“Just a skin condx” < NOT

[_a_rayofsunshine_]

My pet peeve is people saying that herpes is “just a skin condition”. I mean, if that falsehood helps YOU to cope then so be it, but stop spreading false information to the masses. Eczema is just a skin condition. Acne is just a skin condition. Herpes is deeper than the skin, literally. It incubates at the base of our spines, affects our nervous system, can become a serious illness, affects people in many different ways from least to absolutely worse! Most & many skin conditions are treated, cured, & go away. Herpes is always with us, whether it’s rearing its ugly head or not. Herpes IS a big deal. Yes, you should disclose but don’t try to sugarcoat it to be what it’s truly not, a skin condition. 

 

Thanks

[Ishmael]

For most people that have HSV, it's less than a skin condition as they don't even have symptoms that they particularly notice or care about in the same way that they do with eczema or acne. I've had acne, eczema and hsv over the course of my life, and by far the one that has affected me physically the least is hsv. It has been, however, the most stigmatizing and psychologically traumatic, mostly because of people insisting that it be perceived as a big deal. If your lived reality is different, then it's fine to acknowledge your experience and your truth, but I'm not convinced that something that affects 80% of the population and most people don't even realize they have is actually a big deal, at least not in a general sense. I also think that the common take on herpes is overly dramatic, not one that undersells its effects. In fact, most people are absolutely terrified of it. I agree that you should be upfront about potential complications of the virus with partners though, and that includes the possibility that they will experience severe outbreaks and other, also potentially severe, complications. Men should be sure to that their partners are also aware of problems that could happen in relation to childbirth.

 

[cantgetoverthis]

Preach it!!!!!!! I hate saying it’s just a ‘skin condition’ but that’s what we learn to say it is to make us all feel better, but you’re right, and I think that’s really what keeps me sad.  Because this will never ever ever go away. It’s stuck with us forever and that is what I hate. No one wants this, and the ones who joke about people having it or should have it... never do. This sucks

[Disgusted]

The constant minimization of herpes makes me angry.

[Sumshine]

I've had hvs2 for almost 40 years. I rarely ever think about it. I have never had a negative disclosure. I've only had to disclose a few times and ended up with a lifetime partner who could care less about herpes and has never acquired it from me. I NEVER made it a big deal because, for me, it's not!!! I have hvs 2. Yes, I had lots of ob's in the first couple of years. In time, they have all but stopped.   It has not kept me from doing one thing in my life! I have a great career, spouse, family and life long friends. Have traveled the world. I've had a great sex life and have never passed this on. So, for me.....it's a very tiny, tiny part of my life.

[Anonymous88]

Thanks Sumshine for your message. It makes me feel a bit more at comfort to know that the outbreaks will get less. I am in my first year and had one after the other at the beginning then I went on suppresive therapy and felt much better as I wasn't getting any outbreaks so felt like I could get on with life and feeling more like me again until 3 months later I get an outbreak that is lasting a week at the moment. Although it is much milder than previous ones it just has sent me feeling a bit crap again panicking now that even daily meds can't stop them completely and that I will be having these several times a year which will then stop me having the chance of a intimate relationship 😞

[PhillyChick]

everyone has their opinion on this, which is to be respected, but i truly believe that your attitude and perception shapes your reality. for me, HSV2 IS just a skin condition and it has had absolutely NO bearing on my life. it does not define me, and i dont even think or worry about it. i'm a 40+ year old woman and it hasnt stopped me from dating or enjoying life. all of my disclosures have been successful. to me, it is not a curse or something to be ashamed of. as a matter of fact, ever since i was diagnosed my dating life has been so much better, because starting out a relationship in the spirit of honesty and authenticity is attractive...at least that's what the men i've disclosed to said! 

again, i cant speak for others' reality, but trust and believe. for me, HSV2 is simply that: a skin condition and everyone who i have ever disclosed to views it the exact same way. 

 

[PhillyChick]

On 10/31/2018 at 8:34 PM, Sumshine said:

I've had hvs2 for almost 40 years. I rarely ever think about it. I have never had a negative disclosure. I've only had to disclose a few times and ended up with a lifetime partner who could care less about herpes and has never acquired it from me. I NEVER made it a big deal because, for me, it's not!!! I have hvs 2. Yes, I had lots of ob's in the first couple of years. In time, they have all but stopped.   It has not kept me from doing one thing in my life! I have a great career, spouse, family and life long friends. Have traveled the world. I've had a great sex life and have never passed this on. So, for me.....it's a very tiny, tiny part of my life.

@Sumshine I co-sign this 110%!!! #TRUTH

[Anonymous88]

@PhillyChick I am so happy for you that life has worked out great and hasn't affected it but I am afraid it isn't that easy for all and feels way more than a skin condition. It is for me a pain in my life. My first outbreak was horrendous that it effected my work as I couldn't walk,was in extreme amount of pain,I raise my son completely on my own so could barely look after him and take him to school,couldn't walk our dog,had the ambulance round because I had a fit as my body couldn't take the severe pain I was in all that from just one blister.

I have since then had 9 outbreaks in the space of 5 months one after another, now on supressive therapy and had a few months of feeling back to myself again until bam another outbreak that has lasted now for over a week and still not gone. I was open with someone 7 years older than me who said I really like you but you having a std that there is no cure for has put me off you and with some other stuff he said it made me feel like I was a walking death sentence and that if I was to date I should be on a std app to just date/relationship with someone else who has a lifetime std. 

I know what your saying that yes it is a skin condition but the fact is there is no cure and to this day the doctors don't test for it so people who don't have outbreaks can live their life freely but pass it on to people that then have to suffer who do. I am on medication that has to be taken by clock work now to try ease the outbreaks and I now have to disclose to any one I get intimate to do the right thing.

[PhillyChick]

@Anonymous88 i am so sorry to hear that you've had such a rough go of it. i can appreciate the difficulty. i'm hopeful that over time this calms down for you and that you are able to meet someone special! sending positive vibes your way! 

[Victory_in_Defeat]

I believe the OP in this case is absolutely right. Herpes is not just a skin condition, it's a virus. Despite it being a life long condition, the worst thing about herpes, by far, is the fact that it is contagious. Imagine for a moment that herpes wasn't contagious. Given, if that were the case, none of use would have it, but if there was ZERO risk that we could pass this along, the vast majority of people wouldn't care who had it and who didn't. Sure herpes would be unsightly during outbreaks, but then again so is Acne. And yet, there is no danger of passing Acne to another individual.

It's like being the kid on the playground with lice. Every other kid has been told to avoid the kids with lice. Unfortunately, herpes can't be cured by using medicated shampoo.

It's a natural human reaction to not want to put one's self in danger. With herpes being a life sentence, nobody in their right mind would willingly accept herpes as part of their life. With that said, what's done is done. We're all here because of our or someone else's choices. How we choose to deal with this, is our own choice. Being honest and disclosing our condition to another person is hard, but being honest and squaring the fact with yourself, seems to be even harder.

[Anonymous88]

@Victory_in_Defeat Thanks so much for your response as I agreed with everything you put and thought you compared it so well with regards to a kid who has nits, did make me laugh but at same time I definitely see what you mean. 

[Anonymous88]

@PhillyChick Did you find that you were having so many outbreaks at the beginning and are you on suppressive therapy? I am finding it hard having to constantly keep an eye on time everyday to take x3 acyclovir at the exact time daily to try minimise the pain and outbreaks as a whole.

[PhillyChick]

@Anonymous88 i have been fortunate in that no i have not had many outbreaks. also, i can tell when one might be about to happen because of the prodrome symptoms, so then i immediately start taking valtrex for a week, and that seems to stop it from becoming a full outbreak. when i am in a relationship with a H- partner, then yes i go on suppressive therapy. 

[Anonymous88]

So jealous as I think if I rarely had an outbreak it wouldn't be such a bother to me 😔 I can see now why you're much more positive and have no problem with dating as you rarely get one. I can't have a relationship with the amount I am getting,if I was to meet someone and be in a relationship and be honest with them by saying I am a carrier of herpes and get quite a lot of outbreaks so won't be able to be intimate that much its not really sounding great is it.

[Ishmael]

22 hours ago, Victory_in_Defeat said:

Herpes is not just a skin condition, it's a virus.

Warts are also the result of a virus. They are also a skin condition. Those are not mutually exclusive terms.

[Ishmael]

23 hours ago, Victory_in_Defeat said:

With herpes being a life sentence, nobody in their right mind would willingly accept herpes as part of their life. 

I think that not only will you find that lots of people in their right mind have accepted it, but that those that have are mentally healthier than those that haven't. 

[Victory_in_Defeat]

@Ishmael I appreciate the responses. Judging from your posts I can tell you're someone who has had to deal with many things over the course of your life. That wisdom is not lost on me, and I am more than willing to accept advice from someone such as yourself.

With that said, I feel that you may have missed the point of my response.

14 minutes ago, Ishmael said:

Warts are also the result of a virus. They are also a skin condition. Those are not mutually exclusive terms.

This is true. However, this website was intended to aid those experiencing one or more strains of the Herpes Simplex Virus; that is not to say that we do not offer support to anyone experiencing any other condition. Regardless of that fact, whether it be HSV1/2 or HPV, these are viruses, not skin conditions. Herpes and its effects are not isolated to your skin, it does not lay dormant in your skin, and most of all, unlike actual skin conditions, it is contagious. You can not downplay a contagious virus by just saying "Oh since it only visibly appears on your skin and is transmitted via skin to skin contact, it's a skin condition".

 

28 minutes ago, Ishmael said:

I think that not only will you find that lots of people in their right mind have accepted it, but that those that have are mentally healthier than those that haven't. 

There was a part of my statement that was implied, but not explicitly stated, given it was poorly worded. What I meant in my statement is that none of us would ask to be infected with HSV1/2. None of us would even want to encounter the virus if given the choice. There are those who were exposed to this virus by a spouse, meaning there was already stability and commitment involved. Others were exposed by someone they cared about deeply and accepted the risks. However, there are those of us that had no such ties to our "giver", and were left with absolutely nothing after the encounter except a contagious virus that we could now spread to the rest of the world. That fact is something we have to accept, because we are given no other alternative. Accepting the virus itself however, is a different matter entirely.

[PhillyChick]

21 hours ago, Anonymous88 said:

So jealous as I think if I rarely had an outbreak it wouldn't be such a bother to me 😔 I can see now why you're much more positive and have no problem with dating as you rarely get one. I can't have a relationship with the amount I am getting,if I was to meet someone and be in a relationship and be honest with them by saying I am a carrier of herpes and get quite a lot of outbreaks so won't be able to be intimate that much its not really sounding great is it.

i totally understand your position. i'm hopeful that what you are experiencing is temporary. one of my friends has had herpes for over 20 years and when he was first diagnosed, he had very painful, frequent outbreaks like what you described. this sounds very "woo woo" but what helped him was his mindset. since stress can trigger outbreaks, he started becoming more in-tune with his body. he started yoga and meditation. over time, after taking better care of his physical and mental health, his outbreaks subsided. he hasnt had one in years.

please understand, i am not trying to minimize what you are going through. my heart aches to hear of your struggle. but maybe trying a more holistic approach would help? it definitely helped me and helped my friend.

sending you peace and love from philly! 🤗

[Anonymous88]

@PhillyChick Thank you for your message. I do try my hardest to not stress and try not over do it and take some relaxing time for me like have a hot bath each evening but I feel as soon as I do feel so much better and positive I am then hit with another one and feel defeated. That's good to hear but can I ask roughly how many years into it that you then start to rarely have an outbreak? It's just I am only 30 and worry I then have to wait 20 years for me to have less or no outbreaks and then by that time I will be 50 so the good sex life whilst I'm young is gonna be crap till I am older and probably going through the menopause to bring the outbreaks all on again lol! 

[Anonymous88]

I suppose I have got to stop worrying about the future and focus on the now but its easy said when I have always been a worrier. Thank you @PhillyChick for your advice x

[PhillyChick]

9 hours ago, Anonymous88 said:

I suppose I have got to stop worrying about the future and focus on the now but its easy said when I have always been a worrier. Thank you @PhillyChick for your advice x

 

22 hours ago, Anonymous88 said:

@PhillyChick Thank you for your message. I do try my hardest to not stress and try not over do it and take some relaxing time for me like have a hot bath each evening but I feel as soon as I do feel so much better and positive I am then hit with another one and feel defeated. That's good to hear but can I ask roughly how many years into it that you then start to rarely have an outbreak? It's just I am only 30 and worry I then have to wait 20 years for me to have less or no outbreaks and then by that time I will be 50 so the good sex life whilst I'm young is gonna be crap till I am older and probably going through the menopause to bring the outbreaks all on again lol! 

@Anonymous88 everyone is different, but i believe my friend's outbreaks started calming down after a year or so. 

so you won't have to wait 20 years to get in a relationship or have good sex lol! and who knows, you may meet a guy that is OK with you having herpes, or even better, meet a guy who does have it, so he will understand. and sex at ANY age is awesome. im having better sex in my 40s with herpes than i was in my 20s and 30s when i didnt have it LOL

so try not to worry and stress. that will only make things worse. take it one day at a time (easier said then done, i know)

🤗