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Herpes and Rage


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I have had Herpes for 28 years. 

I was infected by a sexual assault when I was a teenager. I did not have very many outbreaks after my first horrendous one until my late 30's and I went into early menopause. I had an outbreak every month, even with medication. This has stopped now for 2 years as I have been on HRT, and it was like it just went. Just completely went. 

Until a few days ago. I felt like I was getting the flu, I couldn't navigate the supermarket, my vision was odd, my legs hurt. I was.. itchy.. all over. I had to stay in bed, and it didn't click until this morning when I had such swollen lymph nodes in the groin I couldn't walk properly. Then came the blisters, the shooting pains in my legs. And then shame. All the fucking shame. And the lie that you only get these symptoms the first time is just that, a lie. It is dreadful. 

I only joined this forum to vent my black rage at getting this infection. It's not fair, I didn't choose it, I didn't even have fun getting it. I hate the reminder, I hate the pain, I hate that I am losing 2 days of work because this virus has come back with all it's black, shitty, painful symptoms. I feel so rageful and tearful tonight I just want to scream. And cry. 

I have no words of hope, none. It's a terrible disease, and I hate it. 

 

 

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@Lelianney Wow your story breaks my heart.  Herpes definitely has it out more for some than others.  It definitely had it out for me and since my diagnosis almost a year ago it has been a hell of a ride.  You are definitely justified and entitled to vent and be heard.  I hope that someone with a more similar experience to yours will chime in with perhaps some words of encouragement for whatever that's worth.  Sometimes just letting it out helps, and I hope you felt at least a little better after you clicked submit.  

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4 hours ago, Lelianney said:

I have had Herpes for 28 years. 

I was infected by a sexual assault when I was a teenager. I did not have very many outbreaks after my first horrendous one until my late 30's and I went into early menopause. I had an outbreak every month, even with medication. This has stopped now for 2 years as I have been on HRT, and it was like it just went. Just completely went. 

Until a few days ago. I felt like I was getting the flu, I couldn't navigate the supermarket, my vision was odd, my legs hurt. I was.. itchy.. all over. I had to stay in bed, and it didn't click until this morning when I had such swollen lymph nodes in the groin I couldn't walk properly. Then came the blisters, the shooting pains in my legs. And then shame. All the fucking shame. And the lie that you only get these symptoms the first time is just that, a lie. It is dreadful. 

I only joined this forum to vent my black rage at getting this infection. It's not fair, I didn't choose it, I didn't even have fun getting it. I hate the reminder, I hate the pain, I hate that I am losing 2 days of work because this virus has come back with all it's black, shitty, painful symptoms. I feel so rageful and tearful tonight I just want to scream. And cry. 

I have no words of hope, none. It's a terrible disease, and I hate it. 

 

 

Sorry to hear about your situation; that sounds pretty horrific. Have you spoken to a doctor since this most recent outbreak? I wonder if it could be connected to something like an infection that is weakening your immune system that is suddenly making you vulnerable to the virus again. If so, maybe there is something that they can do about it. After reading your post, I just read about early menopause, and it says ("it" being my two second hasty google search) that one of the potential causes of early menopause is autoimmune dysfunction, which might also be a root cause of your HSV resurgence. Do you have access to medical professionals who can give you any insight or way forward with this situation?

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