Herpes in the Black Community

[Whymewhynow]

 

Hey H fam 😁

Wanted to share some good news with y'all that happened tonight  Hopefully for anyone feeling down or questioning about if (and really it's when) dating is possible, the answer is an emphatic yes!

Most you know I dated a H- guy for awhile & ended it recently. After that, I kinda restarted taking to a guy from last year whoo I ended things with tight after I was diagnosed. I didn't tell him why I really ghosted & used school as an easy excuse. Well, since we reconnected, hanging out again, things have been pretty good and he invited to a overnight trip outta town to get my mind off school for a bit. 

I figured this was good time to come clean about why I ghosted, my HSV+ status & put everything on the table tonight. To my surprise he was cool with it, actually has personal experience with his first college girlfriend. This is my third positive disclosure to a dating potential & have to say, it definitely get easier the more you do. 

I'm soooooooo looking forward to this weekend now that I can't break the physical barrier hehehehehe 💞💞💞

I really love to hear this! I'm still single and haven't put myself out there just yet. It's still good to know that when I'm ready that there are possibilities!

[Whymewhynow]

Hi @KarlaK! Please know that you are not alone. Are you still seeing this person? I'd just advise you to be careful if you are. It's always concerning when someone seems unconcerned about their own health. Anyways, back to you. I totally understand what you mean about the GP. I had to change mine because that was the exact attitude she reflected which I was not okay with. I recently went to see a Naturpathy Physician. She ran quite a few tests and we are waiting for results now. I'll let y'all know how to goes. I have a follow up mid April. I did a good sensitivity test, a malnutrition test and one more that escapes me at the moment. It's suppose to help drill down to whether or not there is anything else my system is fighting and what nutrients I may be lacking which ultimately weakens my immune system even more. I have hsv 1 and 2. 2 hasn't been nearly as problemsome for me as 1. I still feel like I am fighting cold sores all of the time. 

You need to find someone to test your canker sores as hsv can present itself that way as well, no matter what your Dr says. A lot of them severely lack knowledge surrounding this subject. 

As far as your baby, just be careful but don't stop loving on your baby. I have a 7 year old who LOVES to be under me and I was and still am terrified of doing the same thing. She is one of the main reasons that I take antivirals.  I will admit that I don't kiss her on the lips anymore but I will never stop kissing on her. So far so good! Know that ultimately everything will be alright. Just take things one day at a time and remember that we are here if you ever need to chat!

 

 

 

[tmack]

I want to hear success stories of not transmitting. I want to have a baby, so I plan on going condomless. Thoughts?

[EMBH01]

Hello Everyone:

I’m so glad that I came upon this forum. Recently diagnosed in December 2018 and I have to admit....I’ve been in a funk ever since (although I’m slowly but surely getting back to my normal self) — so much that I’ve started to see a therapist. I’ve constantly blamed myself, felt dirty as if I’m “damaged goods” and pretty much just isolated myself. I appreciate you all sharing your experiences and positive energy as it lets me know that I’m not alone. 

[Whymewhynow]

@EMBH01 I wish I didn't have to welcome you to this thread. Many if not all of us have felt the exact same way as you and many still do. I know it sounds cliche, but you have to think positively. You already seem to be headed in the right direction, by going to therapy. I actually would like to do the same. Know that you are not alone and you have any entire group here support. Sending blessings and good vibes your way!

[SeraLyn]

On 3/24/2019 at 2:10 PM, tmack said:

I want to hear success stories of not transmitting. I want to have a baby, so I plan on going condomless. Thoughts?

I've had an H- partner, didn't use condoms but took antivirals and did not transmit.  I'm currently with a new HSV- person and not planning on using condoms.  We talked about me going back on suppressive therapy, but so far opted not to as I haven't had any OBs since my first month (almost a year ago). 

talk with your doctor. talk with your partner. do what feels right. the founder of this site had a baby last year or so and didn't transmit to his partner.  I imagine your OB would be pretty abreast of any changes in your blood work to know whether you have an impeding outbreak pre-labor.  They'd put you on meds before you delivered to prevent transmission during labor.

[tmack]

7 hours ago, SeraLyn said:

I've had an H- partner, didn't use condoms but took antivirals and did not transmit.  I'm currently with a new HSV- person and not planning on using condoms.  We talked about me going back on suppressive therapy, but so far opted not to as I haven't had any OBs since my first month (almost a year ago). 

talk with your doctor. talk with your partner. do what feels right. the founder of this site had a baby last year or so and didn't transmit to his partner.  I imagine your OB would be pretty abreast of any changes in your blood work to know whether you have an impeding outbreak pre-labor.  They'd put you on meds before you delivered to prevent transmission during labor.

Thank you. I have recently started on suppressive therapy of 800 g/gm of apo-aciclovir (or something like that) per day. Google can be your worst enemy sometimes and makes you think that you are contagious all the time. It is just the asymptomatic shedding that has me worried because I am aware of my triggers and outbreaks. I will see how it goes. 

[2beloved]

I'm a 34 year old Black woman who was recently diagnosed and I'm so upset and ashamed.  I had sex with 2 guys within a 2 month time period and I dont know who it came from or even how to ask. Not only that, I had sex at the beginning of my first outbreak not knowing what it was. I feel horrible knowing that I may have passed it on. I'm upset, ashamed, and embarrassed.  I feel like I'll never be accepted or find love. 

[PhoenixRising_009]

@2beloved I hope you are doing better. I really wish the conversation/culture around sex and infections would shift because there's no need to feel shameful for partaking in an act that billions of people participate in. Contracting this super common virus is a risk every time someone engages in sexual activity. The frustrating thing is not being able to tell who it came from and I definitely feel you on not wanting to pass it. 

If someone wants to allow stigma & ignorance get in the way of getting to know you, that's their loss. Trust me, you will meet people who will still want to get to know and love you. 

I'm almost 5 months in and though it is a tough thing to experience (mostly due to stigma, and there is physical discomfort--wish people wouldn't play that down so much) but from my experience it does get easier. 

Wishing you love & light 

[Lstgryl]

I need help! I don’t know if I’m having an outbreak. Around Apr 1st, I started to feel a lot of tingling in my vagina. So I called my dr and requested a refill of valtrex and she called in a 7 day supply. I took about the medicine for about 5 days and no further symptoms arrived. I got a Brazilian was on Saturday. It was my first since December. I was diagnosed in January. So after the wax, I felt some irritation. I had sex that night. (He knows of my status).  It’s monday and I have two big large bumps and a small area of irritation. I don’t know if it’s an outbreak or inflammation from the wax. I feel horrible. I could’ve spread this to another person 😩. Each of my outbreaks has been different so I don’t know what’s going on. Pleas advise. 

[_a_rayofsunshine_]

3 hours ago, Lstgryl said:

I need help! I don’t know if I’m having an outbreak. Around Apr 1st, I started to feel a lot of tingling in my vagina. So I called my dr and requested a refill of valtrex and she called in a 7 day supply. I took about the medicine for about 5 days and no further symptoms arrived. I got a Brazilian was on Saturday. It was my first since December. I was diagnosed in January. So after the wax, I felt some irritation. I had sex that night. (He knows of my status).  It’s monday and I have two big large bumps and a small area of irritation. I don’t know if it’s an outbreak or inflammation from the wax. I feel horrible. I could’ve spread this to another person 😩. Each of my outbreaks has been different so I don’t know what’s going on. Pleas advise. 

Every time i have a Brazilian, it triggers an outbreak. Also, next time wait a few days after the wax to have sex. 

[Lstgryl]

Yeah, I never had an outbreak until I started waxing. I’ve been scared to wax after being diagnosed. I know I should leave the area alone, but I burst one of the bumps and it had a little bus and blood in it. Sorry if I’m too graphic. 

[lali]

On 4/16/2019 at 3:02 AM, Lstgryl said:

Yeah, I never had an outbreak until I started waxing. I’ve been scared to wax after being diagnosed. I know I should leave the area alone, but I burst one of the bumps and it had a little bus and blood in it. Sorry if I’m too graphic. 

Only way to find out would be by swab. Don't worry too much about it though. Maybe get him to get tested in a couple of weeks? And again in 2 months to make sure he had time to build enough antibodies to be detectable. Thats IF he even caught anything. Anyways i know you would feel awful but he took the chance and knew what he was getting himself into. 

[lali]

I'm glad i found this group. I only saw one or two stories of people not transmitting to their h - partner. I'm hsv 1 and 2 + and I struggle to keep my ob under control. I've had these two viruses for about 2 years and a half now. And if i stop to take valacyclovir i get an ob almost immediately. I still feel like I'm having constant prodome too so i started taking lysine everyday. I'm looking into what other supplements i could take. I know my main trigger is stress, anxiety and lack of sleep. I didn't mind that much before but now that I'm looking to getting sexual active again it stressed me the f* out. I just wanna know if other people had positive outcome in not transmitting to your male partner and what precautions you took and how long have you been sexual active with them. I'm looking for my ever lasting love but would feel completely awful if i transmitted it to someone i care for. So @Lstgryl i understand your concern. I don't think i have it orally so i have given head with no condoms in hope that its okay. I'm a little scared about this because i did give oral to my ex while he had an ob. We didn't know he had hsv. 

[PhoenixRising_009]

Just wanted to drop in and say hello. Sending positive vibes today!

[SeraLyn]

7 hours ago, PhoenixRising_009 said:

Just wanted to drop in and say hello. Sending positive vibes today!

WHAT UP!! 🤗😁😁 i was thinking about everyone today too.  It's been awhile.

Sending all the love, positive energy and well wishes to you call 💞💝

[PhoenixRising_009]

Sooo... I recently updated my profile on a dating app to include my status. I was wondering if anyone has thoughts about disclosing broadly--do you prefer to just disclose to potential partners or want people to know before moving forward? 

Right now I'm more of the mindset I'd rather you just know so I don't have to have this awkward conversation (I've had it twice and I just hate it lol, not that I would never not disclose...I just feel like if I match with someone then they know that detail and we can move on from it). 

Still a bit nervous as it seems like I'm the only person, amongst those I know, who even want to disclose and who wants to move forward with meeting people. 

Love to hear ya'll thoughts!

[Lstgryl]

I’m not taking medication daily..only during an outbreak. My dr requires me to call every time I need a refill. Is this common? I requested that she allow a few refills, but she won’t. 

[SeraLyn]

On 5/8/2019 at 5:07 PM, Lstgryl said:

I’m not taking medication daily..only during an outbreak. My dr requires me to call every time I need a refill. Is this common? I requested that she allow a few refills, but she won’t. 

It doesn't sound surprising to call for a refill if you're only taking them episodically.  Seems like it would depend on your dr and their preference to touch base.  They'd want to make sure that the amt prescribed is correct since there are varying ways you can treat an OB.  When I was first diagnosed, my NP only gave me enough for the first treatment.  When I had a second outbreak, she wanted me to come so we could talk - it was really more of a counseling session and discuss the best course of actions. 

[SeraLyn]

On 5/6/2019 at 12:07 PM, PhoenixRising_009 said:

Sooo... I recently updated my profile on a dating app to include my status. I was wondering if anyone has thoughts about disclosing broadly--do you prefer to just disclose to potential partners or want people to know before moving forward? 

Right now I'm more of the mindset I'd rather you just know so I don't have to have this awkward conversation (I've had it twice and I just hate it lol, not that I would never not disclose...I just feel like if I match with someone then they know that detail and we can move on from it). 

Still a bit nervous as it seems like I'm the only person, amongst those I know, who even want to disclose and who wants to move forward with meeting people. 

Love to hear ya'll thoughts!

I say, MORE POWER TO YA!  I considered doing so myself when I was used online dating. I think you've read my stories on disclosing & know I'm an advocate of getting it out there early.  However, I know it's different for everyone when they feel comfortable disclosing.  I feel like the more I talk about being H+, the less I 1) care about it or care what others think about it.  

[MangoKitty]

Thank you @Sunny720 for starting this very important conversation and to the rest of y’all for keeping it going and sharing your stories! I’ve had hsv2 for about 2 years; although it’s become easier to deal with physically, mentally I break down sometimes. I just keep telling myself that’s there’s so much more to life than sulking over this. For those that are scared to disclose, please don’t be. Easier said than done, but you may be pleasantly surprised at the reaction. I’ve disclosed a handful of times and 9 times out of 10, they’ve been positive. Education and a calm demeanor are the biggest factors that helps it go smoothly. As a lot of you mentioned, people in our community know virtually squat about H, so with us teaching, it’ll smooth a lot of worries over ❤️

[Ohsoscared]

On 1/21/2019 at 9:45 PM, SeraLyn said:

@Whymewhynow every disclosure I've had has been positive, or at least what was expected.  I told my friends, my mom & sister, and both guys I hooked up with, one of which I'm still dating.  I had a hard time at first with the diagnosis for about two weeks before I said fuck it, and moved on.  I just really didn't have time to focus on this as  being a primary derailer to my life.  I was starting graduate school, recently received a promotion at work - I was feeling good.  How as I gonna let this virus - unbeknownst to me - make me feel less than?  I decided it wasn't.  Now, I haven't gone around yelling from the streets I'm team GSHV-2, but the more people I tell, the less a big deal it really is.  The more you accept it as part of yourself, the less a controlling factor it becomes and just a part of you..a part..not your whole.  I have a post about my disclosure stories if u want more details.

Help me get to this point

 

[Ohsoscared]

On 1/30/2019 at 9:45 AM, StacyG said:

Does anyone live in Atlanta? I would love to meet other people who can help be through the stage of acceptance.

Augusta 

[Ohsoscared]

I was recently diagnosed but have no idea when I was exposed. My levels where 13.3 for VSH2 does  that mean I was recently exposed. I've never had any symptoms. 

[CestLaVie]

On 1/22/2019 at 7:30 PM, eastcoastgirl said:

Can I ask about childbirth with herpes? I was diagnosed a week ago with genital HSV-1 and the one thing I keep thinking about is how they say having a baby can cause herpes to get in the babies eyes or mouth. Is it true that you HAVE to have a C-section if you have genital herpes? Knowing I have this disease forever has been hard enough, let alone thinking about it affecting me having kids. Btw this forum is great isn’t it... really helps us not feel alone.

Hello. I had my second child after contracting HSV2. In my last trimester my OBGYN put me on suppressive therapy using Valtrex. I ended up having to have a c-section due to my baby being too big to come out vaginally, otherwise I would've had him vaginally. He was born perfectly healthy with no issues.