Jump to content
  • Want to be a part of a supportive community? Join the H Opp community for free.

    Welcome to the Herpes Opportunity Support Forum! We are a supportive and positive group to help you discover and live your Opportunity. Together, we can shed the shame and embrace vulnerability and true connection. Because who you are is more important than what you have. Get your free e-book and handouts here: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook

Worried scared and guilty

Recommended Posts

Hello all,

This weekend was the worst of my life. The person I care for found out she has herpes. I got tested but am informed since her ex husband I have been the only one she has been with since. I am still waiting on results but am thinking I am to blame. How do I get over the guilt. More so how do I comfort her. she is numb and closed off. I want to be there for her but fear I am to blame and don't want to be a constant reminder to her. Help?



More info I have never had an outbreak or any symptoms. Feeling I am one of the ones to be a carried and not know.

Link to comment

I have been in a similar situation. I found out I had gHSV about a year ago, when I accidentally infected by girlfriend (now ex). Its a terrible feeling, especially because of what she was going through with her first outbreak, so I kind of know what you're going through there, and I'm sorry for you.

As far as fearing you'll be a constant reminder, I definitely felt a similar way when she first brought up her outbreak to me. I asked her if she wanted me to go to the clinic with her, because I really wasn't sure if she'd want me around at all. Thankfully she was extremely gracious through the whole process. I think the best thing you can do, is to offer your support, and be there when she wants it. I would stay over at my girlfriends house, and hold her when she was shaking after having to endure using the restroom, and of course I apologized a million times or so. She and I ended up breaking up for different reasons, but I would definitely say that the experience actually brought us a lot closer together than we would have been if we hadn't gone through it.

I always wished that she would have ended up with someone else, and that I would have never given it to her, but I also can't imagine what it would be like going through something like that alone. Its a double edged sword, the guilt of unknowingly passing HSV on to someone is terrible, but at the same time, it can be so helpful to have someone else to go through this with. Hopefully she can forgive you, and you both can appreciate the blessing of having someone else to go through this with. 

Your situation sounds really similar to mine, so message me if you ever wanna talk.

  • Like 1
Link to comment

If you did it unknowingly there is nothing you could have done differently. Please know that. As for me, my son's father gave it to me knowingly so it's different. I cannot even look at him. He is a constant reminder and I feel extreme animosity and hatred towards him. I actually have not seen him in about 10 days now. I have cut off all contact. I couldn't do it anymore. He was also not supportive. He would get into a weird place when I was mad at him. I had every right to be mad.. he did it knowingly. Please just be there for her. Let her scream, let her yell, let her feel whatever she wants to feel. She is entitled to it. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment

Nervous1, the one thing you want to do is be there for her. Yes, she maybe upset, numbed and confused but she is also very lonely at this time of need. I say that because unfortunately, I am her. I was with my husband for over a decade. Things got complicated after the baby and we just grew apart. We slipt, and I was living a happy single life. Going out with the girls, working hard, looking for my own apartment. I was really busy; lost in life sort of speak. Many men tried however, I wasn’t ready. I was saving myself, I was finally being selfish with myself. For the first time in a long time for me, it was all about me. Until I came across this man and I swear my whole world just stopped the moment I laid eyes on him. He wasn’t even my type. But somehow he was a manifestation of all of my fantasies. He was exactly what I had envisioned, unknowingly I spoke to my mom and my girls about him even before I met him. He gave me his number but I was still scared to let anyone in. I give a lot and i wasn’t through with finding myself. I saved his number in my planner and referred back to it every time I thought of the first time I saw him. About 3 weeks later he found me again. And I swear my heart smiled when I saw him again. It was his smile. I remembered him because of his car. He vibed off well with my son. My heart smiled for the first time in a long time. 

Our first outing was perfect. Nothing big just sight seeing really but i didn’t want anything from him. Just his time, he’d make me laugh the way my dad did. We had unprotected sex and I initiated it. I was longing to be held, to be touched, to feel wanted. Being in a long term relationship with my husband at a young age I inexperienced. At 28, my “dream” guy was the 5th person I’d been intimate with. Within 2 weeks of that I started to get a rash. I’ve never even had a yeast infection. So I went to the doctors and they said it was just that a yeast infection. But something didn’t seem well. About a week later the blisters appeared. My body was going through this change. I hadn’t mentioned anything to him because I felt dirty I didn’t know what was going on. I went back to the doctors and got everything tested every way possible. It was a Friday. Tuesday I received the call. I was positive for HSV2 in my genitals. I was at work and my heart stopped. I was confused, I was numbed. I went from a committed 12 yr relationship, to having herpes with whom I felt was a complete stranger. And I don’t blame him, I blame myself. I didn’t protect me. I was so caught up I put my health, and my son’s health at risk. Breaking it to him was hard. I cried and I cried. He apologized and said he’d too had gotten tested before and was negative but felt like he was the blame. Since that night he has yet to even ask me if I was ok, if I need anything. He just disappeared. His disappearing has affected me so much so that I’m on 2nd breakout from the stress. My medication was $200 unexpected so I was late on rent. And I’ve yet to get a call, a text or a knock on my door to see if I as ok. 

I thought about calling him, or texting it. I know he must be hurting or feeling guilty. And as the father that he is, as someone’s son, brother and an entity I care for him regardless of that he’s done. I wanted to be there for him just as much as I wanted him to be there for me. But as a man I wanted him to make that move. And he just abandoned me and I feel even worse about my whole situation in it’s entirety. Call her, take her flowers, be willing to allow this to grow now that you’ve introduced her to this situation. Who else understands what your going through? 



Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...