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Tryingeveryday

When is the right time

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OK so I’ve been talking to this guy for about two months now and everything is going well the conversation is there at the chemistry is there and at this point we haven’t done anything sexually and conversation is amazing I just want to know when is it a good time to disclose. We do have feelings for one another but I just feel like I’m hiding something from him by not telling him about this I don’t know how he would respond and I don’t know how he would react to the conversation we talk about sexually transmitted diseases and how to stay safe and all of those things but I actually haven’t disclosed about my condition so when is the good time for the right time to disclose to him need help any suggestions or advice please

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When is the right time to disclose? When you feel that you can trust this guy with your vulnerability. (Its a good barometer because after all, if you can’t trust him with a vulnerable conversation, then trusting him in the bedroom certainly ain’t happening!) It’s partly a gut intuition, but it’s also how he treats you in general, including how he’s handled any conversations that are more real, emotional and deep. It’s great that you’ve had such great conversations so far! It does sound like there’s a deeper connection sinking in. And disclosing from a place of openness, self-acceptance and care can certainly take that connection deeper! 

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mr_hopp thank you for that. We have a date this weekend. I will see how it goes. I do feel like I can trust him. When he talks to me I feel that he cares for me just by his energy that he gives off when we interact with each other. I’m just nervous. This is my first time back on the dating scene since my diagnosis. I’m educating myself with it and I want to make sure I’m able to answer any questions he may have. It feels like when you are on a rollercoster ride and you know the drop is coming and my heart drops into my stomach. 

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@Tryingeveryday First thing I would recommend if you think this is someone you want to date is to disclose in person. As someone who also doesn't have a lot of in person disclosure experience, I can tell you a couple of the things that helped me prepare the first time I disclosed in person were to 

1) practice how I wanted to say it (a lot)

2) I sort of prepped him to have this conversation, which basically just means I let him know the next time we hung out there was something I wanted to talk to him about. 

By practicing over and over again, I was able to omit phrasing and words that to me weren't coming off the right way. It can really make a difference to say the words out loud and think about the way they may be perceived. It was super important for me to present the information confidently, without apologizing for my situation and not projecting shame or sadness over it. Because when it comes down to it...it is what it is and its not changing... the more confident you are with it the less likely they are to catastrophize the situation. 

Also I felt the need to let him know I wanted to talk about something more serious beforehand. Idk for me it was an easier way to get to the discussion than trying to find a moment on a date where it would be the right time. Lets face it a lot of dates are fun, light, easy going. It can be hard to find a "serious talk" moment. 

It definitely is scary and I actually broke into tears after he left because I was so relieved to be over with it and proud I made it through lol. But if this is even a semi decent guy, the worst case scenario is he is a little quiet, standoffish and things dont go anywhere. I would say it is very unlikely to get any sort of bad reaction other than rejection. People respect honesty

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