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Introducing myself and in need of some serious advice about herpes

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I guess it's time for me to introduce myself... instead of just lurking. I am 24 years old and a single mom. I've been in a relationship for a year and a half now. In December during the holidays I had my first outbreak.It was a painful experience and my doctor said it was one of the worst that she's seen yet. I told him right away and he was in shock at first. Shock turned to accusations...accusing me of sleeping with a coworker that old enough to be my dad.... all because the coworker invited me to a Christmas party after his brother could not attend. So every time we get into a fight this comes up. So it has been about 8 months now and it has been a really hard time. He has since moved out of state claiming he needs to find himself. He said he would come back at the end of the year and that he would save money up so we could buy a house. Its been a rough couple of months since he's been gone. He has refused to talk about our situation... so when I needed a friend just to listen he was not there. I asked him several times throughout the past almost 8 months if he had it or not... each time I asked he said no that he did not have it. We got into some pretty heated arguments with him putting all the blame on me. Well in June he finally talked about it and admitted to having it. he said that he remembered his ex wife saying something about her sons dad but never thought that he had contracted it. His test results came back positive not negative but he refused to accept it. A week later after this conversation he didn't deny having it but he did deny the conversation that we had about it. He went back to accusing me of cheating.


Things have been pretty hard since then. I feel like I could have done a lot of healing over the past several months if he had just come clean before hand. We have been on the verge of a break up... after hanging up the phone in my face for telling him how he made me feel, he didn't call or text for a week and I assumed that we were no longer together. I wanted us to be together but I was just tired of how he was treating me and the things that he was saying to me....

Anyways an old friend contacted me and normally I wouldn't respond but given how things were in the relationship that I was in or no longer in .... I responded and we saw each other for a few minutes in passing. It was nothing major but it did happen. The next day my boyfriend decided to text me and apologize... it brought a smile to my face but at the same time I wasn't going to keep a secret from him. So I told him about the contact that me and my old friend had. .and now he hates me. he says the brief contact is enough for him to not speak to me ever again. I'm somewhat in shock because I just wanted to be honest with him I knew that he would kind of react this way but I didn't think that he would take it to this extent... so now the relationship is over according to him... I'm sitting here hurting and confused because I don't know what my future looks like.


Everyone keeps telling me that I don't need to be with him because of the way that he was treating me... it was really bad. I mean some of the things that he would say...you just don't say them to a person that you're supposed to love.

So I'm sitting here and I'm hurting, because I don't know what my future looks like. I feel like I might be alone forever. I haven't told anyone about me contracting the disease so it's just been something between me and him.


I haven't had an outbreak since the first one. There were a few times that I thought that I was having an outbreak but it turned out not to be one...so I have essentially been symptom free since the first one. I feel like I'm in hell right now because my son was really attached. The thought of just trying to date again sends me in a deep dark place. I feel like herpes has taken control of my life. I'm normally a really happy person but since finding out I have been falling into a deep depression. I want to reclaim my life back but I am scared and I don't know how.


I apologize for the length of this... I really needed to vent. Thank you so much for your time, you all seem like wonderful people to be around.

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Oh honey I just want to give you a big hug...and tell you you won't be alone forever and your future is as bright as you want to make, H or no H. And don't apologize for the length of it...I am so glad you shared how you are feeling.


Yes reclaim your life back...and the first step is to move on from the man in your life. I think the people who love and care for you are giving you some good advice...and you are right in thinking that you don't treat someone you love like that.


Don't even worry about dating right now, take that pressure of yourself. You have a gorgeous boy who needs you and you need to stay connected with him. That is your priority. And share this with someone who cares about you...you don't have to carry it alone. You will be surprised at how supportive and loving people are. By telling them this you are giving them the opportunity to be loving and caring.


Your future is what you create...and such beautiful things come from when we feel broken. I have felt just like you and now I know that life is really what I make it...I decided that no matter what I would make it good. You don't need to meet anyone else right now...you need to find and love you, and love your son and give others the chance to show you love too. I will send you good thoughts every day... :-) You will be ok :-) xx


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Thank you for such kind words :-) I shared everything with of friend who's more like a sister to me... and she just let me get it all out... and after she gave me a boost you know what she turned around and said.... what if I told you I had herpes too... the comfort I felt at that time was unreal.

I've really taken everything said to heart, thank you so much! Here's to better days :-P

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Sagg88, I'm glad you've emerged from the lurker shadows. :) I hear the pain you're going through and my heart goes out to you. Sounds confusing as hell with him going back and forth about accusing you, finding himself, then coming back with a smile on his face and acceptance in his heart only to jump right back into hating you. It sounds like such a push and pull emotionally. I imagine that's super tiring for you. I hear that you love him. And I hear that you're also learning to love yourself. Sometimes love means putting up boundaries about how you will and will not be treated by someone else. Self-love is allowing the kind of treatment you deserve and not allowing the other stuff. I'm glad you're venting and taking care of yourself like that. Know that when/if you do decide to date that you will go through your own process of vulnerability and self-acceptance then. But for now, focus on yourself and your needs and what your son needs. Work from you and your son as the foundation. Then you can expand out to include someone else who will treat you right. Much love and a big, big hug for you, Sagg. I'm glad you're here.

Note: This is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis.
I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

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