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MarieH

who am i now?

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I am a very outgoing and active person. I thrive around people. I got DX'ed 5 days ago. I have had the "herp fever" as I like to call it for 7 days. The systemic first infection symptoms. I feel awful physically. the anti vials make me feel sick. Worse then my body is my heart. I feel sick at heart. I have no idea who I am anymore.  I was so careful always. I always used condoms and asked about histories. I was lied to and I feel ruined. I don't feel like myself anymore, I'm just a walking disease as  my body is slowly having this virus infect every part of me. The migraine I have had for 7 days, and all the flu like symptoms I just have wait out while I take meds that make me nauseous, dizzy, and foggy. The fatigue is like a wet hot blanket I carry with me. I'm too tired, depressed, and empty to even talk to people or leave my apartment. I can't cry anymore because I think I emptied on that too. I'm just a hollow shell of a person.   

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Oh that is just no good!

You are you 💯 

Have you ever had chicken pox? Or mono? If you met someone who had chicken pox or mono, would you think of them differently? Because herpes is the same thing. A virus, from the same family even.

You are not herpes, you are you. You feel a bit shite right now, but you can't let an illness define you.

I hope you feel better soon xx

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Hi MarieH

I'm sorry to hear your down & hurting!

You will get better, I promise, it is normal to feel shitty at first (although strangely I didn't)
Eventually you will start to recover & find that having H is not the big thing it is made out to be.

You will become outgoing & active again & you will also become a better stronger person.
Don't cry anymore, keep your chin up & try to be positive!

Best of luck, Big Hugs!

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Today at work I was able to engage  with patients in a real way. I enjoyed a song, and made a joke. These seem like simple things but really they are a big step.  I hadn't enjoyed anything in almost a week, not a single second of anything. And my herp fever is dramatically improved since yesterday. It's not gone but it's alot less now. This site has helped alot. Reading other people's stories, I feel like alone, less gross because I don't think that any of you are gross, you are just people. But....i thought I was....that didn't actually make any sense. I see that now, I didn't think of anyone else who had it was defined by their disease. Yet here I was defining myself by it.  I am going to go back to going to the gym tomorrow. I'm done hiding, although I am not even remotely close to anything that resembles dating. I am taking a vacation from that for as long as I need to. I 

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One thing that is strange is phasing out of the nightmare fever-dream of the early diagnosis and coming home to yourself again. The complete breakdown that many of us experience is based on a whole set of preconceptions that then don't pan out into our lived realities and it all seems so overblown and overly intense once we begin to regain focus. It's amazing to experience the massive difference between the stigma of the disease and what it feels like to actually have it. 

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I’m sorry we all have this, but I’m grateful for your support though it. Thank goodness that we have this forum. This is a hard thing to accept. At least we aren’t alone. We have each other here. If herpes is so prevalent, why don’t they talk about it? HPV is so accepted and talked about now. Why is herpes so taboo? 

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Idk why it has such a bad...reputation. all these herpies jokes that go around like it's shameful slut disease.  but it's not. 

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Once starting to heal from the physical effects of my initial outbreak, I finally felt like I was getting back to my old self. It’s hard to feel good about anything when you are physically uncomfortable. I’m hoping that things continue to improve and that my outbreaks are fewer and far between. Sending you love and hope. 

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Hi @MarieH

I was diagnosed last month and I know exactly how you feel. I find myself feeling more and more normal everyday. I have heard some H jokes from my sister (who I haven’t told) & I’m getting quite tired of them. Our pain/reality is not a joke. I would tell her, but she talks too much and would probably tell my business. Day by day you will feel like you. Last night I laughed so hard at my nieces and nephews and I genuinely felt like myself. 1 month in...a lifetime to go.

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i was starting to feel like myself bc my body was healing. then I got a bad case of tonsillitis. Luckily i have some good friends who dragged me to the doctor, I would have ended up in the ER within 2 days.  Apparently I'm very sick. I was blaming it all on my H and didn't even consider it could something else.  So I had been going back they gym and laughing again but I had to stop bc I'm sick...again/still. 

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I was diagnosed a month ago. I cried for two weeks. Feels like I've been through the wringer.

But I am feeling more like myself now -- I'm going to be scheduling a new doc appt. and really get to know how this virus manifests in my body. I'm taking Valtrex and hoping it helps reduce transmission. 

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On 10/19/2018 at 4:05 PM, MarieH said:

i was starting to feel like myself bc my body was healing. then I got a bad case of tonsillitis. Luckily i have some good friends who dragged me to the doctor, I would have ended up in the ER within 2 days.  Apparently I'm very sick. I was blaming it all on my H and didn't even consider it could something else.  So I had been going back they gym and laughing again but I had to stop bc I'm sick...again/still. 

Hi MarieH, 

How are you coping at the moment just wanted to quote and ask you how long it took your tonsilitis to settle. I was diagnosed with ghsv2 been feeling really down..even suicidal.. was getting better then bam. A really bad case of tonsilitis or throat infection hit me a week ago and I'm still suffering... apart from being nauseated and tired every day..  the throat seems to be getting better.. but I'm just wondering why I got the throat infection.. I never had one for about a decade almost feel like.. 

Thanks 

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