Just Diagnosed...

[lakegirl]

I was just diagnosed a few days ago with HSV2..  My boyfriend of a year, just told me that he has had it for awhile.  He thought that he could not give it to anyone else if he wasn't having an outbreak... Obviously not true... so here we are.  I'm not sure what to do.  I live with this guy, I love him.  I had given him multiple chances in the past to tell me of any STD's.  His claim was that he thought I would leave him if he told me.  I'm upset and sad.  He never even gave me the chance to decide for myself.  Now I have it.  I feel dirty, and unclean.  There is a high possibility that I am going to stay with this guy... I really do love him.. However, what if I don't stay with him?  I can't imagine having to tell any prospective dates in the future that I have GH. I feel like I am going to be alone forever, and I am terrified. It has been a whirlwind of emotions that past few days.  I don't really know how to handle it. 

[newtothis22]

You must be in an awful situation, there’s a strong chance I have genital herpes and if the results come back positive I wouldn’t dream of not disclosing to a partner. Have a serious chat with him, find out exactly why he chose not to disclose and whether he is generally sorry or just sorry he got caught out.

 

Only stay with him because you want to and not because you have HSV-2. It will be a difficult adjustment but you are definitely not alone in this. You have a tough decision to make but only you can decide what is best to do. 

[cantgetoverthis]

That's really sad to hear. I know what it feels like to never have that chance to decide for yourself. It really sucks. In my opinion, I think you're right though, he had so many chances to tell you and he didn't. He thought you'd leave him if he told you... I think you were allowed that option even then, and if you were allowed to do your research and everything, because he knowingly gave it to you (he obviously didn't do his research...) then he took that choice away from you. 

What we know now is that it's happened and it's done. Don't feel dirty and unclean, you are still that same person you were before, just something new has happened in your life. I know how you feel with the whirlwind of emotions, and it honestly sucks. But like the above person said, find out why he didn't disclose to you and if he is sorry, and stay because you WANT to. It is a tough decision, but it is one you have to make.

I think if you do wish to not stay with him, after what he has done (and unless you really do love him and you can look past this, then that's fine) but if not, then I know it's scary, but you will find someone who will love you for who you are, regardless of GH and even then, you may find someone who really cares, and enough to tell you things like this. For me, I would disclose before even getting in a relationship, but that's me, because I'd prefer to give someone that choice and decision, and if they choose to not stay, then that's alright, you will find someone. 

I would say that you should only stay if you want to and if he is treating you right. Do what you think is right, but I think that even if it does come to telling prospective dates in the future, just know that no matter how difficult is will feel, you should be proud to yourself that you're giving them the option and the choice that you never had. I know it's sad, it still brings me down, I wasn't given a choice but there will be someone who will love and accept you for who you are whether you choose to stay or not. 

Maybe what I've said is all just weird things, but I just wanted to let you know that even though you have this decision to make and stuff... I think you should get the answers that you deserve, even though it's happened, unless you're fine with not knowing everything, I think you should find out more as to why he didn't tell you... you deserve answers.

[JulyP]

@lakegirlit is super hard to judge or try to help ppl when things like this happen. Many of us have been in your shoes. We were not given the chance to decide for ourselves, we simply woke up to this new reality and this huge burden of being roomies with some extremely sneaky virus we have to reveal to our future partners. 

The way I made the decision to end the relationship was not about him or why he kept this important information from me, I made it by really doing some soul searching and being brutally honest with myself. To me this guy was incredibly attractive, he was smart and funny and I really wanted to make that relationship work, but once H happened I realized that there were more important things for me, like honesty and kindness and the strength of the partnership. 

I don't know if that will help you and i realize this will be extremely hard, but know that you are not alone in this. Good luck!