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When to disclose?

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This is my first time dating as a sufferer (?) of HSV 2.  I'm pretty positive that I'm going to get all flustered come disclosure time, but that's not the main issue.  My question is WHEN to disclose.  Obviously, prior to doing anything sexual.  What I mean is, I don't want to be presumptive and say something too soon, but I also don't want to "ruin the moment" and say something as we're moving in that direction.  What about casual sex? At what point do I disclose in that case?

Many thanks to all who provide advice 🙂

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Hi CatLady3000

It is kind of down to you!
Some people like to disclose very early as not to get attached, so it won't be so painful to get rejected.
like 2nd or 3rd date, personally I think there's more chance of being rejected by doing that but have also heard success stories.

I like to wait to get to know them, then when you know there is a good chance you will get intimate with them, have the talk.
The one thing I have found is that, they may end up being intimate with you but can change their tune over a couple of weeks
of processing it, so be prepared for that as it seems fairly common from other peoples stories too.

As for casual sex, I think not long before it happens is the norm 😄

Good Luck 🙂




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My short answer here is this: When you feel that you can trust this person with your vulnerability. Period. Because the herpes talk is vulnerable. It's sharing a raw side of you, especially if you're still in the throes of shame. 

 This is a great barometer because it also guarantees that you only have sex with people you truly trust (definitely a great foundation to work from, right?). The herpes talk is emotionally vulnerable. Having sex is both emotionally and physically vulnerable. The analogy here is like a flower blossoming. We want to over time open to our partner, and the herpes talk can be the opportunity to maybe for the first time truly open emotionally with your partner.

 So in that way, I've never been a strong proponent of disclosing on the first date. It's not holding something back, it's just working toward trusting this person with your vulnerability. Just like he might not share some skeleton in his closet on the first date, we aren't expected to, either. The only time we need to disclose is if we are actually considering sleeping with this person. Until that's a possibility, then herpes doesn't absolutely need to be the first conversation we have before we've even gotten to really know each other as people. 

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Note: This is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis.
I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

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