us have. We gotta do better for each other.

Yes. Diagnosed less than a month ago. I totally understand that statistics. Like many others, it’s the fear and stigma that has me anxious and scared. As crazy as it sounds, I feel like I lost my future. I know that isn’t necessarily true, but this weighing heavily on me. 

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8 minutes ago, Lstgryl said:

Yes. Diagnosed less than a month ago. I totally understand that statistics. Like many others, it’s the fear and stigma that has me anxious and scared. As crazy as it sounds, I feel like I lost my future. I know that isn’t necessarily true, but this weighing heavily on me. 

It doesn't sound crazy, I think most people when first find out have the exact same feelings - it's kinda the whole process of acceptance.  I'm sharing how I'm doing now, but it did take time to get there.  I felt lost, angry, sad, pissed off, frustrated, confused, all of it when I first found out too.  

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Does anyone live in Atlanta? I would love to meet other people who can help be through the stage of acceptance.

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17 hours ago, Lstgryl said:

I never had an outbreak until I began waxing. Don’t know if it’s coincidental or not. I waxed for the first time in May and had the first “major” outbreak in June. 

Have you waxed again since May?

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2 hours ago, StacyG said:

Does anyone live in Atlanta? I would love to meet other people who can help be through the stage of acceptance.

Unfortunately not. That would be great. I live in Houston, if any of you are down here.

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17 hours ago, SeraLyn said:

so funny enough, my waxer also has GHSV. She said waxing itself doesn't normally cause an outbreak, however, if you're body thinks it needs to fight a trauma, or you get really stressed from waxing, that could trigger an OB.  I think it also depends if you use soft or hard wax too.

I haven't had my bikini waxed yet, only because i had soft wax done in the past and i reacted to the wax and had fire legs/butt/crotch after the third time and haven't done yet.  Once I work up the nerve to bare the hard wax (easier on the skin) and grow hair out, I plan to get waxed again. 

What's the difference between soft or hard wax? I use to go to European Wax Center.

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22 hours ago, Whymewhynow said:

No, I have not. I just started taking it daily about 3 weeks ago and I haven't experienced that side effect. I'm still trying to see if this dosage is even helping. 

I just started taking it a few days ago, but the itching has stopped now so idk if it was just symptoms I was having or my body getting use to meds, but either way it is gone now and my body finally feels like itself again!

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16 hours ago, Lstgryl said:

Yes. Diagnosed less than a month ago. I totally understand that statistics. Like many others, it’s the fear and stigma that has me anxious and scared. As crazy as it sounds, I feel like I lost my future. I know that isn’t necessarily true, but this weighing heavily on me. 

You are not alone. I am taking all of this one step at a time. First I'm just trying to get these physical symptoms under control and then I'll move on working on trying to say the words out loud to someone. I believe that without realizing it I allowed myself to fall into a depression and let myself go but I am trying to put myself back together piece by piece.

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2 hours ago, StacyG said:

Does anyone live in Atlanta? I would love to meet other people who can help be through the stage of acceptance.

I'm in New Orleans for a few weeks, but I live all the way in Ohio. This woman Belize Spivey lives in ATL and offers support sessions. 

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3 minutes ago, Whymewhynow said:

What's the difference between soft or hard wax? I use to go to European Wax Center.

I go to EWC too!  They use hard wax - the stuff that is applied and stripped off directly.  Soft wax requires the linen strips for removal. From what she told me, the soft wax is more likely to remove layers of skin than hard wax. There's also sugar wax...haven't tried it.

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2 hours ago, StacyG said:

Does anyone live in Atlanta? I would love to meet other people who can help be through the stage of acceptance.

I live in Phoenix for now.  I'm looking to move to Atlanta in 2020 though 

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@SeraLyn your responses are always so amazing to me! I didn't want to reply to every single one, but it is so helpful reading how you've dealt with this diagnosis and how it has not run your life. I'm fairly new--almost two months of being diagnosed--but it's nice to see affirmation that this does not have to be the worst thing to happen to me if I don't allow it. 

Everyone chiming in on this forum is so encouraging. The more I read about this virus the less shame or fear I feel because you'd be hard pressed to find someone who doesn't have any strand of this virus. I was just in a bookstore the other day and heard this woman talking on the phone about her shingles (herpesvirus) and how her daughter basically has genital herpes, then I found out mono is a strand of the virus. Basically, if you come into human contact with anyone you will be exposed to some strand of the virus. This stigma sucks a lot but I continue to remind myself that it's not going to kill me and although people don't talk about the strand we have as openly as the other strands I will be all right. 

I feel like I go on loooong tangents every time I check in lol, but I'm so overloaded with information now I can't help but 1. be grateful I was not diagnosed with something life-threatening and 2. accept the fact that regardless if I come into contact with someone who believes they're hsv negative (and maybe even be) not dealing with me does not stop them from being exposed to the virus. 

Ok, enough of the long messages lol. Thank you ladies soooo much for being on here and sharing your words. 

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I second that, everyone here has been really helpful and I hope that I will reach that level soon. I am stuck in a dark place. I think 5% of me believes I have it, 95% doesn’t want to believe it. 

But you ladies have been amazing and I’m going to do my best to stay positive 

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29 minutes ago, PhoenixRising_009 said:

I just started taking it a few days ago, but the itching has stopped now so idk if it was just symptoms I was having or my body getting use to meds, but either way it is gone now and my body finally feels like itself again!

I'm so glad to hear that for you. Are you taking 500mg or 1g?

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@PhoenixRising_009 aww thank you so much 💞💞  that made me smile.  I'm just glad that anything I can offer is helpful for anyone going through the motions of acceptance.  It really is a process we have to kinda forge on our own. It's good to see so many women here supporting each other and help each other through the tough time.  

I was as surprised as you to find out that there are 5 strains of herpes and only ONE of them has a stigma!  When I've disclosed, I even bring up the fact that if you had chicken pox as a kid or know an adult with shingles, they got the herps. Amazing what a few little facts can do to change one's perception.

Anywho - as I go on ranting 😊, ya'll stay up and loved! 

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29 minutes ago, SeraLyn said:

I go to EWC too!  They use hard wax - the stuff that is applied and stripped off directly.  Soft wax requires the linen strips for removal. From what she told me, the soft wax is more likely to remove layers of skin than hard wax. There's also sugar wax...haven't tried it.

Thanks for the clarification. I use to sugar a while back but they do small strips too which I feel is just torture, but if that helps minimize the chance of an OB, I'm here for it.

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5 minutes ago, Whymewhynow said:

I'm so glad to hear that for you. Are you taking 500mg or 1g?

Thank you! I've been taking 1g 2x a day because I felt like another OB was coming on. That's the next phase I guess I'm in, trying to decipher what's a sign of an OB and just an itch or something

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