My ex-best friend's husband gave me herpes

[jalapenocupcakes]

K

[Pacific]

Oh dear JalapenoCupcakes, you are my kind of lady. First, your username involves two food items that I absolutely adore. Second, you clearly approach life with a sense of humor.

 

Your post reminds me of me. Our thoughts and perspectives are so similar in so many ways. I hope I can share with you some of the wisdom that was passed onto me:

 

1) Stop punishing yourself. Undoubtedly, you are an intelligent, rational woman. You probably had friends who cautioned you about the gentleman. You carefully analyzed all objective, available data and...you didn't make a calculated, mechanical decision. You were human, in love and full of passion. Please don't beat yourself up. Clear, rational decisions are easily made when it doesn't involve your emotions and your heart. I hope this experience does not deter you from opening your heart to another in the future.

 

2) It is okay to grieve. Please make time to be sad. Let yourself be sad! You loved this man. He is no longer there. Your heart is breaking and that is totally normal. Allow yourself to fully grieve, to be sad, angry etc. Experience the full gamut of emotions. If you don't permit yourself to feel these emotions, you will find it significantly more difficult to recover and move forward.

 

3) There are things you can control and everything else is speculation. After my diagnosis, the man who I was emotionally attached to started dating someone else. That started a torturous process of questioning, over-analysis and speculation. Why did he does this? Why did he do that? What was the significance of this action? What caused him to do that action? It was exhausting. My amazing boss and mentor gave me some great advice. There are things in my control. I can change those things in my control. Everything else has to be released into the world. Release and let go of the many things in the life you CANNOT control, the things that you have NO influence over. I started identifying all the things in my life over which I have no control. And for those things, I am learning to let go. But this is a slow process. It took me three months to get here!

 

Be sad. Be angry. But I am fairly confident that you will overcome this difficult chapter in your life. And I certainly hope you don't settle for a boring, mundane "grandma" life.