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I have a sad story

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So - I suspect I am a serious old-timer on this site. I got herpes from my second boyfriend when I was 21 years old, in 1979. 39 years. During that time I had several relationships, and then a 22-year marriage which produced two children, now grown. My ex and I split up (because he was a transgender woman, which is another story). I’ve been single for almost five years.

Dating after 50 isn’t so easy; in fact, I had at least temporarily given up on meeting anyone until I clicked with someone I met at a bar last April. 

And we really hit it off, and it was great. As we moved (quickly) towards intimacy , I had The Talk with him. He accepted it, did some research, and we moved on. For various reasons, our activities were mostly limited to oral sex. We really enjoyed each other, in and out of bed. It was wonderful.

And then one night in early September, we succeeded (briefly) in having intercourse. He wasn’t wearing a condom, because it was unexpected. I was definitely not having an outbreak. I was SO careful. All seemed great.

Two weeks later, he dumped me. He told me that the “herpes thing” had always bothered him (“it was like a shadow” he said, and “I knew if I ever got it, I’d be really mad at you”) - after more than 4 months of sexual activity. Then he walked away. I was shocked, and as hurt as I’ve ever been.

I wonder if he thought he contracted it and thought this was the nicest way to drop me (which makes him an idiot, IMO). I wonder if he really did get it, and again, thought this was nicer than being honest with me. Or was he just lying? 

I don’t see how he could have gotten it from me - I was on Valtrex and I was very careful as I said, and I had no outbreaks when we were together. And just oral sex, mostly. (Also, I have never given it to anybody to my knowledge, including my husband.)

Sorry for the length, I probably sound crazy. But this really shook me up. 

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Hi Pghab@

Sorry to hear your sad story!

It seems pretty common from reading on here & my experience, that some people seem to accept being told but then
process it over time & change there mind.
The time scale often seems to be 2 weeks after being told but yours went on for longer.

Yes it hurts a lot & does shake you up, I went through a very painful one in May of this year too.
There's no point of torturing yourself with why they changed & left, I done that, & it gets you no where.
The person just couldn't deal with the herpes thing, that's the truth of it!

But that's his loss, he obviously wasn't good enough for you 🙂

Be strong, keep going & never ever give up, big hugs!


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