when and how to talk about it

[Tryingeveryday]

Hello everyone I’m new to the group and I’m just curious how people deal with telling partners or potential people you have interests with for a relationship? How do you talk about it or prepare yourself for their response? I contracted the disease from my rapists. How do you tell someone this? Looking forward to advice please 

[MarieH]

well first of all let me tell you I'm sorry that you had to go through sexual assault. No one should have to know what that feels like. 

As for your question: I am seeing someone right now who is very sweet, I told him I wanted to wait and he is agreeable. What I was going to do was wait a few weeks then just tell him. Not have sex of course . I was planning on explaining how it transmits and tell him to get tested to see if he is a carrier. If he is clean then I'll just say: 'I understand if you dont want to risk it, I won't be mad at you" honesty is where it's at. I think when you tell is case by case. there was someone I told right away and with this guy I'm waiting. If someone isn't willing to wait for sex there's a good chance their not going to care about you enough as a human to look past H. 

It has made me change how I relate to dating now. It's I think a good change. weeds out the people who don't care about me. of course I wish i didn't have to deal with this at all. but of course we can't undo HSV, just work around it

 

[Tryingeveryday]

MarieH thank you for your words. That helps me more than you can imagine. I just felt like my life was over and undesirable. I figured there has to be people like me that are going thru the same issues. I’m glad I found this sight. My area doesn’t have any support groups. Thank you again😊

[MarieH]

this site saved my mind. I was in the thows of a mental break down when I found it. Wasn't even eating. Hearing about and talking to others has made me feel so supported. Made it easier to open up the real people in my life for support. You would be amazed how the people who love you step up to help you. This whole thing has shown me what wonderful support people I have in my life. 

bc of this site and the confidence it gave me I am actually happy again. I feel beautiful again. I'm not the same as I was before, prob never again but that's not all a bad thing. It has humbled me, made me more understanding out other people's flaws

[Tryingeveryday]

There is only one person in my life who knows and that is my best friend of 20 years. She was there the day I got my results. I don’t know how to tell my family. Yes what happened to me was in no way shape or form my fault but I have to live my life with something that was forced on me. I know they would understand but the part that makes me so scared is saying it out loud.