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I'm new and newly diagnosed with herpes

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I'm Sam. I'm a 21 year old female. I just found out I have HSV 2 in April of this year. I'm not exactly sure where I got it from. I have had some sexual abuse when I was 14, yet years later I am here with one of the best guys ever. Which I am fortunate to have. I felt like I had the flu or something for a week or so, But I still had been intimate with my boyfriend. I started to notice small blister- like bumps . It was extremely painful to walk, and pass urine. I got scared and googled my symptoms. One of my worst nightmares. I called him immediately, and told him what I thought I had. He freaked out. I thought he was going to leave. But he didn't he became more understanding and went to the doctors with me. I was instantly diagnosed , upon a blood draw. He hasn't been tested, but we've seen the first hand results, he is positive.

It's been a few months, and I am now experiencing my second outbreak. Not as painful, but still pretty raw. The worst of it is it's spread to my mouth and finger tips, despite my hand sanitizing / hand washing. I almost feel I should be put into a bubble. My boyfriend, He doesn't get it as bad as I do. Hell, they're barely noticeable on him. I am beginning to get resentful and bitter. I'm depressed ,and terrified that someone will recognize these awful bumps. I'm scared of things I've read about pregnancy(I would like to have kids one day). I am also scared of more reoccurring outbreaks, I'm 21 . I feel like I'm not going to be able to do the things I want out of life anymore. Why is this happening???? I need advice before I really fall into this awful depression.

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Hi Here4help! Welcome to the forums!


First thing, do you feel fortunate to have the relationship or do you feel that you deserve it? Big difference. I'd like to imagine that you deserve it and that it has nothing to do with luck or good fortune. Own it, woman! :)


As far as how often you'll have outbreaks, the average person with genital herpes has 2-4 outbreaks per year (depending on if you have genital HSV-1 or HSV-2 and your immune system/how healthy you are, how much stress you have in your life). There are a few herpes triggers, but ultimately time will help heal, literally and figuratively. After 6 months, most people will have significantly less herpes outbreaks in both severity and quantity. Your body is building up antibodies as we speak so that future outbreaks won't happen as much.


As far as pregnancy goes, you'll be fine. That's the overwhelming truth based on the track record of women giving birth with herpes. Suppressive therapy before birth will help to make it so you don't have an active outbreak during birth, but if you do have an active outbreak, then the baby comes out via C-section. You don't have to worry about this if you don't want to! Herpes isn't a barrier to having a baby. Period. :)


And I had that fear of herpes somehow stopping me from living my fullest life and I've actually encountered the opposite: Having herpes has forced me to look at those self-defeating beliefs that USED to hold me back ... and over the years I've realized that so many of them were BS that I was choosing to believe. I'm now living a more full, deep and loving life than I ever had. This could be an opportunity for you to do the same.


Check out this article "Depression as a Path to Liberation" on what depression may actually be. If we push something as common as depression away as something wrong, we may actually miss what it's here to teach us:



There's nothing wrong with you. Know that. You are here for a reason. And herpes isn't going to stop you from fulfilling that.

Note: This is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis.
I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

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After reading up on a lot of people with herpes who are trying to date, and facing sexual rejection, I am happy to have a great guy by my side. But in the back of my head I have a lingering feeling of " Oh my god , did I give this to him?" because he is such a great guy , he didn't deserve it.

Thank you for the advice, I don't have other people to talk to about this, as I have pretty much hidden every detail about it from anyone besides him.

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Hi Here4help! Nobody deserves to get herpes..but don't think about it that way. Think of it as simply a virus you picked up. Use this negative experience in creating a more positive one. Assess your life. What your goals are. Before I had herpes, I wasn't really working very hard toward my goal. After I got diagnosed (2 yrs ago), the experience made me look where I am at in my life..and it made me work toward my dream job and I now am realizing my dream. I also realized that it didn't really matter who gave it to me (maybe it does if you want to tell him not to give it to anyone else but aside from that it's not big of a deal). What matters is who will accept me and my herpes. You are fortunate that your boyfriend gives you the love that you deserve. He knows you are worth more than your herpes. Looks like he doesn't care as long as you are with him hun..he didn't disappear, right? Take his hand and go through this journey together :)

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