How can I deal with the shock/anxiety? (Second genital HSV1 outbreak)

[monolaurinismyfriend]

Hi, I was diagnosed with genital HSV-1 two and a half years ago. After the initial shock and heart-break, when I was told it was HSV-1 and wouldn't occur that frequently (one gynecologist said it was unlikely that it would ever come back, one said unlikely after 1 year)... so I thought that I was good.

Suddenly, after starting a new (terrible) job and medication (Lexapro) I got an outbreak again in July after two and a half years. It has felt like all of the anxiety has come rushing back, and the trauma and shame. I thought it was over and done with. Now I am constantly worried, for myself and for my boyfriend of four months, I'm too afraid to try any anxiety meds because I've convinced myself that SSRIs cause herpes... I have no idea what to do. Any razor bump, cut, or itch from an ingrown hair sends me into a complete panic and I triple dose on all of my supplements that supposedly prevent herpes (would not recommend doing this). I've talked to a therapist but they haven't helped me that much on this issue. Mostly, I am CONSTANTLY terrified that I gave my boyfriend herpes, always wondering if he had a coldsore as a kid that would make him immune, always make sure he takes supplements I gave him. It's becomming a lot, for both of us I think.

 

Anyone else experience this, or have any advice?

[KRS17]

HI there.  No judgement, but have you disclosed to your partner?

[happyman_adventurous]

Hi @monolaurinismyfriend,

HSV-1 is indeed less contagious and less recurring than HSV-2, so this is somehow "good news", and something important you have to keep in mind to apease your worries.

However, you HAVE the virus, and it's out of the question to think it will never come back. It probably will. But in that order of things, if you "tweak" your mind, and accept/adapt to the virus' reality, you'll grasp better your situation, and you'll suffer less (because your expectations won't be as optimistic as thinking "I'm clean").

That said, you'll be fine, and you'll manage to get it under control, and recover your peace of mind, and have a plentiful sex life and if you take the essential care, your partner will be safe. It is normal to freak out at first, but after some rumination, information processing, and acceptance, you'll find a place of peace of mind and control of the illness.

However you have to do this small journey of acceptance, to assess the virulence/gravity (or not) of your particular case.

An outbreak every 2,5 years is inside what's considered normal, and on the "good" side of the spectrum, specially if you don't take mediaction daily, that I suppose you don't as you didn't mention it. That's good, and you should be proud of your inmne system.

If the anti-anxiety medication promotes the outbreaks, or is in any form related (maybe the anxiety itself is behind the outbreak and not the medication, don't forget about that possibility), you'll have to find another tool to manage your anxiety. Anxiety is known to give the virus a boost. So keeping stress levels under the line is essential (and a good thing anyways).

There are countless tools to provide you with a more relaxed mind: moderate sport, yoga, meditation, nature, hot tea, walking your dog, swimming... find what brings more sense to you.

Nutrition is as well important.

And regarding transmission, woman to men is LESS likely to pass than the contrary.

If you:

• avoid sex during outbreaks
• and during "prodrome" periods (slight itch, etc),
• and if you take the medication,
• and he uses a condom, you'll be perfectly fine with your partner and you won't pass it.
• More so, if you take a shower before sex,
• and he takes his shower after sex, you lower still more the chances of transmission.
• Another key deatil: both of you should avoid razor shaving. Using a clipper is fine.

If you have sex with condoms AND you take mediaction daily (consistently daily), the odds of passing it are so slim that they are practically insignificant, to the point they are less likely than getting a pregnancy when using a condom.

Here are the stats:

https://herpeslife.com/opportunity/free-ebook-signup.html

Having a softer sex helps as well.

Here's a very good informative page about the two types of Herpes:

http://www.healthassist.net/conditions/herpes.shtml#2

For your case, I would focus on this "good new":

Quote

The rate of asymptomatic shedding from the genital area for HSV-1 is approximately 5% of the time when the person has no symptoms

So it exists some risk but it's small. Please understand that you'll be fine after some work, we can have a very normal life and love life if we learn to control the illness, which requires some new routines and knowdledge.

Best regards,

[monolaurinismyfriend]

On 9/26/2018 at 9:59 PM, KRS17 said:

HI there.  No judgement, but have you disclosed to your partner?

Yep.

[monolaurinismyfriend]

On 9/26/2018 at 10:49 PM, happyman_adventurous said:

Hi @monolaurinismyfriend,

HSV-1 is indeed less contagious and less recurring than HSV-2, so this is somehow "good news", and something important you have to keep in mind to apease your worries.

However, you HAVE the virus, and it's out of the question to think it will never come back. It probably will. But in that order of things, if you "tweak" your mind, and accept/adapt to the virus' reality, you'll grasp better your situation, and you'll suffer less (because your expectations won't be as optimistic as thinking "I'm clean").

That said, you'll be fine, and you'll manage to get it under control, and recover your peace of mind, and have a plentiful sex life and if you take the essential care, your partner will be safe. It is normal to freak out at first, but after some rumination, information processing, and acceptance, you'll find a place of peace of mind and control of the illness.

However you have to do this small journey of acceptance, to assess the virulence/gravity (or not) of your particular case.

An outbreak every 2,5 years is inside what's considered normal, and on the "good" side of the spectrum, specially if you don't take mediaction daily, that I suppose you don't as you didn't mention it. That's good, and you should be proud of your inmne system.

If the anti-anxiety medication promotes the outbreaks, or is in any form related (maybe the anxiety itself is behind the outbreak and not the medication, don't forget about that possibility), you'll have to find another tool to manage your anxiety. Anxiety is known to give the virus a boost. So keeping stress levels under the line is essential (and a good thing anyways).

There are countless tools to provide you with a more relaxed mind: moderate sport, yoga, meditation, nature, hot tea, walking your dog, swimming... find what brings more sense to you.

Nutrition is as well important.

And regarding transmission, woman to men is LESS likely to pass than the contrary.

If you:

• avoid sex during outbreaks
• and during "prodrome" periods (slight itch, etc),
• and if you take the medication,
• and he uses a condom, you'll be perfectly fine with your partner and you won't pass it.
• More so, if you take a shower before sex,
• and he takes his shower after sex, you lower still more the chances of transmission.
• Another key deatil: both of you should avoid razor shaving. Using a clipper is fine.

If you have sex with condoms AND you take mediaction daily (consistently daily), the odds of passing it are so slim that they are practically insignificant, to the point they are less likely than getting a pregnancy when using a condom.

Here are the stats: 

https://herpeslife.com/opportunity/free-ebook-signup.html

Having a softer sex helps as well.

Here's a very good informative page about the two types of Herpes:

- http://www.healthassist.net/conditions/herpes.shtml#2

For your case, I would focus on this "good new":

So it exists some risk but it's small. Please understand that you'll be fine after some work, we can have a very normal life and love life if we learn to control the illness, which requires some new routines and knowdledge.

Best regards,

Thanks so much. This really made me feel better.

[KRS17]

Happyman has hit most of my points, but the reason I'd asked about disclosure is highlighting the fact that you have done A TON right here.  I''m sorry your therapist isn't helping as much.  Managing stress, like said above is important.  Has your boyfriend gone to get tested?

 

    In the meantime, remember that your worth is tied to you as a person, as a human being, and not on a stupid virus so many people have.  It's in how you treat your partner, not in what *may* have happened, and more likely didn't.  Keep an open dialogue with him, tell him your fears and let him tell you his.  I understand the constant fear, the worry and the guilt(even when that self-guilt is unfounded).  Please do try some of the stress relievers that Happyman mentioned.  Weirdly, hot tea and walks, and petting my furry friends have been most helpful for me.  Sometimes a hot bath and a glass of wine(assuming alcohol is not a trigger as it is for some).  I have dealt with this virus for over 8 years...many people on here for many more.  Keep reaching out.  This community is a godsend.

Let me(us) know if there is more we(us) can do.

[monolaurinismyfriend]

Thak

On 9/28/2018 at 9:42 PM, KRS17 said:

Happyman has hit most of my points, but the reason I'd asked about disclosure is highlighting the fact that you have done A TON right here.  I''m sorry your therapist isn't helping as much.  Managing stress, like said above is important.  Has your boyfriend gone to get tested?

 

    In the meantime, remember that your worth is tied to you as a person, as a human being, and not on a stupid virus so many people have.  It's in how you treat your partner, not in what *may* have happened, and more likely didn't.  Keep an open dialogue with him, tell him your fears and let him tell you his.  I understand the constant fear, the worry and the guilt(even when that self-guilt is unfounded).  Please do try some of the stress relievers that Happyman mentioned.  Weirdly, hot tea and walks, and petting my furry friends have been most helpful for me.  Sometimes a hot bath and a glass of wine(assuming alcohol is not a trigger as it is for some).  I have dealt with this virus for over 8 years...many people on here for many more.  Keep reaching out.  This community is a godsend.

Let me(us) know if there is more we(us) can do.

Thanks so so so much.