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Herpes for years and didnt know

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I am a 28 yr old female and i recently went to the gyno for a yeast infection and found out i have herpes. I am scared to death of telling the person i have now been seeing for a year of the results because im afraid of how he will react. We have discussed the topic of STI's several times and often he has mentioned his fear of STI's specifically mentioning Herpes and how he would leave someone if he found out they had it. Luckily because ive discussed my HPV status which causes cervical cancer with him we have used condoms for every sexual encounter for the past year now except for one time. I showed him a copy of my test results in October of 2017 when i met him however i was never tested for Herpes and when he was tested he showed me his herpes results which were negative so i assumed i was good and there was no need to. Im literally shocked and terrified of disclosing. I know this man will not handle this well. EVerything inside me wants to just tell him we should  be friends and keep it as friends and not say a word. Please help im not sure how to move forward.

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Hi xxavier098

I'm sorry that you recently found out you have the virus.

Yours is an unfortunate situation, that you already know that this guy has expressed his big fear of STI's,
but then I guess we all feel like that, if asked we all would say we fear getting any form of them,
so if you tell him, you may be surprised & he may accept it, as he has invested a year with you & may love you enough
for it not to be a problem.
It is hard to disclose, especially the first time but you probably know deep down that its the right thing to do.

Just being friends is not the answer as he may even have it now, so you should let him know.
As he was tested basically a year ago, the time you have been together, he probably should be tested again.

I get your dilemma, it is tricky, we have all been there.

I wish you the best of luck, whatever you decide to do, hugs!

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Average of transmission risk is 2%?? But in your case of having it for years and no symptoms/outbreaks at all, I would guess it is probably super low... 

Don’t worry or be anxious, because when you do you are increasing the transmission odd. ( your body produces certain materials/chemicals which are the feeds for virus growing).

Stay positive and make no big deal of it in your deep heart, you may never pass. 

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You are demonizing yourself here... you didn't do anything wrong. You told him you were clean because you thought you were, right? Doctors don't test for herpes workout specifically being asked... did you tell him you tested for it but not? If so,  you were wrong but as wrong as most of the population. Don't give up on your relationship and have the talk with him.. if you can't have this conversation with someone who loves loves loves you then who can you have it with? It probably won't fair well if you come to the convo with this attitude... you'll have to put on some optimism.. empathy.. and come informed. Remember the last time you came to him with something that was shaking your world? Come to him that same way this time? And if you can't recall a time you did and don't think you could, then maybe he's just not right for you anyway? Good luck

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Yeah even with the whole hpv situation he’s had a hard time dealing with and when i tried to educate him about it he was extremely unsupportive which made me feel like he wasn’t for me already...i have a hard time believing he will be accepting of this ...he’s made very ignorant comments while we were together about herpes in the past 


I’m extremely heartbroken this wasn’t my fault and because of something so minor i have to let someone go ...i think I’m going to have to walk away from this. I told him i was clean because i believed i was but what if he thinks i lied to him or cheated. He knows a lot of people within my social circle as well and don’t want him to talk. In the past i got tested for herpes but this was over 3 yrs ago i never thought i had to since i didn’t have any symptoms. I also was celibate for almost two years before i met him 😞 definitely unfair 

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Once you tell people and educate them, if they are decent people they are accepting. Whether they want to date you or continue dating you is up to them. The more educated you can be on the subject the better so you can educate them. It sounds like he’s just ignorant on the subject. Just like racism, fear comes from ignorance. It sounds like he’s not the right guy for you anyway. I’m sure he knows people who get coldsores. Guess what buddy they have herpes. I have had minor genital symptoms and similarly may have had it for years and had no idea. I recently showed two people I’ve been with a photo of my symptoms after being diagnosed with hsv2 and they were like...that’s it? Seriously? 

Everyone has this idea that herpes is this horrifying infection that takes over your genitals (and in some cases it might be) and no one wants that to happen to them. The word ‘herpes’ itself is gross, the term ‘diagnosed’ is scary. Google herpes and it’s a horror show, when the reality is much different. Just tell the guy. His reaction will tell you if he’s the right guy for you.

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