my very first disclosure!

[Movingforward4me]

I have posted a bit on here recently as I am actively trying to work through my fears associated with disclosing. In the past few weeks, I have disclosed to a therapist, my brother and Adrial via FaceTime! All were very supportive and accepting. I recently started trying to date as I’ve avoided it altogether for quite a few years... I’ve been on three dates so far and the guy is super sweet. He shared that he was divorced two years ago from his high school sweetheart who he was with for about 10 years. I feel like I do want to move forward with this person and at least see where things take us and even though he is moving very slowly in terms of physical stuff which I appreciate, I know the time is coming where I need to spill it. I have cried each of the three times I disclosed to non-partners and I am fairly certain I will have a very emotional reaction when I disclose to him. My question is whether texting is frowned upon for disclosing. I get the concept of “hiding” but I’d really just like to get a handle on the information I’m delivering and make sure it’s received appropriately. I also am afraid that if I cry during disclosure, it will terrify him and he’ll run. My guess is he has had very few sexual partners due to his HS sweetheart recent divorce and I don’t know whether this will influence his perception of herpes or not. Any advice?! Looking to do this soon! Thanks! 

[100918]

I was diagnosed via blood test about a month and a half ago (asymptomatic, but was getting tested in preparation for beginning a new relationship). I got the results and disclosed to him via text within about 15 minutes. He initially rejected me but said he wanted to stay friends. Over the past month and a half, we have continued to talk and things have taken a turn back toward beginning a sexual relationship. I think that the more he learned about it, the less he is freaked out by it, and now, he says he is fully on board to move forward with a relationship.

The first time we spoke on the phone after I disclosed via text, I was a little drunk and emotional, but talking on the phone I really think was the turning point for us and slowly but surely, we are moving past it.

I don't think it's a bad thing to be a little emotional, but I do think it's important to try to keep your emotions in check as best you can. It's okay to admit that it sucks to have been diagnosed with H, but I think the bigger deal you make it, the bigger deal it will seem. For me, H is a non-issue to my personal day to day life. The only issue that it presents to me is the stigma with disclosing. I have only disclosed once to a potential partner, and aside from the initial rejection, it really hasn't been too bad. I just took him up on his offer to remain friends and continued to show him what a badass woman I am. 😉 

[Movingforward4me]

Ok thanks for the advice. I am open to suggestions or stories from others who have disclosed and what method they used (phone, text, face to face)

[Amando]

I think you should disclose anyway you feel comfortable to do so.

If you think texting is the best way for you, so be it!

We all handle things differently, I have disclosed to loads of family & friends with a smile on my face & in a joking manner,
to me that was so easy but disclosing to a partner is much tougher as there is so much more at stake.

Like 100918 said, she was rejected then later accepted but for me, I was accepted then 2 weeks later rejected, it then took her another 3 months of texting until she finally gave up on me but that caused me more pain than it was worth.
I'm just trying to say that be prepared as people can change there mind after finding out more info & a little more time to think.

My first ever disclosure went very well though, she accepted me on the spot & I am back with her now, so have faith.

But disclose how you chose to disclose, there is no wrong or right way 😉

I sincerely wish you the very best of luck

[Movingforward4me]

Thank you for your feedback! I will keep you posted on how it goes... running this one by my therapist tomorrow 🤷‍♀️ Lol