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Girlfriend has hsv-2 and doesn't take daily antivirals


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Hi,

We've been dating for a month or 2, and my girlfriend told me she had hsv-2 on her genitals when we started having sex.

I think I am globally okay with the risks. I went to get tested and I still test negative to every STDs including hsv-1 and hsv-2. I asked them what to do to minimize risks beside using condoms, and they told me taking daily suppressive antivirals helps reducing transmission odds in a significant manner. I've asked my girlfriend if she does and she told she doesn't take them. I've asked her if she can ask her doctor about them. She did, and her doctor says because she has only a couple of outbreaks / year, taking daily antivirals is not a good idea as it might mess up her immune system while not really impacting transmission risks.

Is that a common thing or a doctor is just bad? What you will be your advices?

Thanks!

PS: In Dallas, TX if that changes anything.

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That doctor is so full of shit to the point that I'm having a hard time believing an actual medical professional told that to your girlfriend. Also, she told you when you started having sex? As in before the first time? If not, be careful with what this person tells you NevadaBoy, because it is not okay to start having sex with someone before disclosing that you have genital herpes outbreaks.

Taking antivirals does not "mess up your immune system" and is absolutely recommended by healthcare professionals as a way to reduce transmission to your partner. There are lots and lots of studies on this. Here's one: 

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15319087
 

Here's another: https://www.medscape.org/viewarticle/472427_2

Although the use of chronic, daily antiviral therapy has been shown for nearly 2 decades to reduce the frequency of clinical reactivation of genital herpes infections, only more recently has it been shown that daily antiviral therapy also reduces the frequency of subclinical reactivations and the amount of HSV-2 that is shed, subclinically, on genital mucosal surfaces, the principal source of transmitted infections.[17,18] These effects provided the rationale for a large multicenter study that demonstrated the effectiveness of once-daily valacyclovir therapy in reducing the risk of sexual transmission of genital herpes.[19]


If I were you, I would ask that you go to an expert together, as a couple, to discuss how to lessen the chances of transmission. In other words, don't take this person's word for it that doctors are telling her not to take antivirals to stop transmission and that it won't reduce transmission. THAT IS NOT TRUE. Either her doctor is incompetent or you are being lied to. 

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Thanks for the detailed answer Ishmael,

Yes, she told me just before having vaginal sex, but we were already naked and doing things - orals, rubbing each other genitals, and when I start running my genital against hers she then told me. I wish she had told me a bit sooner, but I can see being a hard talk.

I didn't knew it was such a clear cut. I guess the best course of action is to see another doctor for a 2nd opinion like you advise. I wish she didn't lie to me, I can see that being a bigger deal breaker for me than hsv-2 without antivirals itself.

 

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14 minutes ago, NevadaBoy said:

Thanks for the detailed answer Ishmael,

Yes, she told me just before having vaginal sex, but we were already naked and doing things - orals, rubbing each other genitals, and when I start running my genital against hers she then told me. I wish she had told me a bit sooner, but I can see being a hard talk.

I didn't knew it was such a clear cut. I guess the best course of action is to see another doctor for a 2nd opinion like you advise. I wish she didn't lie to me, I can see that being a bigger deal breaker for me than hsv-2 without antivirals itself.

 

Hi Nevadaboy- It’s an individuals choice on whether or not she decides to take antivirals and a choice you make together. If she doesn’t have many outbreaks she doesn’t necessarily have to be on antivirals. You have to be aware of the risks. No condoms or antivirals the risk of transmission from females to males is 4% without any protection, rate of transmission with condoms is 2%, risk of transmission with use of condoms and antivirals is 1%. The doctor she saw isn’t wrong. There are risks with any medication. Generally antivirals for herpes are safe but there can still be some long term risks. I choose not to take antivirals at this time. I took them for my initial outbreak but not ongoing. 

  • Like 2
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10 minutes ago, Elle27 said:

Hi Nevadaboy- It’s an individuals choice on whether or not she decides to take antivirals and a choice you make together. If she doesn’t have many outbreaks she doesn’t necessarily have to be on antivirals. You have to be aware of the risks. No condoms or antivirals the risk of transmission from females to males is 4% without any protection, rate of transmission with condoms is 2%, risk of transmission with use of condoms and antivirals is 1%. The doctor she saw isn’t wrong. There are risks with any medication. Generally antivirals for herpes are safe but there can still be some long term risks. I choose not to take antivirals at this time. I took them for my initial outbreak but not ongoing. 

Thanks for the answer Elle27, it's good to have a different opinion,

I see. I understand it's her choice. I think I am fine with the risks with or without antivirals. I was aware of these statistics. However, I rather her doctor or her explaining how the medics are far from being perfect than downplaying their impact on reducing transmission risks. I really hope she didn't just bend the truth because she didn't want to take the medics. I kind of like her.

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1 hour ago, Elle27 said:

Hi Nevadaboy- It’s an individuals choice on whether or not she decides to take antivirals and a choice you make together. If she doesn’t have many outbreaks she doesn’t necessarily have to be on antivirals. You have to be aware of the risks. No condoms or antivirals the risk of transmission from females to males is 4% without any protection, rate of transmission with condoms is 2%, risk of transmission with use of condoms and antivirals is 1%. The doctor she saw isn’t wrong. There are risks with any medication. Generally antivirals for herpes are safe but there can still be some long term risks. I choose not to take antivirals at this time. I took them for my initial outbreak but not ongoing. 

The doctor (allegedly) says that the chance of transmission to Nevadaboy won't be significantly reduced by antivirals because his partner doesn't have many outbreaks per year. That is absolutely incorrect. Although his partner will be less infectious if she has few outbreaks, his chances of transmission are still drastically reduced by antivirals. It also ignores the fact that most transmissions occur during asymptomatic shedding, not during outbreaks. I literally just posted a major study indicating that antivirals significantly reduce the amount of virus present during asymptomatic shedding and hence rates of transmission during subclinical outbreaks. 

As for it being an individual's choice and a choice they need to make together, of course it is. Nevadaboy should make that choice knowing that his chance of getting infected is going to be reduced by 50% or more by his partner taking antivirals. The idea that it won't has no empirical evidence supporting it whatsoever. If they choose to use antivirals or not, or condoms or not, then great. But being told that antivirals won't make a difference in this scenario is simply not true.

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1 hour ago, NevadaBoy said:

Thanks for the detailed answer Ishmael,

Yes, she told me just before having vaginal sex, but we were already naked and doing things - orals, rubbing each other genitals, and when I start running my genital against hers she then told me. I wish she had told me a bit sooner, but I can see being a hard talk.

I didn't knew it was such a clear cut. I guess the best course of action is to see another doctor for a 2nd opinion like you advise. I wish she didn't lie to me, I can see that being a bigger deal breaker for me than hsv-2 without antivirals itself.

 

I mean, that's not the ideal moment for disclosure, but disclosure is super difficult to do and she stopped and told you what was up before things progressed too far. I think that shows some fortitude on her part that is worthy of respect. As for her doctor or whatever, he might be a GP and not an expert on STIs, and he might have some old school ideas. Like is he even a gyno? It wasn't that long ago that people thought you couldn't transmit unless you had an outbreak. So my advice would be to go, together, to a sexual health clinic and set up an appointment with a counselor or a specialist to talk to you at the same time about what you can do together and what your options are. If that person's advice contradicts her doctor, don't just assume she was lying; she could have gotten bad advice. It happens every day. 

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On 11/1/2018 at 2:35 PM, NevadaBoy said:

I see, thanks for your guys feedback, it's still pretty confusing.

Just keep it simple. Whether she takes pharmaceuticals or vitamins, the risk is ALWAYS there to spread. I feel people like to have “hope” or sugarcoat to partners they won’t get it by including percentages of transmission but the simple way is to say it’s 50-50; you should hope for the best, but moreso expect to get it if you choose to have relations with someone who is H positive. I also don’t take antivirals because they don’t work & if you do a little reading on this site, the side effects aren’t great or what I would consider safe. Ppl who take them complain of more outbreaks than those who choose a holistic route, from my research.  

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On 10/31/2018 at 9:02 PM, NevadaBoy said:

Thanks for the detailed answer Ishmael,

Yes, she told me just before having vaginal sex, but we were already naked and doing things - orals, rubbing each other genitals, and when I start running my genital against hers she then told me. I wish she had told me a bit sooner, but I can see being a hard talk.

I didn't knew it was such a clear cut. I guess the best course of action is to see another doctor for a 2nd opinion like you advise. I wish she didn't lie to me, I can see that being a bigger deal breaker for me than hsv-2 without antivirals itself.

 

Glad to hear you would accepted her with virus.. it’s fear for a lot of us not knowing if someone will accept us because of this. It’s sad she waited until u guys were intimate verses given you the chance to understand it and then moving forward as a couple. I hope all works out for you guys.

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33 minutes ago, _a_rayofsunshine_ said:

 I also don’t take antivirals because they don’t work & if you do a little reading on this site, the side effects aren’t great or what I would consider safe. Ppl who take them complain of more outbreaks than those who choose a holistic route, from my research.  

What does your research entail and what are your data sets?

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On 11/1/2018 at 3:35 PM, NevadaBoy said:

I see, thanks for your guys feedback, it's still pretty confusing.

I can see how this might all be pretty confusing. This is pretty clear though: instead of getting medical advice from strangers on an internet forum; take your partner to a healthcare professional and get advice about transmission from them. The internet is a raging tide pool of misinformation about HSV. Good luck, and let us know how it goes. 

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  • 5 months later...
On ‎2018‎/‎11‎/‎04 at 4:24 PM, _a_rayofsunshine_ said:

Just keep it simple. Whether she takes pharmaceuticals or vitamins, the risk is ALWAYS there to spread. I feel people like to have “hope” or sugarcoat to partners they won’t get it by including percentages of transmission but the simple way is to say it’s 50-50; you should hope for the best, but moreso expect to get it if you choose to have relations with someone who is H positive. I also don’t take antivirals because they don’t work & if you do a little reading on this site, the side effects aren’t great or what I would consider safe. Ppl who take them complain of more outbreaks than those who choose a holistic route, from my research.  

I see everywhere that you keep saying its 50/50, which is totally false. There is always a chance but its NOT 50/50 everytime. I don't like sugar coating either but I think your pushing it.

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I think he stopped and telling you including the first place shows a lot of character. Sometimes it gets hard to say it and things move fast went you feel a connection, but the fact that she had the conscious to stop when she knew it would be a possible risk/problem is great. Also, my funk told me taking antivirals for a year straight would not only lessen outbreaks but my shedding in general... however I’m startimg lean toward a holistic route once I get my shit together bc I’ve read many studies of curing (maybe ridiculous) but if not curing, Changing people’s experience more efficiently. I’ve seen proof of lower viral loads and symptoms when people have done raw/organic cleanses for months without taking any meds to interfere, so could be something to look into but you have to be committed and expect it to be around 2-6 months depending on body condition at the moment and your commitment. My gynecologist told me the same stats someone else said up there while including with antiviral but no conforms is a 1-2% chance so still very low and definitely worth considering for the time being. Especially if condoms are an annoyance... I think taking antivirals now until you find better options is the safest and leave less anxiety on you both for your current situation. The guy I contracted from (didn’t tell me) but he definitely had no outbreaks or anything but I wasn’t educated enough to know about the shedding... but I learned my lesson. Even if I used a condim there was a major change I could gotten it bc male to female is higher and he def wasn’t on meds 

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 4/22/2019 at 2:45 PM, lali said:

I see everywhere that you keep saying its 50/50, which is totally false. There is always a chance but its NOT 50/50 everytime. I don't like sugar coating either but I think your pushing it.

Always a chance IS 50/50. So stfu & move along! Stop challenging ppls personal experience because you’re still in denial. 

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  • 3 weeks later...

In new relationships, I bring up that i have HSV2 before the relationship starts getting serious. Either they get scared or stay with you. I'm more bothered by the fact she didnt tell you before you started having oral sex and touching. Everyone has a different opinion on this but I am super cautious when I have an outbreak. I wear contacts so I wash my hands twice before touching my eyes. I wear capris so my legs dont touch bedding. Like I said.. This is me being overly cautious. My current boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. He hasnt shown any symptoms. I have only had 2 outbreaks since we started dating. The whole virus shedding does freak me out. I usually have pretty obvious hints that an outbreak is near. I take antiviral and lysine (1000 mg 3 times a day- I am not in the medical field, this is my choice not recommendation) when I have this symptoms. All of it is scary but once she starts recognizing when outbreak is near, it helps tremendously. 

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