Newly diagnosed

[Jenn88]

I don’t as just diagnosed about 3 weeks ago and I am completely numb. I’m scared, nervous, anxious, depressed. I feel extremely extremely dirty. I constantly shower. 

I’m scared I’ll be alone and I’ll always be rejected. Don’t know how to cope 

[mr_hopp]

Hi @Jenn88 and welcome,

I'm sorry it’s been hard for you. Big hugs to you and your hurting heart. You've come to a good place to move through this healing process in a good way. Your heart will come back online and you will feel like yourself again, I promise you. It takes time, practice and a commitment to growth and self-love.

May I ask why specifically you feel so dirty and believe you’ll be alone and rejected? It’s a different experience for everyone, so curious how it is for you ... 

[Jenn88]

Growing up my mom was very strict and we were taught that well only people who sleep around get diseases. So now I feel slutty and dirty bc of what we were taught to believe growing up. Even now when we go out and a guy Emmy friend knows is at the bar they all say oh look it’s John the guy with the herpes and they all make faces. I showered and scrubbed a million times the day I found out. I’ve only told one person and she has been super supportive. I won’t dare tell my parents or my other friends bc I’ve seen how they talk about that guy.  I feel like no one is gonna wanna b with me bc I feel damaged, ruined. I mean who would wanna take a risk of possibly getting infected? 

I honestly don’t even know when or who I got this from. I had my first On 3 weeks ago and that’s how I found out. I had no symptoms other then the ONE lesion. Had it not been for me seeing that I never would have known 

 

[mr_hopp]

Thanks for sharing all of that. It’s helpful and gives important perspective. So do you see how the feeling of being dirty and slutty isn’t an objective truth? It’s something that got passed to you from your mother. She was doing the best she could with what she had, but in saying those things to you, what she ultimately passed down to you was sexual shame. And she probably got it from her parents (and hell, society in general). Interestingly, there’s a part of us that still clings to the beliefs of our parents, even if they are beliefs that demean and degrade us, because we inherently love our parents and look up to them. So, subconsciously we conflate loving them with taking on their beliefs and perspectives of their world.

But if we really see that, then we get to do a world-changing thing: We get to choose. And in that choice, we also get to evolve. This isn’t really about herpes. It’s about owning your own self-chosen perspective and growing into who you are.

It’s now up to you to create your new self-identity around what it means to be a woman with herpes. Let go of the beliefs that shame you into thinking you are anything less than. You are more than you are giving yourself credit for ... And yes, in the mix of all that, you also have a skin condition called herpes. But a virus (or society) doesn’t define who you are unless you let it. You get to do that. So ... who are you really?

[Jenn88]

Is it weird though to sometimes forget you even have H? This is my 2nd our break since my 3 week diagnosis.... I believe I brought the second one due to emotional stress bc I was crying my eyes out all week.  But I don’t or I haven’t I should say had symptoms other than 1 blister for the OB....

[Furr47]

Hi,

from personal experience, I can tell you that not everyone will reject you. I’ve found that when I am honest and talk about my virus up front, people have been understanding. Yes, there were rejections but I just see it as someone I wasn’t suppose to know and move on. 

It’s still frustrating, depressing and angering at times but I try to concentrate on being healthy, keeping my immune system well and getting comfort from those who love me. 

Keep your head up. 🙂 

[Lorikaz81]

Hi Jenn

I also was diagnosed with hsv2 a few weeks ago and still having outbreaks. You do feel the emotions of pain, anger and sadness but it will subside some. Remember that you are you don’t let it live your life...live your life with it and try focusing on the good. I also felt the dirty feeling after I was diagnosed but have come to accept it and take my meds regularly. It will get better I promise.

Lori