Hoping I can help others and get advice too!

[Sazzle]

Hi, I found out I had herpes a few weeks after sleeping with my husband unprotected for the first time. I know I fought it from him as i’d Had no problems gynea wise at all prior to this. I was so sore, with thrush and a bladder infection at the same time and they took ages to clear up. We luckily have been together for 12 years and have had 5 children-each time I worried I could pass it to my children and had to go thru the herpes admission to the midwifes 😳 I Was in suppression therapy for a few months following my first outbreak but it rarely flares up now, shaving makes no difference but using cleams or waxing can...and wearing thongs everyday 😣 

I am at a stage where I am not happy in my marriage-and although I will always love my husband...I don’t like him or want to live with him. But I am very scared about having to tell new partners about my herpes...do you get close to ppl first and tell them when youmre sure you want to sleep with them or just lay your cards on the table at the off?! I know this is no reason to stay with my husband, but I think i’d Have left a while ago if it weren’t for this 😟

[OverTheRainbow]

I can understand your apprehension. My first outbreak happened when I had been single for 10 months and not had a partner (in that time). I'm having disclosure palpitations at the moment myself and admit it puts me off even dating! I've read quite a bit on the 'when to disclose' question and it seems to me the general consensus is to disclose when you've built some trust with the person (obviously prior to getting intimate). Only you will know the right time. Right now though it seems you have some other issues to sort out before you even get to that point. Good luck with whatever you decide but go be happy x

[Amando]

Hi Sazzle

Sorry you are where you are at the moment but it will get easier.

I think there are 2 sides to the disclosing early or waiting & getting closer to the person.

This is only my view, from my experience, others may think difference!

If you disclose early, 1st date or 2nd, the chances of being accepted are lower but the pain of being rejected is not so bad, if they accept you though, well great!
If you disclose after getting to know the person (obviously before you have had sex with them) your chances are higher of acceptance, as they have invested in you but if you get rejected, it hurts so much more.

I will also say that even when you have been accepted, you can be rejected after they have had time to think about it
(normally 1 to 2 week period I find )

I have read quite a few stories of people having disclosed by text on a dating app & have been accepted before they have even met in person.

I think it is totally up to you when you disclose, which ever suits how you feel.

So if you are not happy, trust me, you will find someone who will accept you 
be positive, put yourself out there & have fun dating, until someone great comes along

I wish you the very best luck!