I just found out+ Im in a new 2 month relationship

[Confused1984!]

Im in a new relationship, 2 months in. We were having unprotected sex. About 5 days ago I found open painful areas on my genitals including on my clitoris. I went to the dr was diagnosed and started on Valtrex. The pain is so bad. Whats worse is the Dr told me since I had flu like symptoms, enlarged lymph nodes and a fever this was my first infection and my partner infected me.

I dont know how to address it with my partner. We are in love, even spoken about marriage and moving in together but he has a temper. My worry is he will deny giving it to me, be angry/aggressive and perhaps even disclose my status publicly. When should I tell him? Face to face or on the phone? 

I never had any symptoms before I really believe he infected me. I am angry, scared, in pain and hopeless. Any advice would be appreciated.

 

[Nathalie]

Hi, I literally just went through the same thing. I started a relationship a little over a month ago and was diagnosed with HSV2 this weekend. I texted and told him that we needed to talk and that I'd just left urgent care - he called me immediately and I told him in a very matter-of-fact way. I said that I had just left urgent care and was diagnosed with herpes, and was still dealing with the emotional and physical pain. I told him that he should get tested and that I had no idea I was positive. He was kind, he listened, he told me we were going to be okay. If this person cares for you, he will be understanding. I right off the bat told my guy that I didn't want this to be a blame game, that I trusted had he'd known, he would have told me. It's honestly really hard to say who gave it to who. If he's an asshole about it, then you learned sooner rather than later, but I doubt that will be his approach based off what you shared about your relationship. It's scary, but you can do this. The person who cares about you should know, so that they can get tested and also act as a support. 

In terms of the pain, I'm right there with you. This is the worst pain I've ever experienced in my life. I cried for four days straight. Does Advil help you at all? It didn't for me, so my doctor prescribed me lidocaine (a numbing gel that helps with peeing) and Vicodin. I took a week off work and wore very loose clothing (no underwear). I recommend baths, especially with epsom salt and to try and pee in the baths. If you don't have a bath (like me), you can get a sitz bath. Those can even fit in your toilet and do the same thing. 

You aren't alone. I am still home dealing with this, but I am in a better place than I was a week and a half ago. It gets better with time and research and leaning on people that love you. You are still the same amazing person you were before you found out you were H positive. Trust me. The people that matter will stick with you. Message me if you need anything at all, we're all in this together.

[Confused1984!]

This helped so much. Hes getting tested. I think we are going to make it. Its devastating, but the pain is starting to subside. Im learning everything I can and taking medication plus herbal ointments and supplements. I dont think he understands it all yet. He called to make a dr appointment today. I have a follow up appointment on Wednesday. Thanks again.

[Elle27]

I found out I’m positive three days ago. I have been in a monogamous relationship for almost four months. This was after not dating or having sex for four years. I have finally found the guy I believe that I will marry some day. We both had conversations about being tested, we used condoms for the first few weeks and then had unprotected sex. Last week I came down with horrible flu like symptoms. The headache, severe body aches, and fever of 103. I also thought I had a yeast infection. I went to my doctor and she suspected herpes before she did a pelvic exam. Since Tuesday I had a severe initial breakout on my external organs, vagina/cervix. I also had an oral breakout after not ever having oral symptoms. I had to tell my boyfriend on Wednesday night which was almost the scariest part of finding out. I ran the conversation over in my head quite a few times and thought of all of the potential outcomes. I did a ton of research in less than 30 hours since finding out and told him in a facts based Manner. I told him in person, at home where he was not distracted or running to another activity. He took the news with shock but understood that he could be a carrier and is going to get tested. He was calm, supportive, positive, and empathetic. He held me while i cried like a baby. I could not have hoped for a better outcome to a horrible and unexpected situation. I told him Wednesday and two days later he continues to check on me every couple hours to see how I’m doing physically and emotionally. He asked why I hadn’t called him right away so I didn’t have to experience it alone. Like my mom told me, if he loves you, and he’s the right person, he will be supportive and figure out how to work this out with you. It may take him time to adjust to the news, and that’s ok too because you know how impossible it feels for you right now. We will be ok. I wish you the best, let us know how it goes!