First date

[Jenn88]

I went on my first date last night since my diagnosis.... I really enjoyed my self and it was great.  We went back to his place after.... things were moving in that direction we were making out there was some touching. Then I literally jumped up and said I had to go to the bathroom and had a mini breakdown. I felt so dirty all over going, I felt bad that I was even kissing him. My only friend that knows and sister tell me I need to get out of my head and stop letting this control my life. That I deserve to find someone and be happy but I don’t feel right now that I do. Who would ever want to take the risk? Before H I never would have dated someone that told me they had it.... but things change once your diagnose and become more educated on it.... problem is those that don’t have it aren’t really educated on it. 

 

Maybe im just not ready to date? Am I going to feel dirty every date I have? It’s like this black cloud hovering over me the entire night. After that I said I had to go bc I just got in my own head so not sure if I will hear from him 

[newtothis22]

That sounds like an awful experience but I think you moved things too fast by going back to his place after the first date. However if you do hear from him again then it could give you the chance to explain things. You’re right that there is a large stigma attached to it and people aren’t educated on it, a lot of the people who reject those with H probably have it themselves without realising it. 

If you don’t feel ready to tell him but want to see him again then go on another date and take things slow. Only tell him when you’re ready and give him a chance to process it. It will take longer to find someone with H but once you find someone caring and understanding enough then it will be worth the wait.

There are billions of people in this world and there will be someone out there who is just right for you.

 

[Jenn88]

Thank you!!!!

[lana_12]

Hi Jenn88, 

I was diagnosed with HSV2 over 5 years ago.  It was really hard for me as well when I first started to get back into the dating game.  I felt very dirty and unloveable when I was first diagnosed.  You have a right to your emotions and how you feel currently.  Honor yourself and be gentle.  It can take time to learn to love and trust your body again. 

If you want to see the guy again, I would say go for it.  But slow things down.  Be present with yourself and how you feel in the moment.    

When you first tell someone, you are fighting the stigma and people's lack of sexual health education every time you tell someone.  After I tell someone I always encourage them to do their own research. 

Let me know if you have any other questions. 

Here for you.      

[Jenn88]

Thank you. I reached out and he said he wants to hang out again.... so I’ll wait to see if he contacts me to make plans 

[Kbh0929]

On 11/18/2018 at 6:59 AM, Jenn88 said:

I went on my first date last night since my diagnosis.... I really enjoyed my self and it was great.  We went back to his place after.... things were moving in that direction we were making out there was some touching. Then I literally jumped up and said I had to go to the bathroom and had a mini breakdown. I felt so dirty all over going, I felt bad that I was even kissing him. My only friend that knows and sister tell me I need to get out of my head and stop letting this control my life. That I deserve to find someone and be happy but I don’t feel right now that I do. Who would ever want to take the risk? Before H I never would have dated someone that told me they had it.... but things change once your diagnose and become more educated on it.... problem is those that don’t have it aren’t really educated on it. 

 

Maybe im just not ready to date? Am I going to feel dirty every date I have? It’s like this black cloud hovering over me the entire night. After that I said I had to go bc I just got in my own head so not sure if I will hear from him 

I feel your pain.  I’ve been married for 21 years, very happily and we have a great sex life.  I was recently diagnosed with ghsv1 after an initial outbreak about a month ago.  My husband also tested positive for hsv1 and never knew he had it and based on his numbers, he’s had it for a while.  We both don’t understand how ive never contracted it before now.  I’m having a very hard time resuming sex because I feel so dirty and he feels just terrible about it.  I’m hoping with time, it will be easier.  Good luck to you, I can’t imagibe having to date while going through this.  It’s harf enough going through it happily married.