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It’s a living hell, comes in waves like any grief

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I got H from an abusive person and was in shock and denial about it. 

I infected a guy I dated. 

Long story short, we’ve been together for a longer while now. 

And it’s terrible, we drift apart every time any symptoms resurface, then make up, then get excited about it and it the stress makes it start all over again.

I don’t know how to handle it gracefully. I want to keep my cool instead of further ruining everything by being upset about it everytime, but that seems rude and insensitive. Also fake because obviously I am upset, I have f*cked up not only one but two lives! Let alone the chance for who knows how many relationships... This one which could have been good if not for H, and every one he could have had without a fear of having to disclose beforehand. As to me, I don’t really want to date if we don’t work out. I genuinely don’t. 

Help me get out of this miserable mind loop! I need to find a good doc too. 

Damn it.



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Hi unbreakable

Did you disclose to the guy you infected before you had sex?

If so he knew the risks & even though none of us want to infect another, you gave him a choice, which a lot of us
on here didn't get.

Either way, if he has stayed with you for a long time, surely there is an attachment between you two!
You do need to talk to each other about this problem, as if you both want to stay together, there is no point of being angry
every time an OB comes on.

It is normal to not feel like dating if a relationship with someone you care about breaks down , even without having H.
You need time to heal after a break up, only then can you be ready to date again.

Big hugs!

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Don’t feel like “if it wasn’t for me, he would never have herpes and he could be with lots of other partners herpes-free and never have to worry about this”. Herpes is VERY common. Sure, it’s not 100% likely for him to get herpes from someone else (if he hadn’t slept with you), but it would’ve been certainly possible! You haven’t ruined his life. It’s just an unfortunate thing that LOADS of people go through. Don’t beat yourself up about it, it’s not your fault, you didn’t ask for any of this either. 

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@Amando I did not disclose, I literally felt like this can’t be reality. I should’ve gone to therapy to deal with this but too late now... (In therapy right now but that won’t heal his scars etc.) 


@CMB11 You’re certainly right. We used a condom but it didn’t feel good for him so he took it off. (And my dumb ass let him.) So it’s KIND OF a shared responsiblity (well, more mine than his but hey... protection IS important NO matter what). But actually I was his first. We are both in our early 20s, he’s a hardworking dude who did double shifts to help his youngers siblings live well (parents have died already), not much time for dating... and he was lacking confidence because of not being experience so he would get rejected often as well, even though he IS a great guy and goodlooking too... So yeah, I have a sh*tton of regrets. You can imagine. The frustration and everything. 

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