Those who were infected because of an irresponsible partner.

[Disgusted]

I want to hear from people who were cheated on and caught it or were infected by a person who knew but didn't disclose. How do you deal? 

 

I am really struggling with the unfairness if it. The decision to put my body at risk was made for me and I am really angry. If this was of my own doing, I don't  think I would be struggling this much.

[New2GH]

@Disgusted, I hope people chime in here.  I think it is important that for those that are considering (or have already gone) the non-disclosure route to understand the effect it has on people such as yourself and many others that were not given a choice.  Seems that lately people are trying their hardest to justify not disclosing and even hoping that others will root them on.  I may or may not have been infected by someone who knew, but the more I read posts here, the more I think how likely that could be the case.  You are definitely justified and entitled to feel the way that you feel.  Hopefully someone has some good advice on how to deal 🙂.

[Disgusted]

1 hour ago, New2GH said:

@Disgusted, I hope people chime in here.  I think it is important that for those that are considering (or have already gone) the non-disclosure route to understand the effect it has on people such as yourself and many others that were not given a choice.  Seems that lately people are trying their hardest to justify not disclosing and even hoping that others will root them on.  I may or may not have been infected by someone who knew, but the more I read posts here, the more I think how likely that could be the case.  You are definitely justified and entitled to feel the way that you feel.  Hopefully someone has some good advice on how to deal 🙂.

There are actually people advocating non-disclosure? That is despicable. I feel like a lot of people have convinced themselves that herpes isn't a big deal. I see people minimizing herpes all the time  Referring to it as "just a rash"" amongst other ridiculous thing. It is as if they feel herpes is as insignificant as the common cold. I can see why some would feel it's okay to put others are risk or God forbid infect people, when they have this attitude.

[My_dog_is_hungry]

I THINK I was infected by someone who knew, or at least thought it was a possibility but didn't get tested.

I decided early on not to play the blame game because it leads to absolutely nowhere. I didn't want to feel anger or resentment, I just wanted to accept my new situation.

Though I am philosophical about it, I would NEVER go down the non-disclosure road. In my opinion it's tantamount to assault to knowingly put someone's health at risk.

[blurneworder]

I was infected by someone who thought they had it, but was too scared to get tested. They admitted this to me after we were intimate many times. Almost as soon as they told me this, I started having outbreaks that are still unexplained by my doctors to this day.

I asked what their supposed symptoms were, and their description led me to believe they have asymptotic symptoms of HSV.

[organicmama]

I was infected by my son's father. I asked him if he was sleeping around and if he had been tested. He told me no and yes, he was tested and it came back negative. Both of those were lies. How do I deal with it? I go to therapy, church, focus on myself on my son, and try really hard not to get into a dark place with him. I cannot even look at him. I have cut him out of our lives. If you are the kind of person who is selfish enough to not disclose and ruin my body image and health - what else are you capable of doing? It's DESPICABLE.  You have every right to be angry. 

[Amando]

I was dating the girl for a year who infected  me, she did not say a thing at all.

I spent most the year trying to break up with her but somehow she always seemed to manipulate me
enough to keep it going.
Near the end, I broke up with her for a couple of weeks (she would still text & call me) then got back again (big mistake)

Now I don't know if she had it all along or in those 2 weeks she may of slept with someone & got it, as she was that needy!
I contracted a couple of weeks later, I had actually finished with her for good when it showed up.

I didn't make a big thing though when I got it, didn't think it was that big deal, I had some conversations
with the girl after & she even had the cheek to say I gave her it, but we both knew she was lying.

I didn't even go mad at her, as I thought what's the point!

Having H only bothered me after a more recent rejection but hey that's life, I move on 🙂

 

[Ohhey143]

I slept with my now brother in laws uncle. You would think it would have made him want to be a more honest man seeing as we may have to run into each other here and there. He says he doesn’t hve it but I know it’s a lie. He was the only one I slept with in the four months prior to getting H. At first I got the flu like symptoms and my blood test came up negative. The culture of the lesion is what came up positive. He never disclosed but he would continue having sex with me even if I said I had an outbreak. I know I sound nuts but going back and sleeping with him answered a lot of my questions. This man is going to infect all of my town bc he doesn’t disclose. He randomly messages me to make sure I’m keeping my mouth shut. People are whacked.

[Ms. Congeniality]

I think this is a HUGE topic in this discussion forum. I got H, I believe as well as my Dr., from my unfaithful ex. We were together for 2 1/2 years and I caught him cheating 2 times. While we were dating I was having vaginal discomfort, I assumed it was yeast infections. I continued to get otc medication to treat the ‘yeast infection’ every month right after my period. I got with my now boyfriend and had found a couple ulcers. I went and got tested, even though I already knew what it was. Tested positive for hvs2. She said it looks like I’d had it for a while, as it didn’t look like a primary OB. I told her about the ‘yeast infections’ and she and I just kind of looked at each other, and she said ‘yeah, those probably weren’t yeast infections’. It took me a while to get over it. I don’t believe my ex knew he had it. I wanted to go off on him for giving it to me, HOWEVER...I didn’t want him to know I had it(who knows who he’d tell) and ultimately it wouldn’t change a thing. I’ve found peace with it.

im still with my boyfriend, who was with me when I found out. And I’ve recently transmitted to him. That was harder than dealing with my own diagnosis. I don’t agree with the non-disclosure movement one bit. I’d do anything to not have to deal with a disease with such a terrible stigma. Having to bite my tongue and hold back tears when friends joke about herpes is the hardest part at this point. 

[TequilaGirl]

I'm curious about how people find out the truth?  (If they partner cheated on or if theu knew they had H and didn't disclose)

Y first and only partner gave me this and in the middle of a long term relationship makes me think about a lot of stuff....

[Findingmyself]

I found out and made the hardest phone call. I let the person know that gave it to me my results and asked him if he knew if he was ever exposed. At first he didn’t want to admit it. A few minutes into the call, he actually did come clean and tell me that he knew he got it 15 years ago. He didn’t tell me and by taking away my right to conscent I felt like I actually had something taken from me. I was very upset and there were days when I couldn’t even get out of bed. I cried. A lot. I went through the stages of grief within a week or so. Now I’m in acceptance and it’s just something that I’m learning to live with. This forum has brought me to this point for sure. I only told the person who gave it to me, my best friend (a nurse), and a guy that I was seeing who rejected me after. I’m trying to focus on getting well and being alone for awhile. I feel like it’s good for me to mentally recoup. Everything is going to be alright. We all are going to be alright. 

[Findingmyself]

I knew that mine was a new infection because I hadn’t had sex with anyone in over 3 years. I started to get symptoms a few days after sexual contact with him. The blister appeared and soon became a cluster. I went to the doctor and they did blood and a culture of the blister. The blood labs came back pos for HSV1 and not 2. The culture came back HSV2. The symptoms were strong and painful. It was absolutely him that gave it to me. The shock value of hearing that I have not just 1 strain but both was kind of unreal at first. It is what it is and I’m learning to live with it. All I can do is move forward and learn about the virus. I will absolutely always disclose it to any sexual partners for the rest of my life. 

[Michgirl73]

My ex gave it to me and knew he had it and never told me. I think he knew I would of questioned him about it. I knew I got it from him because I hadn’t been with anyone in awhile and we got back together after we had been apart for almost a year and half. I got sick within the time frame with all the symptoms right after. It was devastating to me he acted like it was nothing and said sorry. Shortly after that he dumped me and promised me we would going to be together and work with virus. I go to therapy now I’m on suppressive therapy and I take supplements my life has changed forever. It’s been one most hardest things I have had to go through and I have been scared. I have family and friends that are supportive but I have try not to let it get to me. I haven’t dated yet so I’m sure that will be hard because of the rejection I still have face. It sucks and I just wish it wouldn’t of happened I have blamed myself for believing someone that I thought cared and loved me. 

[Dreamer07]

@Disgusted

I contracted GHSV1 from my current boyfriend. When I found out and started having symptoms, I told him and his response was, he gets cold sores. (I didn’t know that) He seemed to not be worried about it at all, which made me very suspicious.

He had a sore on his lip 2 years ago, but he never once said it was H. I thought he burst his lip or something. Never did H cross my mind. He told me his parents said to him as long as he stays away during an outbreak then I would be okay. (This was 2 years ago) he recently told me they had that conversation. I just started having symptoms in September this year 2018.

 

This tells me that he knew he had it, but I can’t really say if he knew I could get it or not. Or if he knowingly or unknowingly put me at risk. The other thing that makes me suspicious is that because he has OHSV1 and I have GHSV 1, I would think he would want to follow precautions not to get it genitally, but he seems to not care and still wants to have unprotected sex with me. Its been 1 month since I found out and I’m not even ready for sex.

I’ve noticed a bump on his penis before, but I didn’t think H, when I asked him about it, he said, I don’t know it just shows up and goes away. 

I’m suspicious that he really has both GHSV and OHSV and I’m suspicious that he has known this for years, but didn’t tell me.

[Kitzia]

When I first found out I was trying to blame everyone but myself. The thing is I got diagnosed with H after having unprotected sex on the first date with a guy that I didn’t know. He could have given it to me or I could have been asymptotic (or however you spell that). I just know that whoever gave it to either of us did not disclose and as a result we will have to deal with this for the rest of our lives.

I strive to not be the person that does not disclose and infects others without them knowing. But then again, I will probably never have unprotected one night stands. I will probably never have sex again without having a mature conversation about my sexual health and my partners.