hsv-2 One of my best friends just got a herpes diagnosis

[HelpingFriend]

So, one of my closest friends recently got diagnosed with HSV-2. I guess I should give some back story...

 

Said friend- We’ll call him Randy- Has been very mentally unwell recently. He’s been exhibiting suicidal tendencies and being overall uncaring as to whether he lived or died... We have all been extremely worried for him and trying to help him in the best ways we can. He came forth recently and told us he was getting help, and we were all elated. I truly just want to see him happy and successful, he’s had so much hardship in his life. But unfortunately, one of his reckless behaviors was having unprotected sex. I am not technically supposed to know about this diagnosis. My boyfriend told me. He did this because he was worried for my well-being; I’m immunocompromised due to medication, and he was afraid of my being put in harms way. Please don’t bash my boyfriend for this as he would never have told me if he wasn’t genuinely worried- I’ve gotten sent to the hospital/ER for common colds before if my state when catching it was bad enough.

 

Since my boyfriend has told me, I’ve been researching like crazy on how to support Randy. I have never had anyone in my life with an STD (that I’ve been aware of) before. From what I’ve read, I should be okay- since herpes can’t live outside of the body for long at all and can’t be transmitted through just hugging or clothing contact or using the same bathroom- all of the general “myths”. I’ve also ready how to comfort him and what not to say. I just don’t want him to feel like I’m going to treat him any different than I am right now. And I’ve reassured my boyfriend as well, he’s also been researching continuously to debunk myths and know what to not say, etc. Though he has expressed that he’s still worried for my safety... I can’t completely blame him, he has had to watch me go through some terrible stuff that I’m sure from the other side must have been terrifying to see. I guess my two main questions are

 

1) What are some of the best ways I can support Randy? I’m going to wait for him to tell me, whenever he is ready, but when he does I want to be prepared in knowing the best way I can support him. What to say, if I should provide some specific comfort through research, if there is anything YOU would/have done for someone else or would/have loved if someone did the same on your behalf? Any advice helps.

And 2) I want my boyfriend to be assured that’s i will be okay... I have shown him research but he tends to worry about my wellbeing a little fiercer than most, and can be overprotective when it comes to my health. I just want him to be comfortable in knowing that we don’t have to change the way we interact with Randy in fear for my health, since the only way I could ever be affected is through genital/genital or genital/mouth contact. Again- any advice would be appreciated!

 

I’m sorry if my thoughts seem jumbled or if there are typos, it’s fairly late on my end but I needed to seek advice on this before I see Randy and my boyfriend to know how to approach things without making anyone uncomfortable, upset, distressed or anything like that. 

 

I appriciate you taking king the time to read all of this 🙂  Thank you!

[Ishmael]

The complexity of your situation is magnified by the fact that he has not disclosed to you, so you cannot address the topic directly. In light of that, all you can do is make yourself available to him as a friend and be extra supportive. Also, try to get him out and about, doing stuff and being active. In the event that he does disclose to you, there are some articles and information you can point him to, including this website right here. I will post them in another post below that will remain hidden until a moderator approves it. 

[Ishmael]

He might find these articles helpful in terms of contextualizes his situation:

https://hsvblog.org/herpes-simplex-virus-101/ http://www.annathemag.com/home/2016/7/7/herpes-you-probably-already-have-it-and-its-no-big-deal

https://www.vice.com/en_ca/article/8gka95/lets-not-make-such-a-big-deal-about-genital-herpes

https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/news/a48497/herpes-is-not-a-sexual-death-sentence/

This website, the one we're in, has a bunch of stuff you might find helpful here (they cost money):  https://herpeslife.com/opportunity2/index.html There's also these helpful handouts here (they are free): https://herpesopportunity.com/free-ebook-signup.html?sc=welcomepage Regarding disclosing, I like this guy's method, particularly if he is HSV 1: https://honeycomb.click/topic/49570-how-i-give-the-talk/?page=1 Randy might find this helpful and reassuring as well.  Also, thank you for being a good friend to this person.

[HelpingFriend]

11 hours ago, Ishmael said:

The complexity of your situation is magnified by the fact that he has not disclosed to you, so you cannot address the topic directly. In light of that, all you can do is make yourself available to him as a friend and be extra supportive. Also, try to get him out and about, doing stuff and being active. In the event that he does disclose to you, there are some articles and information you can point him to, including this website right here. I will post them in another post below that will remain hidden until a moderator approves it. 

Yes, I don’t plan to say or do anything until he comes to me and tells me first. We are very close, so I’m hoping he feels comfortable enough to do so, but I won’t push or pry if he decides he doesn’t want to. This is a very new diagnosis so I can only imagine the mental struggle he’s going through as far as learning how to accept the situation and move forward in a healthy way. I’m helping plan a surprise party for him right now, actually- I had begun planning with a few friends before he even contracted HSV-2, but I feel like in light of that, this is something he needs even more right now. Just to be reassured that he’s loved and to enjoy himself surrounded by said loved ones.

 

Thank you for the links! They’re heavily appreciated. I’m compiling a list of sources and materials right now regarding HSV as to familiarize myself with it the best I can.

 

And lastly- Thank you for your time and kind words. It’s a difficult time being on the outside and watching a loved one go through this, but when I think about how stressful this must be for him, it makes me reevaluate everything and just how much he needs me and our other friends to be there for him right now. So I will do everything in my power to make sure he doesn’t feel alone or outcasted with this new diagnosis. I just hope he realizes that no one is mad or disappointed in him, because that seems to be where his mind takes him due to the mental illnesses- and that’s the last thing ANYONE in our friend group wants him to feel like right now considering everything he’s gone through recently- the HSV news now the newest news.