Struggling (Hard) With Recent HSV2 Diagnosis

[Nathalie]

Hi all, 

I never thought I would be telling my HSV2 story in a forum, but here I am and I'm so thankful for this community. These past four four days have felt like a nightmare and I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that it is actually my reality. 

A few days ago, I called my gyno and asked for a dose of yeast infection medication. After a few days of excruciating pain, I realized that the symptoms were more extreme than a yeast infection, so I did a check and my heart sank. I immediately went to the urgent care, where the doctor took one look and knew. To make matters worst, the urgent care doctor had no bedside manners. I was a mess, bawling my eyes out and all he did was print out a one-pager on herpes. He barely gave me the time of day to ask him questions. I had to walk over to my pharmacy bawling and then pick up my Valtrex... I proceeded to bawl even more in the middle of the pharmacy. 

Thankfully when I went to my OB-GYN on Monday I had a much better experience. I was a mess and I'm also experiencing so much pain. Advil doesn't help. Every time I go pee, I cry, because this one simple task takes everything in me. My gyno prescribed me vicodin and numbing cream, because of the pain. She said "poor baby, no wonder you're in so much pain." Apparently it's a bad one. 

Besides the physical pain, I'm also going through a rollercoaster of emotions. I've only been seeing this guy for a month now and had to call him. Neither of us knew and/or showed any symptoms in the past. I've recently been tested, but from what I understand, sometimes blood tastes fail. And a lot of the times, they don't even test for herpes. He's been sweet and supportive, and that's the silver lining. He isn't experiencing the same kind of outbreak, so I feel lonely in that sense. I feel disgusted by my own body. I want to be held, but then I panic and fear that he won't want me if my outbreak lasts a while and we can't have sex. I know these are irrational fears, but everything is happening at once. Also, am I going to be able to give a natural birth? I'm only 26, but for some reason I am distraught over the potential of not being warranted a natural birth. 

I'm at a lost. I am in pain. I am sad and lonely and in need of someone who has experienced the same. I don't really know what I need, I think just supportive words. For someone to tell me it's going to be okay and I will live a normal life at some point. 

If you've made it this far, thank you for reading. Even just writing this has been cathartic. 

- N 

[Strength123]

@Nathalie I am going through a similar situation and I completely understand the emotional rollercoaster you are going through. Its been a couple weeks since my first blood test came back positive and there have been a lot of ups and downs. Like most, I spent my share of time crying and believing my life is going to forever change for the worse. I still battle with idea of how much my life with change for the worst but after a couple weeks I can say my optimism, self worth, and general outlook on life has improved. I still have healing to do but deep down I know I will be okay and so will you. Thank you for being apart of this community and sharing your experience. I'm wishing you all the best.

[Nathalie]

@Strength123 Thank you for sharing and for reaching out. Your journey is a beautiful one and I'm glad to hear you have found optimism, self worth and a positive outlook. I know I will get there and I know there will be struggles along the way, as is much of life. I am thankful for this community and can say that my first comment on my post (yours) has already made a difference. I'm sending hugs to wherever you are in the world. 

[Nathalie]

@LM_93 Thank you for sharing. I'm sorry to hear you had a tough start too, but it  seems you aren't alone in that way either. My struggle has been pretty intense thus far, but it's hopeful to know that you were able to find happiness. I know that I shouldn't panic about the guy and that if we are meant to be that he should stick by my side, but it's hard not to spiral sometimes with my thoughts. I am not herpes, I just have herpes. Can you share how your diet has changed and what you've noticed help reduce OBs? Do you have ways you lower your stress, too? I know that can trigger OBs as well, and I'm nervous since I deal with a lot of anxiety. Thanks for your kind message and help. 

[sweetlove884]

It's been a little bit, so I hope you are feeling better now. I'm so sorry you've been through all the awful physical and emotional pain. 

I hope you will let your boyfriend know you need to be held and nurtured.  Guys don't always know how they can help.  Gotta be specific!!  Lol 

[Nathalie]

@Mar535 Thank you for your kind note. I am feeling better now, and thankful for that since I was in a dark place initially. I'm experiencing another slight outbreak, but it's much less severe than the first. I'm just trying to understand my body now and what triggers it. It's a learning process I guess. 

Luckily, my boyfriend has been tremendous. Lots of holding, back scratches and kisses, so I am thankful. And you're right, sometimes I do need to be specific with my needs haha, but he's always responsive.