Fault and Financial Responsibility

[sweetlove884]

I have had fever blister many years. I never knew you could spread them when you didn't have a sore.  I never told my partner that I get them because I hadn't had one in a long time and it just never occurred to me. 

I gave him oral sex and about a week later developed a fever blister. About a week later he had a genital outbreak. So it seems clear to both of us that I gave it to him. 

So, based on that, at first I was paying all the expenses.  Doctor, testing, meds, etc.  

However, during all this he has treated me like utter s***.  My question is, morally should I pay all expenses or does he bear some responsibility for not practicing safe oral sex and taking the risk of having sex?  

[sweetlove884]

Oh, another thing. I got tested too, and I have both types, so may have given him both.  We don't know yet because he tested negative for both. He did have scrapings or whatever you call it from the sores.  

So, if I gave him both I'm feeling more responsibility.  He's only 25.  Feels he'll never get another woman.  I do feel bad for him, believe me, but after two weeks of hell, I had to set some hard boundaries. No more groveling!

[sweetlove884]

Nevermind.  I'm gonna pay it all. It's the least I can do.  

[Strength123]

Wow @Mar535, you are kinder than I am. I believe it's 100 % up to each individual to be vigilant about safe sex if they want the least amount of risk of obtaining an std. If he proceeded without using protection then he is  responsible. That being said, I would gladly help someone I cared for with expenses if they needed it and I could afford it. But that help would most certainly not be offered if they were not being kind to me regardless of who have it to whom. I'm sorry you are going through this and want to urge you not to feel obligated to pay his expenses. If you truly want to help him then I fully support you but again don't feel like you need to because you definitely don't. 

Warmly,

Strength123

[sweetlove884]

Thank you @Strength123.  I really appreciate your viewpoint. I did decide to go ahead and pay in spite of the fact that he's an a**. I think the anger is understandable, even though I'm pretty sure I would never treat him the same. 

[Disgusted]

So you knew you had herpes and didn't  disclose? It doesn't matter if you did or didnt know you could spread herpes through oral... This is still on you...

[sweetlove884]

No kidding. That's what I said in the original post

[sweetlove884]

I also said I'm paying it all 

[organicmama]

If you didn't disclose and you knew I would be really pissed, too. The father of my child knew and knowingly gave it to me. My child and I do not see him anymore.

[sweetlove884]

Yep. He was really pissed. That's for damn sure. 

I wasn't willingly not disclosing. I did not understand that I needed to. I didn't realize it was herpes herpes. I thought they were two different things. Of course now I know better!!

I was an ignorant dumbass. But you don't know what you don't know.