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I just found out and I’m so alone and afraid

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I just found out I have HSV1 and HSV2. HSV1 was through blood, the other was a blister that was cultured on a slide. I know I just got 2 from this person who used me on so many levels. I’m a single mom. I was alone for 3 years, and decided to try and put myself back out there. I tried a regular dating site and thought I met a great guy. The short version of this story is that I wasn’t the only one he was seeing from that site. I had unprotected sex with him and I thought I was pregnant. I felt cramping, headaches, heat flashes, and then the blister came out. This all happened like 4 days after sex with him. I thought I had an awful UTI because the burning was so bad. I went into an urgent care and they only tested me for pregnancy. Days later, another small cluster of blisters appeared. They hurt like hell. I followed up with my other doctor. She looked, did the slide and blood work and confirmed it is herpes. The phone call to him was awful. I called to tell him. Because I actually thought I was pregnant initially, he ran off, changed his phone number, and when I told him I would raise it by myself, he even threatened me with a lawyer. None of it made sense. I was hurt beyond belief. After telling him that I had it, he acted played like he didn’t know what it was and toward the end of the call, he finally came clean and said it was most likely that I did catch it from him. He confessed that he knew he was exposed for at least 15 years. I was ferious beyond belief because he gave me a virus that he knew he had. He is sleeping around with multiple women on dating web sites and I don’t think he’s telling any of them. I live on a small island by the way. He just moved out here. He bought a wedding business and is running around like he’s the bachelor. Now I feel like I’m always going to be alone. I was dating someone else and since I told him, he rejected me. He actually has a rare disease himself. He has someone called alph1 antitrypsyn disorder. It causes his lung to collapse and he can die from it. He is treating me like I need to be in a quarantine. Not disclosing this to someone is just wrong. I feel like part of me was taken. I don’t want to be alone. This all feels surreal. 

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The craziest thing about HSV is how bad it feels to be diagnosed and how overwhelming it feels, versus how the vast majority of people with it feel about having it even just a year later. First, your symptoms are going to get way less frequent and painful. Second, you are going to find that there are lots of people who will react to disclosure with an open mind and a kind heart, and you will find love again. I know it feels like the world is falling apart right now, we've all been there, but it's not going to feel like that forever. 

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Thank you for your kind words. It’s scary and has left me with an overwhelming state of emotions. It’s has also mad me feel more grateful in a way. I feel lucky that it’s not HIV or Hep C. It could of been something more serious. Just like me that everything changed. It really does just take 1 time. I’m going to keep hanging on to hope that someone somewhere out there is still the one for me and this won’t matter in the long run. 

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Thanks, but they aren't "kind words" they're the truth. The truth is that this will be a painful transition, but that before long you will look back at the agony of the early stages after diagnosis and think you were naive to feel so upset. This isn't going to change your life much.

Here's a thread you should check out: 


Also, I'm going to post a couple more links below, but they weil need to be approved by a mod, so they might not pop up right away.

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